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LOTR Fic: The Ale Has It
Title: The Ale Has It
Authors: Snacky and Rosencrantz
Disclaimer: All of it belongs to Tolkien, not us.
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Warnings: characters consume copious amounts of alcohol, oh my!
Summary: Eowyn was just trying to prove a point about Gondorian beer.
Notes: Written for the Back to Middle Earth Challenge:
Write a story, poem, or create an artwork from the point of view of a character who is drunk or otherwise under the influence.
Archived on AO3.
It had all started with a simple difference of opinion which then turned into a full on cultural argument.
For some reason, Faramir refused to believe her when she declared the Gondorian beer far inferior to Rohirric ale. And when she insisted, he'd dug his heels in. That was how it had come to a drinking contest.
Eowyn insisted that others be involved, to make it fair. And she figured who better than Aragorn, who had drank his fair share of both brews? That was how they ended up drinking in King Elessar's private study, with the king joining in, and Queen Arwen acting as judge. Arwen had chosen to abstain, with a pained look and a mention of elven wine after one sniff of the beer.
Eowyn set the ground rules. "If I'm still standing after 6 pints of this Gondorian beer, then it's obvious that Rohirric ale is stronger and, therefore, superior."
Faramir protested this. "Shouldn't we have the Rohirric ale here to compare?"
Eowyn shrugged. "Where would we get Rohirric ale here in Minas Tirith?"
Aragorn smirked in a way most unbecoming to a king. "It so happens that Eomer King sent me two kegs of Rohirric ale just this past week."
"Then Faramir will drink the Rohirric ale. I, being of a smaller figure, should have less of a tolerance than him, so I will drink the Gondorian beer," said Eowyn in her most reasonable voice. "If, at the end, I remain standing and he is on his back, then it is the Rohirric ale that is, as I have already stated, the winner."
Aragorn nodded. "That sounds fair to me. Arwen?"
"I have no idea why any of you want to do this, but, yes, certainly, it sounds fair."
Aragorn turned to Faramir. "Does it work for you?"
"You'll help me carry her to bed after this, yes?" said Faramir, taunting Eowyn.
Aragorn grinned. "I'll help carry the loser to bed, yes."
"Good. Faramir's been putting on some weight and I could use the help."
Faramir looked outraged. "Pour the ale!"
And so the ale was poured. And consumed. And poured again. And consumed. And poured again. Repeated often enough so that Arwen grew bored with her judging duties and started some needlework.
Finally, after consuming six pints, Faramir, in full control of his faculties, stood and waved a gracious hand at Eowyn. "I'm sorry, but your Rohirric flavoured water has failed to generate any effect in me. Are you sure you want to continue this?"
Well, at least that's what Faramir thought he did and said. Aragorn, Eowyn, and Arwen watched in amusement as Faramir stumbled up, flailed an arm, said something incomprehensible and proceeded to fall over.
Eowyn laughed and waved her arms in triumph, then got to her feet. "Will you help me get him to bed, my lord?"
When she collapsed next to Faramir, Arwen turned to her husband, who had "sampled" both the Gondorian beer and the Rohirric ale and was already tottering to his feet, and said, "You're on your own."
Authors: Snacky and Rosencrantz
Disclaimer: All of it belongs to Tolkien, not us.
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Warnings: characters consume copious amounts of alcohol, oh my!
Summary: Eowyn was just trying to prove a point about Gondorian beer.
Notes: Written for the Back to Middle Earth Challenge:
Write a story, poem, or create an artwork from the point of view of a character who is drunk or otherwise under the influence.
Archived on AO3.
It had all started with a simple difference of opinion which then turned into a full on cultural argument.
For some reason, Faramir refused to believe her when she declared the Gondorian beer far inferior to Rohirric ale. And when she insisted, he'd dug his heels in. That was how it had come to a drinking contest.
Eowyn insisted that others be involved, to make it fair. And she figured who better than Aragorn, who had drank his fair share of both brews? That was how they ended up drinking in King Elessar's private study, with the king joining in, and Queen Arwen acting as judge. Arwen had chosen to abstain, with a pained look and a mention of elven wine after one sniff of the beer.
Eowyn set the ground rules. "If I'm still standing after 6 pints of this Gondorian beer, then it's obvious that Rohirric ale is stronger and, therefore, superior."
Faramir protested this. "Shouldn't we have the Rohirric ale here to compare?"
Eowyn shrugged. "Where would we get Rohirric ale here in Minas Tirith?"
Aragorn smirked in a way most unbecoming to a king. "It so happens that Eomer King sent me two kegs of Rohirric ale just this past week."
"Then Faramir will drink the Rohirric ale. I, being of a smaller figure, should have less of a tolerance than him, so I will drink the Gondorian beer," said Eowyn in her most reasonable voice. "If, at the end, I remain standing and he is on his back, then it is the Rohirric ale that is, as I have already stated, the winner."
Aragorn nodded. "That sounds fair to me. Arwen?"
"I have no idea why any of you want to do this, but, yes, certainly, it sounds fair."
Aragorn turned to Faramir. "Does it work for you?"
"You'll help me carry her to bed after this, yes?" said Faramir, taunting Eowyn.
Aragorn grinned. "I'll help carry the loser to bed, yes."
"Good. Faramir's been putting on some weight and I could use the help."
Faramir looked outraged. "Pour the ale!"
And so the ale was poured. And consumed. And poured again. And consumed. And poured again. Repeated often enough so that Arwen grew bored with her judging duties and started some needlework.
Finally, after consuming six pints, Faramir, in full control of his faculties, stood and waved a gracious hand at Eowyn. "I'm sorry, but your Rohirric flavoured water has failed to generate any effect in me. Are you sure you want to continue this?"
Well, at least that's what Faramir thought he did and said. Aragorn, Eowyn, and Arwen watched in amusement as Faramir stumbled up, flailed an arm, said something incomprehensible and proceeded to fall over.
Eowyn laughed and waved her arms in triumph, then got to her feet. "Will you help me get him to bed, my lord?"
When she collapsed next to Faramir, Arwen turned to her husband, who had "sampled" both the Gondorian beer and the Rohirric ale and was already tottering to his feet, and said, "You're on your own."