"I'm not a player I just fuck alot!"
I always feel as if the people that I am around are all out to get me. I feel as if each have their own separate agenda and are secretly conspiring against me. Why do I feel as if I am the only personn who feels that it is okay to completely be opposite from other people. I love the fact that me and Ms. D have completely different personalities that are opposite. Why would you want to spend alot of time with someone who is just like you? I mean purge! Lord knows, I kinda O.D. on certain things or people after a point where I feel as if I have been around them for too much time and then I get all anxious and want to get rid of them. Thats not good. I know this.
In other news, my professsional positive revamp committee is almost completely assembled. I met with a new component of my team today and I love her. She got me. I don't meet very many people who "get" me, so thats exciting whenever it happens. I am so glad that I am finally taking a step away from myself and just looking at the overall picture, because right now, I don't like what I see. I spend 90% of my time either working or dealing with other peoples problems. Thats not good, cause I spend another 8% obsessing about just different things. I am now looking to dedicated time to me and for me. I need to divert all of the attention I give to random thoughts to bettering myself. This is a key to why I am soo moody. Besides the fact that stupid people bother me, I feel a vendetta against the world for me not being happy while everyone else seems to be floating on air. Not fair people, not fair! Thats all going to change now. I didn't even start thinking about it before I started thinking about the job situation. I spend ALOT of time doing and thinking about things that give me no return whatsover, no happiness, overall just no benefit. It all takes alot of commitment and dedication as well. So I can use all that time for positive things. POSITIVE! I only need and want positivity in my life. NO MORE DRAMA! I hate drama now, 1) I have been through enough drama in my life since I was a little girl just w/my parents, 2) I have had friends who were insistant on being self-damaging and that sux to witness, 3) because I have had very educational fucked up relationships with a motley crue of people, and 4) I am just T.I.R.E.D! Why is it so easy to endure the drama, but so hard to just tell people that they are being childish and dramatic and that you don't want to deal with it. I have a huge problem being completely honest when I think it is going to hurt someone's feelings. I also hate being put in situations where I am forced to be brutal, even if it is suppose to suit my personality type, I just hate being brutal. It makes me feel bad. Well now I will just go ahead and be the bitch (I play it so well) and just not deal with it. Can I do this? Make all these changes? I hate doing things not knowing what to expect, but I guess this will be chance that I have to take.
Yesteday I exhibited self-control that I didn't even realize that I had. Yay me, I am seeing the benefits of my professional positive revamp committee. Yipee!
In other news, my professsional positive revamp committee is almost completely assembled. I met with a new component of my team today and I love her. She got me. I don't meet very many people who "get" me, so thats exciting whenever it happens. I am so glad that I am finally taking a step away from myself and just looking at the overall picture, because right now, I don't like what I see. I spend 90% of my time either working or dealing with other peoples problems. Thats not good, cause I spend another 8% obsessing about just different things. I am now looking to dedicated time to me and for me. I need to divert all of the attention I give to random thoughts to bettering myself. This is a key to why I am soo moody. Besides the fact that stupid people bother me, I feel a vendetta against the world for me not being happy while everyone else seems to be floating on air. Not fair people, not fair! Thats all going to change now. I didn't even start thinking about it before I started thinking about the job situation. I spend ALOT of time doing and thinking about things that give me no return whatsover, no happiness, overall just no benefit. It all takes alot of commitment and dedication as well. So I can use all that time for positive things. POSITIVE! I only need and want positivity in my life. NO MORE DRAMA! I hate drama now, 1) I have been through enough drama in my life since I was a little girl just w/my parents, 2) I have had friends who were insistant on being self-damaging and that sux to witness, 3) because I have had very educational fucked up relationships with a motley crue of people, and 4) I am just T.I.R.E.D! Why is it so easy to endure the drama, but so hard to just tell people that they are being childish and dramatic and that you don't want to deal with it. I have a huge problem being completely honest when I think it is going to hurt someone's feelings. I also hate being put in situations where I am forced to be brutal, even if it is suppose to suit my personality type, I just hate being brutal. It makes me feel bad. Well now I will just go ahead and be the bitch (I play it so well) and just not deal with it. Can I do this? Make all these changes? I hate doing things not knowing what to expect, but I guess this will be chance that I have to take.
Yesteday I exhibited self-control that I didn't even realize that I had. Yay me, I am seeing the benefits of my professional positive revamp committee. Yipee!