Indigo

[sn0wcherry]

I have had such a fucking frustrating week, though it all seems quite blurry now. One of my colleagues has been out on vacation, so I was relegated to assuming accounts receivable duties. I am more than accepting of these responsibles, but my propensity to be a perfectionist gets me a bit stressed out. I also fear that my work will not meet her standards, and I don't really want to hear shit from her. I'm not implying that she is some sort of tyrant, or that she has actually ever been critical of me; I just want to avoid any unnecessary collisions regardless of how minor they might be. I have felt so tense, tired, and overwhelmed. The other lady in my department has offered help, but I am still very reluctant to take assistance because I am afraid it will appear that I can't handle my shit. I also always end up feeling guilty about asking for someone to throw me a proverbial bone or do me a favor in my personal or professional life. So, I end up doing it all myself, or as much as I can, until I am completely frayed. Then I am inevitably led to embarassment for showing my displeasure. Suddenly upon me are wild presumptions about what people may think of me, which never turn out to be true (at least as far as I know). I am guilty of manufacturing so much irrational thought sometimes. My brain is careless and exhausted.

But other than that, things are pretty awesome. I got an A on my development psychology exam, and my life with Sean is comfortable yet exciting. It is looking more and more like autumn every day, and this week's brightness & warmth has me feeling lifted and dreamy with optimism.

Oh, and I turn thirty on Sunday. What the fuck.