for: kaksikymmenta
From: smiles1777
Title: the calm’s returned but the dust will never settle
Rating: PG
Summary: No matter how long it takes, Naruto will pursue Sasuke. No matter how long it lasts, Sasuke will resist.
Warnings: none
A/N: Many thanks to my wonderful beta <3
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
Naruto believes in happy endings and the power of forgiveness. He fights for acceptance and the world only he can imagine. His smile is rivaled by none, a bright beckon to the weary nin drowning in horrors only this life can provide. He is hope and love and strength in gentleness.
Sasuke believes in justice and the power of hatred. He fights for vengeance and the purification of his clan only he can achieve. His eyes are feared by all, dark swirls with the ability to destroy the strongest nin and beget insanity. He is desolation and consequences and weakness in severity.
They are in constant conflict, have been from the very moment they entered this life. They are a balance and a perfect contradiction. Sakura relents that it’s poetic, in some tragic sort of way.
Sasuke does not return to the village. Even after they defeated Madara, even after they cleared the Uchiha name. Even after Naruto pleaded and yelled and fought with all his might in that end battle neither of them had the will to finish.
Naruto pursues Sasuke. He cannot accept an unhappy end, cannot accept that Team Seven will never be the same. Sakura tries to make him acknowledge the impossibility of his desires, but Naruto tells her he has never been very good at that anyway. Kakashi holds his peace but there’s stiffness in his movements and hesitation in his voice when the subject is broached. Sometimes Naruto thinks Kakashi is just as skilled as Sasuke in complicating his emotions.
So Naruto pursues Sasuke, through the forests and deserts and waterfalls that hold more symbolism than either can care to analyze. He pursues him with words and fists and an insistent tugging when they clash sent straight through the heart.
And Sasuke lets him.
&
( Sasuke, you and Sakura are both members of Team Seven.)
&
Sasuke does not have a home, or even a semi-consistent haven. He bounces between ancient Uchiha hideouts and inns and the occasional cave located near a pristine waterfall. It is a fitting life. He dislodged his roots too many years ago to pretend he has a chance to find his footing once again, nor does he have much of a desire to try.
Whether by choice or by destiny, he usually finds himself somewhere in the vicinity of Konoha, like an unconscious part of him recognizes the village as a final destination. Naruto leaves the village every chance he has to hunt down Sasuke’s new habitat, but it is Kakashi who stumbles upon him most often (and completely by accident, his former teacher assures him). When questioned at the frequency of his “accidental” visits, Kakashi smiles behind his mask and explains that, as an old man now, he has a lot of free time to explore nature. Sasuke scowls and replies that only a fool would call himself an old man at the age of thirty-three, before telling him to shut up.
He occasionally brings with him peace offerings, such as platters of fruit or new kunai, which Sasuke does not need but accepts anyway. It allows Kakashi to start on a neutral conversation topic and Sasuke to scoff with a disdain they both know he does not really feel. It is when sake is the gift that he knows there will be no idle words this visit, but somber silence spaced only by the clinking of the bottle against the cups growing louder with each round. Sake is reserved for anniversaries (massacres and dead friends and betrayals mark dates on a calendar, with no salutations when they arrive and no fanfare when they depart).
Kakashi never asks Sasuke to return to Konoha. There’s a slight, almost indistinguishable shift in his eyebrows and a flicker of the other’s eyes that communicates some sort of understanding between the two, but there is not one word spoken about reestablishing the Uchiha clan in Konoha. There are new strings and ties and reluctant bonds now, but Kakashi knows Sasuke will never be the same. He knows more than anyone what it’s like to die and be born anew, dreamless and fighting without a purpose.
Team Seven lies in the graveyard with fallen heroes and the testaments of split-second mistakes.
&
(Former member, in my case.)
&
Sakura thinks Sasuke likes to play the avenger. He will seek out the most vulnerable of the disenfranchised and accept A- and S-rank missions on their behalf for little to no reward. He received a basket of eggs for payment once, though he insists he just happened to want to buy them anyway. No one believes him, but life is easier when they pretend his story is truth and he pretends he doesn’t know they’re humoring him. The latter rarely happens, but the former is still the reaction of default.
He has come to be known as a Robin Hood of sorts within the ninja world (even if the title of The Last Uchiha still stains the trail his footprints leave in every village and every city, still breathes in the whispers between dipped heads and lingers in eyes filled with awe and fear and a strange sort of entertainment shifted to avoid his). He thrives on the rush revenge brings him. He adopts as his own the pain and hurt and injustice from those too young or naïve or forgiving to venture into the overwhelming darkness of hatred and loss and regret he has dwelt in for far too long to ever forget.
Sometimes Sakura thinks this is the only element holding Sasuke back from destruction (whether his own or the village’s or Naruto’s or some twisted combination of the three, she does not know). He hasn’t actually forgiven those countless souls he held (still holds) responsible for the massacre of his clan and the unearthly sacrifice his brother made for the village. He hasn’t come back into the light, but remains in the shadows, cooling to ice while he watches the warmth of those around him. Sometimes, when she allows herself to close her eyes and believe in fairy tales and second chances, when she can forget everything she has ever learnt from every battle she fought and every bruise she healed, she hopes she is wrong.
&
(Do shinobi really have to be that way, like tools?)
&
Tsunade enjoys her role of Hokage, even if she does not always show it. She loves the village and the people in it and around it. What she does not love, however, is Konoha’s newest kind-of-citizen-but-could-be-enemy lurking outside the village walls, tempting her finest shinobi, and, most of all, not responding to her summons. She had not truly expected Sasuke to arrive upon her (strongly worded) invitation, but she thought she would try her luck and send an ANBU captain after him.
Sasuke in turn tried his newest technique on said captain. (Her luck has always been rotten.)
There are three members of Konoha who have a chance to persuade the elusive renegade, all three of which she would prefer to remain ignorant of the situation. Sai is her best bet (no matter how many times she fails, she’ll always gamble again). He lives between worlds, in a strange harmony of belonging and not belonging to the thorny and highly intricate history of Team Kakashi.
Sai, unlike the previous messenger, knows there are two ways to persuade Sasuke. The first is to subdue him, screw with his mind, and brainwash him until he repeats everything you say (but in a much nastier tone of voice). While this technique is appealing, it is reserved specifically for members of the Uchiha clan. He opts for the second option. That is, to pique his natural curiosity.
Sai does not penetrate the sanctuary Sasuke has established in his newest camp-out. He settles in just outside Sasuke’s comfort zone, ink and paper and brush in hand to while away the time, relaxed by the sounds of the rushing river just steps away from him and the wind rustling the leaves above him.
Sasuke scowls and scoffs and makes other gestures of disdain when he passes Sai, but the artist just shuts his eyes and smiles before returning to his sketch (Sasuke swears that is the thirtieth painting the annoying bastard has done in the last twenty-four hours).
Sai’s patience pays off, and Sasuke finally confronts him. They exchange several biting remarks (on Sasuke’s end) and fake smiles (on Sai’s) before Sasuke is strolling casually into Konoha, like it was his intention in the first place.
&
(Naruto told me quite a bit about you.)
&
There is a terse façade of civility between Tsunade and Sasuke as she explains the mission to him. Neither has been taught the proper etiquette between persons who, at one point, tried to kill each other (or, at least, they have forgotten due to negligence. Neither has left very many survivors). Ignorance is the action of choice.
The mission is of particular interest to Sasuke. Kabuto is still at large and is rebuilding the terror of Orochimaru with a new face and more sadistic practices. Sasuke has an unpaid debt of retribution to bestow on him, and Tsunade knows Sasuke has the best chance against him.
This is the first mission offered to him from Konoha since he was thirteen and young and rash and blind to the world he now knows so well.
This is the first mission from his home village he accepts since Team Seven and strings of rivalry and trust and friendships.
It is only fitting that Naruto returns early from his latest travels, rushing with a speed reminiscent of his father to deliver his report to the old hag and races to track down Sasuke. He bursts through the door to her office, pushing past Shizune and stops mid-step, his foot lifted awkwardly in the air as his jaw drops open. It is almost comical (very comical to Sai, but he has learnt to keep such thoughts to himself. At least for the time being).
Naruto insists on accompanying Sasuke on the mission, his eyes alight with hopes and excitements and patches of joy. Sasuke, caught in an emotion he will not identify for six more days (when his heart will beat too quickly in his chest and his breath will condense and evaporate before his eyes), lifts his lips in a genuine smile. He calls the blond an idiot and tells him to pack.
Naruto retorts that he is a cold bastard and drags him off to a celebratory meal at Ichiraku Ramen.
It feels too natural and easy and strangely seductive, sending warnings through his whole body, but Sasuke cannot find the will to pull away from Naruto’s strong arm around his neck and warm hips bumping against his own.
&
(You’ve become my best friend.)
&
They set off before dawn, the air crisp and open, stars still twinkling in the background, but fading slowly to disappear. Naruto complains that Sasuke would not even hear about including Sakura or Kakashi or Sai on their mission. He hopes for a Team Kakashi reunion. Sasuke ignores him and sets a scowl eerily close to a pout on his lips. Sharp chills ran through his stomach when Naruto mentioned it, voice loud and happy and too excited at the prospect of crowding their adventure with unnecessary people. He felt those same sharp chills when his father would praise Itachi and ignore his efforts, when his mother was too busy to play, when Itachi drifted too far to reach.
It takes two hours before they’re trying to kill each other. Again. Insults and insinuations are passed between them as easily as air in their lungs and blood through their veins. It is annoying and idiotic and far beneath their level of maturity, but Naruto is grinning like a fool by the end of it, and Sasuke’s expression has softened and warmed.
They pass the time between investigations and confrontations with opponents too ignorant or dense to stay away by making bets and issuing challenges, comparing and attempting to outdo the other in childish contests and tests of superficial strength. By the time they reach the inn where rest for the night, Sasuke almost wonders if they’ve gone back in time, or if this is just the magic Naruto bestows without knowledge.
But there is something more this time, something in the way their shoulders bump when they walk (but neither moves away from each other), in the way they emulate each other (to the point where it is difficult to remember they are not two halves of the same whole), and in the way Sasuke feels that entity at the left of his chest thump a little too loudly against his ribs when Naruto breathes out a sleepy goodnight.
Five nights later, after they crossed into Sound territory, adrenaline still trickling through their bodies from their last fight, Sasuke found himself pressing Naruto into the nearest hard surface. His limbs are liquid with sinuous intent, their gasps of air blend and mold together (and Sasuke almost thinks the heavy puffs of air between them came from the same set of lungs, through the same passages owned by the same soul).
They kiss. For the second time in their lives, they kiss. Naruto moans slightly and slides his eyes shut, pressing his lips open against Sasuke’s, a hand tugging him closer. Sasuke remains wide-eyed, even as he slips his tongue out to meet Naruto’s, even as he accepts the embrace he does not remember starting.
They finally detach and head to their accommodations. Naruto keeps stealing sideways glances at him, but Sasuke ignores him.
Denial feels more like home than Konoha ever did.
&
(My body moved on its own accord ... idiot.)
&
Sasuke does not take well to change, sudden or otherwise. (Naruto thinks he is overdramatic sometimes, but he is smart enough never to mention it to him.) Change comes as a shock to Sasuke. In vain, he spends copious amounts of effort to keep his world steady and immovable, an arbitrary stronghold against the trials of time.
So he takes very badly to change, shakes and clutches his fists and struggles to supply air to his lungs. (If that is what breathing is even supposed to be, or is that also a reality he created for himself?) He feels his control slipping, slipping, slipping through his tight grasp; his mind is a jumbled mess of real and unreal and philosophies he can use to gain some semblance of dominion over himself again. Anger is his first choice, the hot bubbling sensation strong and calming in its familiarity in the pit of his stomach.
But when he glances back to the sleeping form of his best friend, Naruto’s soft features relaxed in slumber, his eyes twitching with dreams that will soon be forgotten, the hot bubbling is replaced with cold pricks on his arms and legs and the back of his neck.
Sasuke stumbles out of the room, head held down to stop his dizziness and hands clutching frantically at the walls and doors and paper room dividers, leading him outside. The night air is cold and heavy with condensation. He welcomes it, finally succumbing to the shaking in his knees and sliding his back down against the wall until he sits with a soft thump.
He feels like a child again, when his reality was ripped from his hands. Even the moon is full this night like that time so many years ago (he cannot help but think a curse stains the moon, maybe even the same one that will follow him to his death).
He stays there all night, watching the air in his lungs fog and disappear with his inhalations and exhalations, occasionally hindered by a hitch in his breathing. When the dark navy of the sky brightens to a deep blue, and an orange-pink haze coats the land in the distance, he finally comes to a horrifying conclusion.
It’s love.
&
(I suffer because of the bonds I once had!)
&
Naruto wants to talk about the kiss. Sasuke does not. He wants to pretend he never found out he loves Naruto, wants to pretend the loose ties he holds with Naruto can be easily severed if he desires. He wants to pretend he does not need him, does not think of him, does not love him.
Pretending only goes so far until Naruto has enough and takes a swing right into Sasuke’s abdomen, calling him a jerk in the process. Sasuke retaliates with a blow to Naruto’s head. Before either can fully comprehend it, Naruto is in Sage mode and Sasuke’s Sharingan is activated and spinning with a terrifying speed. There are many unusual and surprising realities Sasuke sometimes observes with his Sharingan, but he is unprepared for the sight revealed behind the red veil over his eyes.
He can almost see they are bonded, can nearly trace the thread that joins them and ties them together, as if one cannot move without the other. Their efforts are a perfect match, their actions in concert with each other. They circle and chase and emulate each other in a pursuit that will never end until their bodies crumble to ash. They are a harmony of balance, too flawless to be mistaken for coincidence. It is their fate (perhaps even the reason they were born) to be in a dynamic cacophony of ideals and desires.
Naruto is hope and humanity, the bright sky on a summer’s morning. Sasuke is desolation and sorrow, the raging storm in autumn’s night. From his very existence, Naruto strives harder and shines brighter than he ever could have alone. From Naruto’s life, he feels deeper and pushes for a future he knows he can trust.
He falls to the ground, collapsing under his realization, so much more powerful than any illusion or alteration of reality he could ever have conjured up. Naruto panics, runs large hands along Sasuke’s body, asks with a tremor in his voice what is wrong, searching for a spot or bruise where he hit him too hard or disrupted his chakra. Sasuke stills Naruto’s hands in his own, face still bent away from his. He exhales slowly before leaning against Naruto’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
He intertwines their fingers together, bending and folding until they form one entity, like them, like they have always been.
(They will always be connected.)
Naruto lets out a confused sound, somewhere between a yelp and a grunt. He questions Sasuke.
(And they will always be apart. This is their paradox, but he has finally stopped fighting it.)
Sasuke calls him an idiot.
&
(Did you read what was in my heart?)
&
Sasuke remains silent about his revelation. There is no reason to intensify Naruto’s pursuit of him when they will inevitably part once again. This is the justification Sasuke chants in his mind, but he knows his motives lie elsewhere. Naruto makes bonds easily. People are drawn to him, attracted to him. He will never be alone. Sasuke is meant for solitude and distance. He knows this, but still he wants to keep a piece of Naruto to himself, a piece that no one else can ever have.
If he allows Naruto to discern their fate, he knows he will be easily persuaded to stay.
He wonders how long they will remain together this time. Will they part in five years? Three months? Tomorrow?
He does not have to wait long. Kabuto has been tracking them for the last fifty kilometers, ushering them into his trap.
Sasuke and Naruto fight well together. They read each other’s signals perfectly, can communicate with a slight glance or shift of their bodies. They are a potent force working in unison, one picking up where the other cannot.
Kabuto, however, has never played fair. He is an expert on breaking his opponents, and it is not long before he summons Itachi, hollow and sickly and cursedly undead.
Sasuke snaps, rage and righteous injustice burning inside of him at seeing his brother tarnished by the will of a man who could never comprehend Itachi’s goodness. Naruto tries to hold him back, tries to remind him of reason and trust and all the good they built until now but Sasuke cannot bury who he is. He fights for vengeance and the purification of his clan only he can achieve.
This is his path. A path Naruto cannot follow, though he may be intertwined along the road.
They are separated in the battle, chaos settling in. There is too much smoke and too many explosions. Tree roots and boulders fly through the air. Dust swirls continuously, choking Naruto’s lungs and blurring his vision.
The battle rages long into the night (or perhaps it was two nights. Time and space are distorted and obscured too greatly). In the end, Kabuto manages to escape, though he is badly wounded.
And Sasuke has disappeared.
Naruto searches in vain for a sign, a clue, a feeling, anything that will confirm Sasuke’s presence. But he is gone and Naruto does not know where or how badly he is hurt. His stomach drops, his knees weaken, and he plunges back into that familiar pain that rips through his entire being.
&
(My dreams are in the past...that is where they will always be...)
&
The mission report is written up by Sakura. Under the casualties section, she lists in plain black ink “Uchiha Sasuke”. Naruto refuses to sign it and storms out of the Hokage’s office.
Tsunade hands the report to Shizune to file, sighing heavily into her sake cup. She laments the fall of another member of Konoha.
Sakura mourns in private, finally bidding farewell to her youth and that boy it was filled with. She lives through the pain and disappointment and grief until she has had enough and she emerges back into life, a little more somber but still stronger.
Kakashi marks another date on his calendar of anniversaries. He brings sake to the old Uchiha compound and raises a toast to his young student, all the while thinking he is too old to watch this happen again.
But Naruto believes in happy endings and hope. He continues to pursue Sasuke. Because he knows Sasuke is alive (or else he would be dead as well. They are one life in two bodies). Because he knows Sasuke will come back (it is their destiny, their never-ending circle). Because he knows Sasuke is out there, waiting to be found and nagged into coming back (and Sasuke will ignore him and put up a cold front even as a smile tugs at his lips).
So Naruto pursues Sasuke.
And Sasuke lets him, even when he stays away from the light, away from hope and forgiveness to seek justice and retribution. Even when he slinks through the shadows, away from hushed rumors and moons painted red. Even when he carries with him pain and darkness and the loneliness so intertwined in his body that he exhales it in short puffs of air when he runs. Revenge is his destiny and he gladly accepts it.
They continue to move in synchrony, perfect little swirls of varying measures to make up a whole.
And perhaps one night when he least expects it, Naruto will feel a dip in his futon, will feel the crisp chill of air against his skin as the blanket shifts to accommodate another warm body. He will feel Sasuke wrap his arms around his waist and press his lips against his neck. And he will finally be able to say, “Welcome home, bastard.”
When he snuggles into Sasuke’s embrace, he knows he’ll hear a soft reply.
&
(I’m home, idiot.)
&end
Title: the calm’s returned but the dust will never settle
Rating: PG
Summary: No matter how long it takes, Naruto will pursue Sasuke. No matter how long it lasts, Sasuke will resist.
Warnings: none
A/N: Many thanks to my wonderful beta <3
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
Naruto believes in happy endings and the power of forgiveness. He fights for acceptance and the world only he can imagine. His smile is rivaled by none, a bright beckon to the weary nin drowning in horrors only this life can provide. He is hope and love and strength in gentleness.
Sasuke believes in justice and the power of hatred. He fights for vengeance and the purification of his clan only he can achieve. His eyes are feared by all, dark swirls with the ability to destroy the strongest nin and beget insanity. He is desolation and consequences and weakness in severity.
They are in constant conflict, have been from the very moment they entered this life. They are a balance and a perfect contradiction. Sakura relents that it’s poetic, in some tragic sort of way.
Sasuke does not return to the village. Even after they defeated Madara, even after they cleared the Uchiha name. Even after Naruto pleaded and yelled and fought with all his might in that end battle neither of them had the will to finish.
Naruto pursues Sasuke. He cannot accept an unhappy end, cannot accept that Team Seven will never be the same. Sakura tries to make him acknowledge the impossibility of his desires, but Naruto tells her he has never been very good at that anyway. Kakashi holds his peace but there’s stiffness in his movements and hesitation in his voice when the subject is broached. Sometimes Naruto thinks Kakashi is just as skilled as Sasuke in complicating his emotions.
So Naruto pursues Sasuke, through the forests and deserts and waterfalls that hold more symbolism than either can care to analyze. He pursues him with words and fists and an insistent tugging when they clash sent straight through the heart.
And Sasuke lets him.
&
( Sasuke, you and Sakura are both members of Team Seven.)
&
Sasuke does not have a home, or even a semi-consistent haven. He bounces between ancient Uchiha hideouts and inns and the occasional cave located near a pristine waterfall. It is a fitting life. He dislodged his roots too many years ago to pretend he has a chance to find his footing once again, nor does he have much of a desire to try.
Whether by choice or by destiny, he usually finds himself somewhere in the vicinity of Konoha, like an unconscious part of him recognizes the village as a final destination. Naruto leaves the village every chance he has to hunt down Sasuke’s new habitat, but it is Kakashi who stumbles upon him most often (and completely by accident, his former teacher assures him). When questioned at the frequency of his “accidental” visits, Kakashi smiles behind his mask and explains that, as an old man now, he has a lot of free time to explore nature. Sasuke scowls and replies that only a fool would call himself an old man at the age of thirty-three, before telling him to shut up.
He occasionally brings with him peace offerings, such as platters of fruit or new kunai, which Sasuke does not need but accepts anyway. It allows Kakashi to start on a neutral conversation topic and Sasuke to scoff with a disdain they both know he does not really feel. It is when sake is the gift that he knows there will be no idle words this visit, but somber silence spaced only by the clinking of the bottle against the cups growing louder with each round. Sake is reserved for anniversaries (massacres and dead friends and betrayals mark dates on a calendar, with no salutations when they arrive and no fanfare when they depart).
Kakashi never asks Sasuke to return to Konoha. There’s a slight, almost indistinguishable shift in his eyebrows and a flicker of the other’s eyes that communicates some sort of understanding between the two, but there is not one word spoken about reestablishing the Uchiha clan in Konoha. There are new strings and ties and reluctant bonds now, but Kakashi knows Sasuke will never be the same. He knows more than anyone what it’s like to die and be born anew, dreamless and fighting without a purpose.
Team Seven lies in the graveyard with fallen heroes and the testaments of split-second mistakes.
&
(Former member, in my case.)
&
Sakura thinks Sasuke likes to play the avenger. He will seek out the most vulnerable of the disenfranchised and accept A- and S-rank missions on their behalf for little to no reward. He received a basket of eggs for payment once, though he insists he just happened to want to buy them anyway. No one believes him, but life is easier when they pretend his story is truth and he pretends he doesn’t know they’re humoring him. The latter rarely happens, but the former is still the reaction of default.
He has come to be known as a Robin Hood of sorts within the ninja world (even if the title of The Last Uchiha still stains the trail his footprints leave in every village and every city, still breathes in the whispers between dipped heads and lingers in eyes filled with awe and fear and a strange sort of entertainment shifted to avoid his). He thrives on the rush revenge brings him. He adopts as his own the pain and hurt and injustice from those too young or naïve or forgiving to venture into the overwhelming darkness of hatred and loss and regret he has dwelt in for far too long to ever forget.
Sometimes Sakura thinks this is the only element holding Sasuke back from destruction (whether his own or the village’s or Naruto’s or some twisted combination of the three, she does not know). He hasn’t actually forgiven those countless souls he held (still holds) responsible for the massacre of his clan and the unearthly sacrifice his brother made for the village. He hasn’t come back into the light, but remains in the shadows, cooling to ice while he watches the warmth of those around him. Sometimes, when she allows herself to close her eyes and believe in fairy tales and second chances, when she can forget everything she has ever learnt from every battle she fought and every bruise she healed, she hopes she is wrong.
&
(Do shinobi really have to be that way, like tools?)
&
Tsunade enjoys her role of Hokage, even if she does not always show it. She loves the village and the people in it and around it. What she does not love, however, is Konoha’s newest kind-of-citizen-but-could-be-enemy lurking outside the village walls, tempting her finest shinobi, and, most of all, not responding to her summons. She had not truly expected Sasuke to arrive upon her (strongly worded) invitation, but she thought she would try her luck and send an ANBU captain after him.
Sasuke in turn tried his newest technique on said captain. (Her luck has always been rotten.)
There are three members of Konoha who have a chance to persuade the elusive renegade, all three of which she would prefer to remain ignorant of the situation. Sai is her best bet (no matter how many times she fails, she’ll always gamble again). He lives between worlds, in a strange harmony of belonging and not belonging to the thorny and highly intricate history of Team Kakashi.
Sai, unlike the previous messenger, knows there are two ways to persuade Sasuke. The first is to subdue him, screw with his mind, and brainwash him until he repeats everything you say (but in a much nastier tone of voice). While this technique is appealing, it is reserved specifically for members of the Uchiha clan. He opts for the second option. That is, to pique his natural curiosity.
Sai does not penetrate the sanctuary Sasuke has established in his newest camp-out. He settles in just outside Sasuke’s comfort zone, ink and paper and brush in hand to while away the time, relaxed by the sounds of the rushing river just steps away from him and the wind rustling the leaves above him.
Sasuke scowls and scoffs and makes other gestures of disdain when he passes Sai, but the artist just shuts his eyes and smiles before returning to his sketch (Sasuke swears that is the thirtieth painting the annoying bastard has done in the last twenty-four hours).
Sai’s patience pays off, and Sasuke finally confronts him. They exchange several biting remarks (on Sasuke’s end) and fake smiles (on Sai’s) before Sasuke is strolling casually into Konoha, like it was his intention in the first place.
&
(Naruto told me quite a bit about you.)
&
There is a terse façade of civility between Tsunade and Sasuke as she explains the mission to him. Neither has been taught the proper etiquette between persons who, at one point, tried to kill each other (or, at least, they have forgotten due to negligence. Neither has left very many survivors). Ignorance is the action of choice.
The mission is of particular interest to Sasuke. Kabuto is still at large and is rebuilding the terror of Orochimaru with a new face and more sadistic practices. Sasuke has an unpaid debt of retribution to bestow on him, and Tsunade knows Sasuke has the best chance against him.
This is the first mission offered to him from Konoha since he was thirteen and young and rash and blind to the world he now knows so well.
This is the first mission from his home village he accepts since Team Seven and strings of rivalry and trust and friendships.
It is only fitting that Naruto returns early from his latest travels, rushing with a speed reminiscent of his father to deliver his report to the old hag and races to track down Sasuke. He bursts through the door to her office, pushing past Shizune and stops mid-step, his foot lifted awkwardly in the air as his jaw drops open. It is almost comical (very comical to Sai, but he has learnt to keep such thoughts to himself. At least for the time being).
Naruto insists on accompanying Sasuke on the mission, his eyes alight with hopes and excitements and patches of joy. Sasuke, caught in an emotion he will not identify for six more days (when his heart will beat too quickly in his chest and his breath will condense and evaporate before his eyes), lifts his lips in a genuine smile. He calls the blond an idiot and tells him to pack.
Naruto retorts that he is a cold bastard and drags him off to a celebratory meal at Ichiraku Ramen.
It feels too natural and easy and strangely seductive, sending warnings through his whole body, but Sasuke cannot find the will to pull away from Naruto’s strong arm around his neck and warm hips bumping against his own.
&
(You’ve become my best friend.)
&
They set off before dawn, the air crisp and open, stars still twinkling in the background, but fading slowly to disappear. Naruto complains that Sasuke would not even hear about including Sakura or Kakashi or Sai on their mission. He hopes for a Team Kakashi reunion. Sasuke ignores him and sets a scowl eerily close to a pout on his lips. Sharp chills ran through his stomach when Naruto mentioned it, voice loud and happy and too excited at the prospect of crowding their adventure with unnecessary people. He felt those same sharp chills when his father would praise Itachi and ignore his efforts, when his mother was too busy to play, when Itachi drifted too far to reach.
It takes two hours before they’re trying to kill each other. Again. Insults and insinuations are passed between them as easily as air in their lungs and blood through their veins. It is annoying and idiotic and far beneath their level of maturity, but Naruto is grinning like a fool by the end of it, and Sasuke’s expression has softened and warmed.
They pass the time between investigations and confrontations with opponents too ignorant or dense to stay away by making bets and issuing challenges, comparing and attempting to outdo the other in childish contests and tests of superficial strength. By the time they reach the inn where rest for the night, Sasuke almost wonders if they’ve gone back in time, or if this is just the magic Naruto bestows without knowledge.
But there is something more this time, something in the way their shoulders bump when they walk (but neither moves away from each other), in the way they emulate each other (to the point where it is difficult to remember they are not two halves of the same whole), and in the way Sasuke feels that entity at the left of his chest thump a little too loudly against his ribs when Naruto breathes out a sleepy goodnight.
Five nights later, after they crossed into Sound territory, adrenaline still trickling through their bodies from their last fight, Sasuke found himself pressing Naruto into the nearest hard surface. His limbs are liquid with sinuous intent, their gasps of air blend and mold together (and Sasuke almost thinks the heavy puffs of air between them came from the same set of lungs, through the same passages owned by the same soul).
They kiss. For the second time in their lives, they kiss. Naruto moans slightly and slides his eyes shut, pressing his lips open against Sasuke’s, a hand tugging him closer. Sasuke remains wide-eyed, even as he slips his tongue out to meet Naruto’s, even as he accepts the embrace he does not remember starting.
They finally detach and head to their accommodations. Naruto keeps stealing sideways glances at him, but Sasuke ignores him.
Denial feels more like home than Konoha ever did.
&
(My body moved on its own accord ... idiot.)
&
Sasuke does not take well to change, sudden or otherwise. (Naruto thinks he is overdramatic sometimes, but he is smart enough never to mention it to him.) Change comes as a shock to Sasuke. In vain, he spends copious amounts of effort to keep his world steady and immovable, an arbitrary stronghold against the trials of time.
So he takes very badly to change, shakes and clutches his fists and struggles to supply air to his lungs. (If that is what breathing is even supposed to be, or is that also a reality he created for himself?) He feels his control slipping, slipping, slipping through his tight grasp; his mind is a jumbled mess of real and unreal and philosophies he can use to gain some semblance of dominion over himself again. Anger is his first choice, the hot bubbling sensation strong and calming in its familiarity in the pit of his stomach.
But when he glances back to the sleeping form of his best friend, Naruto’s soft features relaxed in slumber, his eyes twitching with dreams that will soon be forgotten, the hot bubbling is replaced with cold pricks on his arms and legs and the back of his neck.
Sasuke stumbles out of the room, head held down to stop his dizziness and hands clutching frantically at the walls and doors and paper room dividers, leading him outside. The night air is cold and heavy with condensation. He welcomes it, finally succumbing to the shaking in his knees and sliding his back down against the wall until he sits with a soft thump.
He feels like a child again, when his reality was ripped from his hands. Even the moon is full this night like that time so many years ago (he cannot help but think a curse stains the moon, maybe even the same one that will follow him to his death).
He stays there all night, watching the air in his lungs fog and disappear with his inhalations and exhalations, occasionally hindered by a hitch in his breathing. When the dark navy of the sky brightens to a deep blue, and an orange-pink haze coats the land in the distance, he finally comes to a horrifying conclusion.
It’s love.
&
(I suffer because of the bonds I once had!)
&
Naruto wants to talk about the kiss. Sasuke does not. He wants to pretend he never found out he loves Naruto, wants to pretend the loose ties he holds with Naruto can be easily severed if he desires. He wants to pretend he does not need him, does not think of him, does not love him.
Pretending only goes so far until Naruto has enough and takes a swing right into Sasuke’s abdomen, calling him a jerk in the process. Sasuke retaliates with a blow to Naruto’s head. Before either can fully comprehend it, Naruto is in Sage mode and Sasuke’s Sharingan is activated and spinning with a terrifying speed. There are many unusual and surprising realities Sasuke sometimes observes with his Sharingan, but he is unprepared for the sight revealed behind the red veil over his eyes.
He can almost see they are bonded, can nearly trace the thread that joins them and ties them together, as if one cannot move without the other. Their efforts are a perfect match, their actions in concert with each other. They circle and chase and emulate each other in a pursuit that will never end until their bodies crumble to ash. They are a harmony of balance, too flawless to be mistaken for coincidence. It is their fate (perhaps even the reason they were born) to be in a dynamic cacophony of ideals and desires.
Naruto is hope and humanity, the bright sky on a summer’s morning. Sasuke is desolation and sorrow, the raging storm in autumn’s night. From his very existence, Naruto strives harder and shines brighter than he ever could have alone. From Naruto’s life, he feels deeper and pushes for a future he knows he can trust.
He falls to the ground, collapsing under his realization, so much more powerful than any illusion or alteration of reality he could ever have conjured up. Naruto panics, runs large hands along Sasuke’s body, asks with a tremor in his voice what is wrong, searching for a spot or bruise where he hit him too hard or disrupted his chakra. Sasuke stills Naruto’s hands in his own, face still bent away from his. He exhales slowly before leaning against Naruto’s shoulder and closing his eyes.
He intertwines their fingers together, bending and folding until they form one entity, like them, like they have always been.
(They will always be connected.)
Naruto lets out a confused sound, somewhere between a yelp and a grunt. He questions Sasuke.
(And they will always be apart. This is their paradox, but he has finally stopped fighting it.)
Sasuke calls him an idiot.
&
(Did you read what was in my heart?)
&
Sasuke remains silent about his revelation. There is no reason to intensify Naruto’s pursuit of him when they will inevitably part once again. This is the justification Sasuke chants in his mind, but he knows his motives lie elsewhere. Naruto makes bonds easily. People are drawn to him, attracted to him. He will never be alone. Sasuke is meant for solitude and distance. He knows this, but still he wants to keep a piece of Naruto to himself, a piece that no one else can ever have.
If he allows Naruto to discern their fate, he knows he will be easily persuaded to stay.
He wonders how long they will remain together this time. Will they part in five years? Three months? Tomorrow?
He does not have to wait long. Kabuto has been tracking them for the last fifty kilometers, ushering them into his trap.
Sasuke and Naruto fight well together. They read each other’s signals perfectly, can communicate with a slight glance or shift of their bodies. They are a potent force working in unison, one picking up where the other cannot.
Kabuto, however, has never played fair. He is an expert on breaking his opponents, and it is not long before he summons Itachi, hollow and sickly and cursedly undead.
Sasuke snaps, rage and righteous injustice burning inside of him at seeing his brother tarnished by the will of a man who could never comprehend Itachi’s goodness. Naruto tries to hold him back, tries to remind him of reason and trust and all the good they built until now but Sasuke cannot bury who he is. He fights for vengeance and the purification of his clan only he can achieve.
This is his path. A path Naruto cannot follow, though he may be intertwined along the road.
They are separated in the battle, chaos settling in. There is too much smoke and too many explosions. Tree roots and boulders fly through the air. Dust swirls continuously, choking Naruto’s lungs and blurring his vision.
The battle rages long into the night (or perhaps it was two nights. Time and space are distorted and obscured too greatly). In the end, Kabuto manages to escape, though he is badly wounded.
And Sasuke has disappeared.
Naruto searches in vain for a sign, a clue, a feeling, anything that will confirm Sasuke’s presence. But he is gone and Naruto does not know where or how badly he is hurt. His stomach drops, his knees weaken, and he plunges back into that familiar pain that rips through his entire being.
&
(My dreams are in the past...that is where they will always be...)
&
The mission report is written up by Sakura. Under the casualties section, she lists in plain black ink “Uchiha Sasuke”. Naruto refuses to sign it and storms out of the Hokage’s office.
Tsunade hands the report to Shizune to file, sighing heavily into her sake cup. She laments the fall of another member of Konoha.
Sakura mourns in private, finally bidding farewell to her youth and that boy it was filled with. She lives through the pain and disappointment and grief until she has had enough and she emerges back into life, a little more somber but still stronger.
Kakashi marks another date on his calendar of anniversaries. He brings sake to the old Uchiha compound and raises a toast to his young student, all the while thinking he is too old to watch this happen again.
But Naruto believes in happy endings and hope. He continues to pursue Sasuke. Because he knows Sasuke is alive (or else he would be dead as well. They are one life in two bodies). Because he knows Sasuke will come back (it is their destiny, their never-ending circle). Because he knows Sasuke is out there, waiting to be found and nagged into coming back (and Sasuke will ignore him and put up a cold front even as a smile tugs at his lips).
So Naruto pursues Sasuke.
And Sasuke lets him, even when he stays away from the light, away from hope and forgiveness to seek justice and retribution. Even when he slinks through the shadows, away from hushed rumors and moons painted red. Even when he carries with him pain and darkness and the loneliness so intertwined in his body that he exhales it in short puffs of air when he runs. Revenge is his destiny and he gladly accepts it.
They continue to move in synchrony, perfect little swirls of varying measures to make up a whole.
And perhaps one night when he least expects it, Naruto will feel a dip in his futon, will feel the crisp chill of air against his skin as the blanket shifts to accommodate another warm body. He will feel Sasuke wrap his arms around his waist and press his lips against his neck. And he will finally be able to say, “Welcome home, bastard.”
When he snuggles into Sasuke’s embrace, he knows he’ll hear a soft reply.
&
(I’m home, idiot.)
&end