all the pieces
Have you ever played with a wooden puzzle cube? There are lots of differently shaped pieces, and if you put them together, in the right order, with the right shapes in the correct positions, you can construct a perfect interlocking cube. Each piece serves its own unique purpose, but if you don’t position them correctly or put them together in the wrong order, it doesn’t work.
Yesterday was the day that I finally had to take all the pieces apart and start over. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen in a measured, controlled, peaceful kind of way. No, it was more along the lines of “I’m so fucking frustrated by this wooden puzzle stupidness that I’m going to throw it across the room in a final fit of rage and cry as the pieces rain down across the floor after smashing against the wall and coming undone.” Now I’ve got a dent in the wall and shrapnel wounds to deal with that I caused to those who were unfortunately close enough to me when everything fell apart.
Yeah.
But today, I can see all the pieces. I haven’t put them back together - that’s going to take a while - but I’m laying them out neatly and starting over with a sense of calm and hope and purpose. I wonder if we’ll ever figure out why we sometimes have to fall apart in order to find where we need to be. It seems like such a needless suffering - and it never stays confined to just us - we lash out at others in the process. I never really knew why the saying “Misery loves company” came into being, but after being miserable and causing it … I guess I understand it more (though I wouldn’t say I wanted to cause it - I think it was more of an unconscious drawing of energy - vibrational magnetism if you will).
Today, my family is going to herald the dawn of summer (in Florida, we have 2 seasons - HOT and less hot… we have entered HOT) with the construction of a pool. It was a $30 splurge but it’s going to live under a pop-up shelter with screen panels to protect from debris and bugs and on top of a sturdy camp rug to protect the bottom. (Think oversized blow up kiddie pool) I’m going to focus on the wonderful things in my life - because there are so many people and things to be grateful for. I don’t want to waste any more time or energy on feeling insecure. I have too much to offer the world to get caught up in unnecessary emotional drama from my unconsciousness.