being a grown up
So...i hate this time of year, but its my favorite too....i know fickle me i never get it straight. I hate this time of year cause its hunting season, which means Chris goes away just about every weeekend, and thats hard becuase even though i sleep next to him every day we only really get to talk for like 10 minutes a day, and i end up missingt the hell out of him...but i know its important to him to go and blah blah blah...anyways him going away gives me a lot of time to think and reflect on things, and do girly stuff, and stuff that makes him mad like decorating...anyways its strange to think about everything...having a house is so different than having an apartment...and getting married. its so permanent...not that i dont want to get married...i do (pun intended) but its hard to think about not being able to pick up and do something crazy like move to New York or something without losing the center of my life. Sometimes i wish i had been single for a few years...but i wouldnt trade Chris for anything...i wouldnt trade us but it would have been a good in a way...but then i think about the time that i was away, and i was so lonely without him...i made friends and i loved being away from here, but i cant be happy totally without him...i cant be normal...its so weird to have all of these grown up things..a home, mortgage, car payments, job with career path, a wedding in the works...its all the things that everyone has but i almost miss the me that had nothing figured out...sometimes it was easier to just coast and go to work at a video store and...well there are reasons that those jobs dont pay much, and im glad i moved on, but im telling you that its so scary sometimes to realize how adult you got...