For: kitmun
Author: fireun
For: kitmun
Title: Intrinsic
Rating: PG13
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is an unexpected nudge to get you moving in the right direction
Warnings: none
A/N: It was a pleasure to write! I hope you enjoy.
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
Intrinsic
It should have been able to soothe over all the old scars, allowed a fresh start without the appraising glances and fingers flicking towards weapons every time expressions shifted. If anything, Sasuke felt he was taking advantage of an invalid. The ideal situation had been forever tainted by morals determined to creep to the fore and the embarrassingly obvious trust that that lit up Naruto’s face every time he smiled.
There were few things in life Sasuke never expected. Having an injured Naruto given into his care was definitely at the top of the list. Neji had helped a barely conscious, bloodied Naruto into Sasuke’s home without so much as knocking, the concern on Neji’s face was as unexpected as the bruising, and startled Sasuke into silence. He helped Neji lower Naruto onto the couch, a corner of his brain assessing how much damage the bleeding ninja was going to do to the upholstery. It was a reflexive attempt to reduce the situation down to something easily interpreted, something straightforward and unemotional.
But Naruto groaned as they finished settling him, and Neji all but winced, motioning for Sasuke to join him in another room. Sasuke’s gaze lingered on the blood and the bruises, and most importantly the stillness that was Naruto. It was wrong, pulled at every emotional trigger he had done his best to bury and forget.
“Sasuke.”
Neji’s whisper was sharp with impatience, not a man used to being ignored or disobeyed, and a man very close to the end of all patience and understanding. Aware there was something more than pride and the upper hand at state here, Sasuke turned, acknowledging Neji’s summons. Sasuke blinked, wiping emotion from his face, determined to ignore the hint of anxiety that threatened to overturn his habitual calm before joining Neji in the kitchen.
Sasuke filled a glass of water and offered it, noting all the hints of exhaustion Neji was doing his best to subdue. Neji’s hand shook slightly as he accepted the cup with a short nod of thanks. “I apologize for the intrusion.”
“What happened?”
“We were underprepared.” Neji’s expression reflected a world of disgust, both with himself and his attackers. “Ambush. Greater numbers. Naruto’s usual determination to tackle the entire world singlehanded. I don’t know that a handful of ANBU ever had a chance. Another team is going back to clean up the mess.” Neji’s grimace twisted a bit into something that may have been the malicious cousin of a proper smile. “We lost, but we did quite a bit of damage before they took down Naruto.”
Sasuke tried to wrap his brain around the concept of someone taking down Naruto. After the instant of proprietary rage- Naruto was his target- Sasuke settled on a grudging respect for whatever, whoever it was that Neji’s team had tackled. “Looks like they did quite a bit of damage to Naruto. What were the rest of you doing? Enjoying the show?”
Neji grimaced, then straightened, gathering his usual aloof disapproval around himself like a cloak. “I need to leave and report in to the Hokage.”
“I take it I am to look after Naruto for you? Do you mistake me for a medic?”
“He was confused when he last came to. We thought he would be better off waking up near someone he knew well.”
The ‘who knows him well’ was unspoken but implied in the minute gesture Neji’s hand made in Sasuke’s direction before Neji replaced his now empty glass onto the counter. “If I may be blunt, I don’t trust you. But Naruto does. He refused the hospital and put up a fuss that hurt us almost as much as it did him. The Hokage approved leaving him here with you. Again, not something I approve of, but I do see the merit of having someone he has strong ties to being here when he wakes again.” Neji glanced past Sasuke, to where Naruto lay on the couch. “Don’t prove us wrong.” Having had the last word, Neji let himself out.
Sasuke sighed, nose wrinkling slightly at the smell of blood and sweat that had invaded his meticulously clean dwelling. It had been important to him once, keeping this place free of all the little inconveniences that colored the life of an active ninja. Blood and sweat, metal and leather and the dirt slept on and fought in, all the invasive smells he left at the door with his shoes were now sneaking in through the comfortable barrier he had erected. The faucet dripped and Naruto groaned, but it wasn’t until a dog barked somewhere out in the village itself that Sasuke moved from the kitchen and out into his newest mission.
Months of restrained nods in passing, greetings spoken in rough voices separated them more efficiently than Sauske’s abandonment of Konoha ever had. Naruto had accomplished his goal, had brought Sasuke back, but there had been no thought on either of their ends for what would happen after. After, thus far, had been heavy with tension. It wasn’t quite distrust, not on their part, but they had drifted apart even as Naruto had spent so much time, so much energy, doing nothing more than trying to catch up. Neither of them quite knew how to cross the divide their actions had caused between them.
It was with a fair replica of half remembered, frustrated affection that Sasuke shifted Naruto slightly on the couch into a more natural position than the one they had initially left him in. Only Naruto would fight to the point of being incapacitated, wouldn’t dream of backing off when the odds were against him. Sasuke himself was proof of that.“Idiot.” Sasuke muttered before retreating to his bed.
Naruto woke with an aborted snore that broke through the morning quiet, an unaccustomed sound that almost made Sasuke drop the tea kettle. Naruto was a mess of superficial cuts and bruises, but Sasuke had not seen any damage that made him inclined to seek out a medical ninja. There was a nasty bump on the back of Naruto’s head, but a little brain jostle had never bothered the ridiculously resilient ninja before. Scratches on the head and face looked worse before careful washing. Naruto was likely to be sore as all hell, probably dizzy and disoriented, but all in all, Sasuke was content his rival and friend would pull through.
The first hint of trouble came when Naruto blinked blearily, one eye not quite open due to some swelling, frowned, and uttered nothing more than “huh?”
Sasuke set the tea kettle onto the stove and made his way to the couch. “Naruto?”
Eyes not quite able to focus met Sasuke’s and Naruto’s face scrunched up into an expression of horrified confusion. This time the ‘huh’ was thick with something close to panic, and a panicked Naruto was very high on Sasuke’s list of things to avoid at all costs. Tensing in anticipation of a possible threat Sasuke tried to keep his voice calm, soothing even. “Naruto, it’s alright. Neji brought you here last night. You are a little beat up, you took a few hits to the head, but everything should settle down soon.”
Naruto’s mouth shaped his own name with clinical precision, scratched and scabbed brow furrowed in thought. The sense of horror that had been gathering itself at the back of Sasuke’s calm façade pounced as Naruto cracked a crooked smile. “Naruto, huh? That sounds familiar.”
This was definitely not what Sasuke had signed up for. He stared at Naruto as a sense of horror spread through him. “What do you mean, sounds familiar? That’s your name, idiot.”
“We must be really good friends.”
“Why do you say that?”
“’Cause I really want to hit you right now.”
“The feeling is mutual.” Sasuke tried to hold onto aggression, needing to be angry at someone for delivering an addled and incapacitated Naruto. He wanted to be angry at Naruto for letting this happen in the first place. The little cockroach was supposed to be indestructible, all past evidence pointed to the fact Naruto shrugged off the hardest hits with the same toothy smile and came back with a hit of his own. He wanted to be angry at Naruto, but there was a vulnerability hiding in that cocky smile that diffused his temper before it had a good chance to rise.
“Well.” Naruto scratched at his head, winced as he found a scab. “Hi.”
“Sasuke. I am Uchiha Sasuke.”
“Sasuke, where’s the bathroom? I really need to pee.”
Naruto was a pro at convincing the world everything was fine, but Sasuke knew where to look for all the little things that gave unease away. Naruto rarely left the house, pleading some healing wound or another, light bothering his eyes, but Sasuke could read fear in every inch of Naruto’s posture.
“Sakura has been asking after you.”
“Should I be happy?”
Sasuke snorted, and passed Naruto a glass to be washed. “You should be happy she hasn’t been here to check on you herself. She is a terror when she feels someone needs mothering.”
“We were friends, right?”
Naruto leaned into Sasuke, ever so slightly, seeking comfort in the tactile, and Sasuke had the feeling Naruto wasn’t asking about Sakura anymore. “Yes, we were friends.” It was only partially a lie.
“Hmm.” Naruto leaned for another heartbeat or so, then moved away and back to washing dishes without any indication he realized what he had done.
There was no logical way for Naruto to process what had just happened, it would never have occurred to him in the past, and would not even catch his notice now. It was an easy thing done between friends, but nothing that had ever been allowed between the two of them. Sasuke stood, frozen in place, still feeling the warmth of Naruto against him for a moment longer. Such easy camaraderie caught his breath in his throat, and as Naruto began to hum quietly as he washed, Sasuke fled.
The first time Sasuke lost his patience and raised his voice, tired with listening to Naruto try and patch together his history like some old woman with a scrapbook, Naruto had shrunk back into himself in such a non-Naruto fashion that Sasuke was at a loss for words. Empathy was not his forte. Brusque on a good day, Sasuke fumbled for words that were soothing as opposed to scathing.
“Hey, it’s alright.”
“Like hell it is. I live in your house like some sort of freaking pet, I don’t know anything about myself apart from what you tell me, and a lot of people who say they are my friends stopped coming by when it got to weird for them. How is that ok?”
“I know it’s hard…”
“Hard? What the hell do you know about hard?”
Sasuke gave up trying to be the helpful friend and snarled. “A lot more than you know.”
“Easy, since I know nothing.” Naruto growled, leaning forward to invade Sasuke’s personal space.
They were quivering with tension and aggression, falling unconsciously back into old patterns, even as Sasuke’s body started to suggest something new. It was impossible to tell who instigated it- they both moved at once, mouths meeting with a clash of teeth and a sharp exhalation. It was impossible to tell who started it, but Sasuke was set on finishing it. Part of him admitted quietly that he had wanted to do this for quite some time, reveled in the taste of salt and juice that lingered in Naruto’s mouth, the smell of shampoo and soap and musk.
Part of him howled in triumph when Naruto kissed him back, hands tangling in fistfuls of Sasuke’s shirt, eyes closed. It was definitely not proper conduct when dealing with an amnesiac, but it was perfect. The feel of Naruto’s abdominal muscles under his calloused hands, the brush of Naruto’s breath on his neck, it was finally getting a glass of water after trekking across a desert. It was the goal he hadn’t acknowledged he had.
It was Sasuke who pulled away, sanity reasserting itself as Naruto mumbled something or another, the sound of his voice serving as smelling salts. This was too different, too new. Naruto blinked at him in a mix of confusion and irritation at the interruption.
“I never knew you to back away from the advantage, not that I ever let you get the advantage…” Naruto’s grumbling trailed off as he tried to chase down that rogue bit of memory as Sasuke struggled with a different sort of shortness of breath. “Damn.” Naruto huffed, collapsing back into the couch with a pout. “I was so close that time.”
Sasuke tried flippant on for size. “Maybe we should fight more often.”
Naruto grinned. “That was a fight?”
Naruto was far more sure of himself after the kiss, which was not something Sasuke had a plan of defense against. Naruto, simply, was everywhere. He brushed through Sasuke’s personal space at every opportunity, testing as well as teasing. His old smile was back, the one that dared Sasuke to object, to fight back.
And Sasuke was hard pressed not to take that invitation. More of a goal oriented individual, he was not one who was used to trying to sort through a tangle of morals. In the end, he wanted Naruto, but not like this. Not knowing Naruto had no recollection of every harsh word, of every betrayal. It felt too much like he was giving in and taking a watered down version.
But that didn’t mean he turned Naruto away when he crept into Sasuke’s room at night, slipped into the bed. Neither of them spoke, but Sasuke allowed Naruto to spoon against the front of him, wrapped Naruto in a loose embrace. It was more comfort and care than anything sexual, but somehow it was exactly what both of them needed. Sasuke slept well, even with the unaccustomed second person in his small bed. He fell asleep to the sound of Naruto’s breathing, his head resting against Naruto’s, blond hair occasionally stirred by shifting and breathing tickling his nose.
It tricked him into smiling in quiet contentment. Trust was something they had both felt, but had not been able to express, not for each other, not for quite a long time. Naruto trusted him enough to sleep there, snoring with his mouth wide open. Sasuke trusted Naruto enough to close his own eyes.
“Hey, Sasuke. Let’s spar.”
It was a missing piece in the current puzzle, that little thing that would add a much needed bit of normalcy, but Sasuke was loath to take it at face value. “Are you sure?”
“I am getting fat and lazy…ok, not fat,” Naruto added at Sasuke snort, “but definitely lazy. I don’t remember being lazy. I do remember wanting to knock that smile off your face, so let’s go.”
“…Sure.”
Going easy on Naruto had been a terrible idea. The blond’s brain might be scrambled but his muscles remembered what to do. Sasuke found himself switching gears only a few exchanges into the bout, and honestly enjoying himself shortly thereafter.
“Too slow, Uchiha!”
“Watch yourself, Uzumaki.”
Naruto’s laughter was his only response as he dodged a kick and launched a few blows of his own. It was the sort of laughter that pulled a smile across Sasuke’s face, kept him from thinking about all the little, and big, things that stressed and strained his enjoyment of each day. This was what he had been after, why he had allowed Neji to leave a battered Naruto on his couch weeks ago. He had wanted that singular smile, that sharp enjoyment that Naruto expressed only in this situation. He wanted to know he was special to the hellion ANBU.
He reveled in the freedom of laughing with Naruto, none of their history around to bog up the emotion. This is what he had wanted from the start, but had been too overwhelmed by everything else in his life to let it in. He had chose aggression and antagonism, age old expressions of skewed affection, but he had taken it too far, had never known when or allowed himself to back down.
Here it was, handed to him, the answer to almost every regret he had ever had. As usual, someone had to suffer for his happiness. It was a sobering thought, and distracted him just long enough for Naruto to land a blow.
That isn’t like you, Sasuke. Whatcha doing, handing me the win?”
“What isn’t like me?”
Naruto’s mouth worked as his brain tried to untangle itself long enough to follow through on the thought that had prompted his comment. “You don’t back down.” Was what Naruto finally settled on, a frown drawing furrows across his forehead.
“No. I don’t.” And that really was the problem.
“Don’t get all sour on me now. I was having fun!”
“So was I.”
“So what’s the problem?”Naruto’s face was drawn up in a magnificent scowl, streaked with sweat and dirt, eyes intent. It was a familiar expression, and it pulled equal parts affection and guilt out of Sasuke.
“You are.” Sasuke didn’t wait to see Naruto’s reaction. He went in search of the only person he could think of to blame for his current situation. Sasuke couldn’t get Naruto’s smile out of his head, couldn’t ignore the way he had relaxed his guard and allowed himself to enjoy Naruto’s company. It was a flash of emotion he had not felt since he was young, scowling down at that snotty, impertinent grin that had heralded a world of fun, and a world of trouble. He missed it. Wanted it back. And had never expected the opportunity, an opportunity that had inexplicably been thrown at him by Neji.
“You knew.” Sasuke, threw an unresisting Neji against the wall, voice a quiet snarl. Everything had come to a head as Naruto stared, uncomprehending and hurt, as Sasuke stalked away from their sparring. All of the creeping anxiety and guilt that kept streaking through clean and honest happiness, it had broken free as Naruto stood braced for an attack that never came, taken that last bit of joy from the morning. “You knew.”
“Suspected, not knew.” Neji was cool as ever in the face of Sasuke’s wrath, expression bland. “It is what you wanted, correct?”
Naruto, pale and bleeding on the couch, confused and frustrated as everything healed but some integral part of his brain. “Damn you, how dare you imply…”
“Bastards like you don’t usually get second chances. I suggest you make good use of it, Uchiha.” Neji’s face curled up in bitter contempt before he turned his back on Sasuke and continued on his way.
Naruto humming as he washed a mug, leaning into Sasuke as Sasuke brushed by. The easy smiles and bright laugh. There were no shadows in those eyes, at least not any of Sasuke’s making. That was the difference, the wonderful change that allowed Sasuke to sleep easy with Naruto’s head pillowed on his arm, allowed him to wake and smile as he tried to wriggle circulation back into his fingers, tried to ignore the fact Naruto slept with his mouth open and drooled ever so slightly. It was a fresh start, and Sasuke felt guilty about coveting every second of it.
“Hey! What the hell, Sasuke?”
Naruto jogged down the street, narrowly missing a handful of kids who waited until the last possible second to duck out of his way. Naruto punched Sasuke on the shoulder, a friendly expression of ire, as he came to a halt facing his friend.
“Second chance, eh?”
“Huh? Whatdidja say?” Naruto leaned forward, eyes narrowed.
“Nothing important. Would you like to get something to eat?”
“You seriously have to ask? I thought I was the one with the holes in my brain. Let’s go.”
Sasuke let Naruto grab his arm and pull him towards the usual ramen stand. The hand gripping him was scarred, but strong, like the former ANBU himself. Sasuke allowed himself a smile. It was a second chance. Sasuke hadn’t manage to break Naruto the first time around, there was no way he would manage it this time. Time to stop feeling guilty about something for once in his life and start feeling.
For: kitmun
Title: Intrinsic
Rating: PG13
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is an unexpected nudge to get you moving in the right direction
Warnings: none
A/N: It was a pleasure to write! I hope you enjoy.
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
Intrinsic
It should have been able to soothe over all the old scars, allowed a fresh start without the appraising glances and fingers flicking towards weapons every time expressions shifted. If anything, Sasuke felt he was taking advantage of an invalid. The ideal situation had been forever tainted by morals determined to creep to the fore and the embarrassingly obvious trust that that lit up Naruto’s face every time he smiled.
There were few things in life Sasuke never expected. Having an injured Naruto given into his care was definitely at the top of the list. Neji had helped a barely conscious, bloodied Naruto into Sasuke’s home without so much as knocking, the concern on Neji’s face was as unexpected as the bruising, and startled Sasuke into silence. He helped Neji lower Naruto onto the couch, a corner of his brain assessing how much damage the bleeding ninja was going to do to the upholstery. It was a reflexive attempt to reduce the situation down to something easily interpreted, something straightforward and unemotional.
But Naruto groaned as they finished settling him, and Neji all but winced, motioning for Sasuke to join him in another room. Sasuke’s gaze lingered on the blood and the bruises, and most importantly the stillness that was Naruto. It was wrong, pulled at every emotional trigger he had done his best to bury and forget.
“Sasuke.”
Neji’s whisper was sharp with impatience, not a man used to being ignored or disobeyed, and a man very close to the end of all patience and understanding. Aware there was something more than pride and the upper hand at state here, Sasuke turned, acknowledging Neji’s summons. Sasuke blinked, wiping emotion from his face, determined to ignore the hint of anxiety that threatened to overturn his habitual calm before joining Neji in the kitchen.
Sasuke filled a glass of water and offered it, noting all the hints of exhaustion Neji was doing his best to subdue. Neji’s hand shook slightly as he accepted the cup with a short nod of thanks. “I apologize for the intrusion.”
“What happened?”
“We were underprepared.” Neji’s expression reflected a world of disgust, both with himself and his attackers. “Ambush. Greater numbers. Naruto’s usual determination to tackle the entire world singlehanded. I don’t know that a handful of ANBU ever had a chance. Another team is going back to clean up the mess.” Neji’s grimace twisted a bit into something that may have been the malicious cousin of a proper smile. “We lost, but we did quite a bit of damage before they took down Naruto.”
Sasuke tried to wrap his brain around the concept of someone taking down Naruto. After the instant of proprietary rage- Naruto was his target- Sasuke settled on a grudging respect for whatever, whoever it was that Neji’s team had tackled. “Looks like they did quite a bit of damage to Naruto. What were the rest of you doing? Enjoying the show?”
Neji grimaced, then straightened, gathering his usual aloof disapproval around himself like a cloak. “I need to leave and report in to the Hokage.”
“I take it I am to look after Naruto for you? Do you mistake me for a medic?”
“He was confused when he last came to. We thought he would be better off waking up near someone he knew well.”
The ‘who knows him well’ was unspoken but implied in the minute gesture Neji’s hand made in Sasuke’s direction before Neji replaced his now empty glass onto the counter. “If I may be blunt, I don’t trust you. But Naruto does. He refused the hospital and put up a fuss that hurt us almost as much as it did him. The Hokage approved leaving him here with you. Again, not something I approve of, but I do see the merit of having someone he has strong ties to being here when he wakes again.” Neji glanced past Sasuke, to where Naruto lay on the couch. “Don’t prove us wrong.” Having had the last word, Neji let himself out.
Sasuke sighed, nose wrinkling slightly at the smell of blood and sweat that had invaded his meticulously clean dwelling. It had been important to him once, keeping this place free of all the little inconveniences that colored the life of an active ninja. Blood and sweat, metal and leather and the dirt slept on and fought in, all the invasive smells he left at the door with his shoes were now sneaking in through the comfortable barrier he had erected. The faucet dripped and Naruto groaned, but it wasn’t until a dog barked somewhere out in the village itself that Sasuke moved from the kitchen and out into his newest mission.
Months of restrained nods in passing, greetings spoken in rough voices separated them more efficiently than Sauske’s abandonment of Konoha ever had. Naruto had accomplished his goal, had brought Sasuke back, but there had been no thought on either of their ends for what would happen after. After, thus far, had been heavy with tension. It wasn’t quite distrust, not on their part, but they had drifted apart even as Naruto had spent so much time, so much energy, doing nothing more than trying to catch up. Neither of them quite knew how to cross the divide their actions had caused between them.
It was with a fair replica of half remembered, frustrated affection that Sasuke shifted Naruto slightly on the couch into a more natural position than the one they had initially left him in. Only Naruto would fight to the point of being incapacitated, wouldn’t dream of backing off when the odds were against him. Sasuke himself was proof of that.“Idiot.” Sasuke muttered before retreating to his bed.
Naruto woke with an aborted snore that broke through the morning quiet, an unaccustomed sound that almost made Sasuke drop the tea kettle. Naruto was a mess of superficial cuts and bruises, but Sasuke had not seen any damage that made him inclined to seek out a medical ninja. There was a nasty bump on the back of Naruto’s head, but a little brain jostle had never bothered the ridiculously resilient ninja before. Scratches on the head and face looked worse before careful washing. Naruto was likely to be sore as all hell, probably dizzy and disoriented, but all in all, Sasuke was content his rival and friend would pull through.
The first hint of trouble came when Naruto blinked blearily, one eye not quite open due to some swelling, frowned, and uttered nothing more than “huh?”
Sasuke set the tea kettle onto the stove and made his way to the couch. “Naruto?”
Eyes not quite able to focus met Sasuke’s and Naruto’s face scrunched up into an expression of horrified confusion. This time the ‘huh’ was thick with something close to panic, and a panicked Naruto was very high on Sasuke’s list of things to avoid at all costs. Tensing in anticipation of a possible threat Sasuke tried to keep his voice calm, soothing even. “Naruto, it’s alright. Neji brought you here last night. You are a little beat up, you took a few hits to the head, but everything should settle down soon.”
Naruto’s mouth shaped his own name with clinical precision, scratched and scabbed brow furrowed in thought. The sense of horror that had been gathering itself at the back of Sasuke’s calm façade pounced as Naruto cracked a crooked smile. “Naruto, huh? That sounds familiar.”
This was definitely not what Sasuke had signed up for. He stared at Naruto as a sense of horror spread through him. “What do you mean, sounds familiar? That’s your name, idiot.”
“We must be really good friends.”
“Why do you say that?”
“’Cause I really want to hit you right now.”
“The feeling is mutual.” Sasuke tried to hold onto aggression, needing to be angry at someone for delivering an addled and incapacitated Naruto. He wanted to be angry at Naruto for letting this happen in the first place. The little cockroach was supposed to be indestructible, all past evidence pointed to the fact Naruto shrugged off the hardest hits with the same toothy smile and came back with a hit of his own. He wanted to be angry at Naruto, but there was a vulnerability hiding in that cocky smile that diffused his temper before it had a good chance to rise.
“Well.” Naruto scratched at his head, winced as he found a scab. “Hi.”
“Sasuke. I am Uchiha Sasuke.”
“Sasuke, where’s the bathroom? I really need to pee.”
Naruto was a pro at convincing the world everything was fine, but Sasuke knew where to look for all the little things that gave unease away. Naruto rarely left the house, pleading some healing wound or another, light bothering his eyes, but Sasuke could read fear in every inch of Naruto’s posture.
“Sakura has been asking after you.”
“Should I be happy?”
Sasuke snorted, and passed Naruto a glass to be washed. “You should be happy she hasn’t been here to check on you herself. She is a terror when she feels someone needs mothering.”
“We were friends, right?”
Naruto leaned into Sasuke, ever so slightly, seeking comfort in the tactile, and Sasuke had the feeling Naruto wasn’t asking about Sakura anymore. “Yes, we were friends.” It was only partially a lie.
“Hmm.” Naruto leaned for another heartbeat or so, then moved away and back to washing dishes without any indication he realized what he had done.
There was no logical way for Naruto to process what had just happened, it would never have occurred to him in the past, and would not even catch his notice now. It was an easy thing done between friends, but nothing that had ever been allowed between the two of them. Sasuke stood, frozen in place, still feeling the warmth of Naruto against him for a moment longer. Such easy camaraderie caught his breath in his throat, and as Naruto began to hum quietly as he washed, Sasuke fled.
The first time Sasuke lost his patience and raised his voice, tired with listening to Naruto try and patch together his history like some old woman with a scrapbook, Naruto had shrunk back into himself in such a non-Naruto fashion that Sasuke was at a loss for words. Empathy was not his forte. Brusque on a good day, Sasuke fumbled for words that were soothing as opposed to scathing.
“Hey, it’s alright.”
“Like hell it is. I live in your house like some sort of freaking pet, I don’t know anything about myself apart from what you tell me, and a lot of people who say they are my friends stopped coming by when it got to weird for them. How is that ok?”
“I know it’s hard…”
“Hard? What the hell do you know about hard?”
Sasuke gave up trying to be the helpful friend and snarled. “A lot more than you know.”
“Easy, since I know nothing.” Naruto growled, leaning forward to invade Sasuke’s personal space.
They were quivering with tension and aggression, falling unconsciously back into old patterns, even as Sasuke’s body started to suggest something new. It was impossible to tell who instigated it- they both moved at once, mouths meeting with a clash of teeth and a sharp exhalation. It was impossible to tell who started it, but Sasuke was set on finishing it. Part of him admitted quietly that he had wanted to do this for quite some time, reveled in the taste of salt and juice that lingered in Naruto’s mouth, the smell of shampoo and soap and musk.
Part of him howled in triumph when Naruto kissed him back, hands tangling in fistfuls of Sasuke’s shirt, eyes closed. It was definitely not proper conduct when dealing with an amnesiac, but it was perfect. The feel of Naruto’s abdominal muscles under his calloused hands, the brush of Naruto’s breath on his neck, it was finally getting a glass of water after trekking across a desert. It was the goal he hadn’t acknowledged he had.
It was Sasuke who pulled away, sanity reasserting itself as Naruto mumbled something or another, the sound of his voice serving as smelling salts. This was too different, too new. Naruto blinked at him in a mix of confusion and irritation at the interruption.
“I never knew you to back away from the advantage, not that I ever let you get the advantage…” Naruto’s grumbling trailed off as he tried to chase down that rogue bit of memory as Sasuke struggled with a different sort of shortness of breath. “Damn.” Naruto huffed, collapsing back into the couch with a pout. “I was so close that time.”
Sasuke tried flippant on for size. “Maybe we should fight more often.”
Naruto grinned. “That was a fight?”
Naruto was far more sure of himself after the kiss, which was not something Sasuke had a plan of defense against. Naruto, simply, was everywhere. He brushed through Sasuke’s personal space at every opportunity, testing as well as teasing. His old smile was back, the one that dared Sasuke to object, to fight back.
And Sasuke was hard pressed not to take that invitation. More of a goal oriented individual, he was not one who was used to trying to sort through a tangle of morals. In the end, he wanted Naruto, but not like this. Not knowing Naruto had no recollection of every harsh word, of every betrayal. It felt too much like he was giving in and taking a watered down version.
But that didn’t mean he turned Naruto away when he crept into Sasuke’s room at night, slipped into the bed. Neither of them spoke, but Sasuke allowed Naruto to spoon against the front of him, wrapped Naruto in a loose embrace. It was more comfort and care than anything sexual, but somehow it was exactly what both of them needed. Sasuke slept well, even with the unaccustomed second person in his small bed. He fell asleep to the sound of Naruto’s breathing, his head resting against Naruto’s, blond hair occasionally stirred by shifting and breathing tickling his nose.
It tricked him into smiling in quiet contentment. Trust was something they had both felt, but had not been able to express, not for each other, not for quite a long time. Naruto trusted him enough to sleep there, snoring with his mouth wide open. Sasuke trusted Naruto enough to close his own eyes.
“Hey, Sasuke. Let’s spar.”
It was a missing piece in the current puzzle, that little thing that would add a much needed bit of normalcy, but Sasuke was loath to take it at face value. “Are you sure?”
“I am getting fat and lazy…ok, not fat,” Naruto added at Sasuke snort, “but definitely lazy. I don’t remember being lazy. I do remember wanting to knock that smile off your face, so let’s go.”
“…Sure.”
Going easy on Naruto had been a terrible idea. The blond’s brain might be scrambled but his muscles remembered what to do. Sasuke found himself switching gears only a few exchanges into the bout, and honestly enjoying himself shortly thereafter.
“Too slow, Uchiha!”
“Watch yourself, Uzumaki.”
Naruto’s laughter was his only response as he dodged a kick and launched a few blows of his own. It was the sort of laughter that pulled a smile across Sasuke’s face, kept him from thinking about all the little, and big, things that stressed and strained his enjoyment of each day. This was what he had been after, why he had allowed Neji to leave a battered Naruto on his couch weeks ago. He had wanted that singular smile, that sharp enjoyment that Naruto expressed only in this situation. He wanted to know he was special to the hellion ANBU.
He reveled in the freedom of laughing with Naruto, none of their history around to bog up the emotion. This is what he had wanted from the start, but had been too overwhelmed by everything else in his life to let it in. He had chose aggression and antagonism, age old expressions of skewed affection, but he had taken it too far, had never known when or allowed himself to back down.
Here it was, handed to him, the answer to almost every regret he had ever had. As usual, someone had to suffer for his happiness. It was a sobering thought, and distracted him just long enough for Naruto to land a blow.
That isn’t like you, Sasuke. Whatcha doing, handing me the win?”
“What isn’t like me?”
Naruto’s mouth worked as his brain tried to untangle itself long enough to follow through on the thought that had prompted his comment. “You don’t back down.” Was what Naruto finally settled on, a frown drawing furrows across his forehead.
“No. I don’t.” And that really was the problem.
“Don’t get all sour on me now. I was having fun!”
“So was I.”
“So what’s the problem?”Naruto’s face was drawn up in a magnificent scowl, streaked with sweat and dirt, eyes intent. It was a familiar expression, and it pulled equal parts affection and guilt out of Sasuke.
“You are.” Sasuke didn’t wait to see Naruto’s reaction. He went in search of the only person he could think of to blame for his current situation. Sasuke couldn’t get Naruto’s smile out of his head, couldn’t ignore the way he had relaxed his guard and allowed himself to enjoy Naruto’s company. It was a flash of emotion he had not felt since he was young, scowling down at that snotty, impertinent grin that had heralded a world of fun, and a world of trouble. He missed it. Wanted it back. And had never expected the opportunity, an opportunity that had inexplicably been thrown at him by Neji.
“You knew.” Sasuke, threw an unresisting Neji against the wall, voice a quiet snarl. Everything had come to a head as Naruto stared, uncomprehending and hurt, as Sasuke stalked away from their sparring. All of the creeping anxiety and guilt that kept streaking through clean and honest happiness, it had broken free as Naruto stood braced for an attack that never came, taken that last bit of joy from the morning. “You knew.”
“Suspected, not knew.” Neji was cool as ever in the face of Sasuke’s wrath, expression bland. “It is what you wanted, correct?”
Naruto, pale and bleeding on the couch, confused and frustrated as everything healed but some integral part of his brain. “Damn you, how dare you imply…”
“Bastards like you don’t usually get second chances. I suggest you make good use of it, Uchiha.” Neji’s face curled up in bitter contempt before he turned his back on Sasuke and continued on his way.
Naruto humming as he washed a mug, leaning into Sasuke as Sasuke brushed by. The easy smiles and bright laugh. There were no shadows in those eyes, at least not any of Sasuke’s making. That was the difference, the wonderful change that allowed Sasuke to sleep easy with Naruto’s head pillowed on his arm, allowed him to wake and smile as he tried to wriggle circulation back into his fingers, tried to ignore the fact Naruto slept with his mouth open and drooled ever so slightly. It was a fresh start, and Sasuke felt guilty about coveting every second of it.
“Hey! What the hell, Sasuke?”
Naruto jogged down the street, narrowly missing a handful of kids who waited until the last possible second to duck out of his way. Naruto punched Sasuke on the shoulder, a friendly expression of ire, as he came to a halt facing his friend.
“Second chance, eh?”
“Huh? Whatdidja say?” Naruto leaned forward, eyes narrowed.
“Nothing important. Would you like to get something to eat?”
“You seriously have to ask? I thought I was the one with the holes in my brain. Let’s go.”
Sasuke let Naruto grab his arm and pull him towards the usual ramen stand. The hand gripping him was scarred, but strong, like the former ANBU himself. Sasuke allowed himself a smile. It was a second chance. Sasuke hadn’t manage to break Naruto the first time around, there was no way he would manage it this time. Time to stop feeling guilty about something for once in his life and start feeling.