Hmm, update tiem
Well, it's been a bit (again). I'm back at my mom's house now. I didn't get the Viz job (obviously), nor did they ever even contact me, which was kinda annoying... but eh. >_> I guess that's the way it goes sometimes. So now I guess I have to start looking here. I haven't really looked yet... much... but according to my dad I need some time off anyways (yeah... when your own father says you need time off... THAT'S scary >.>), so I guess I'll keep half-looking for a bit, until things settle down a bit around here, and I at least have my bedroom back (I'm sleeping on the couch right now, and my boxes of shit are still in the garage... makes it hard to do much of anything really ;_;).
I'm still trying to decide what to do with my emotions too... well, not deciding exactly... I'm mainly stuck on trying to get the courage to drag them out of the garage too (lame metaphor having to do with the above paragraph... don't mind me >.>). Micah and I just... yeeaah... we're not going anywhere. I've lost all hope. He's never going to work to try and change his situation. I'm so sick of how things are currently, but I can't seem to do shit about it, because I do treasure his friendship, even though my romantic feeligns are gone. I guess I'm scared he can't handle being friends after 3 years of being engaged/together, but hell... he keeps saying how much he treasures my friendship... why would he want to give that up? I'm not real sure what'll come after we break up, but meh, at this point I could really care less. I just want to move on with my life. If I'm alone (romantically) for quite some time after this, I really won't mind. I feel more than alone right now anyways.
Heather and I aren't getting along the best either, as I was worried about. It's not that we fight or anything, it's just that... well, I guess we've just grown apart. She still seems to live in a high school world, where her whole world revolves around boyfriends, worrying about what to do to seem "normal" and not "geeky", and her looks. And me... well, I'm on the verge of ending a relationship and frankly don't see a need for another one right away, I spend my weekends playing RO and other wonderfully geeky things, and um... yeah, still look like something a lot of peoples' dogs wouldn't even find attractive. ;) I really expected her to change in time, I guess. To grow up. And she hasn't. And now I'm not sure what to do about it. She's really really unstable emotionally right now, due to Boy Problems Issue #297329626 1/2, and she doesn't have any other friends that seem to still... care about her right now, sadly. :/ So I feel like I'm trapped. I can't just leave her in the cold, yet whenever I'm with her I come home feeling really shitty simply because we're so different now and I don't even feel like I can by myself around her (not only is she everything I'm not, she's the outgoing type that hogs entire conversations too ;_;). All I can do is talk to her and try and make her see how I feel, and hope she'll perhaps try and improve her own life and how she acts around me. I've sort of started already, by telling her that things won't be like how they were in high school, and that we can't go back to doing things together every single day (due to my need for sanity o.o;;). I've noticed a slight improvement, but I still get so frustrated when around her.
In other news, she seems to think I should try one of those free match.com thingies. I'm considering it, but I dunno. If I do try it, I won't expect anything from it. If something someday comes from it, then awesome. I guess there's no harm in giving myself at least one option in my anti-social life. >.> It's not like I have school to meet people in now, either.
Other than that... hm... My family's been alright so far I suppose. It seems that they've at least changed a bit in my absense. I can now at least make compromises with them, and they seem to listen better too.
I've been feeling a huge need to spend quality time with the few people I actually feel close to online. I guess it's partially due to the Heather/Micah problems, and partially due to the fact that I just feel sorta insecure in general, because it's like... I'm done with school, and I'm supposed to know what to do with my life now, and I don't. >.> But I'm happy because Angel and Flamer have both been awesome, and Shawn's even popped up in my life again sorta (though he needs to come around more, dangit ;_;). I'm going to join an RP that sounds quite promising (and fun) with Angel and Flamer too, so I'm looking forward to that~ I've always wanted to do one of those damn things. :D Micah got mad when I told him I was going to be in one. >.> He mostly got mad because I didn't invite him, but meh, I really don't want him there. :x He said for years how we were gonna RP together, and wooyeah... we got far. >_>
Anywho... Angel, Fwamie, anyone else who I spend time with... don't mind me if I appear a bit "tag-along-y" lately. >.>
I'm still trying to decide what to do with my emotions too... well, not deciding exactly... I'm mainly stuck on trying to get the courage to drag them out of the garage too (lame metaphor having to do with the above paragraph... don't mind me >.>). Micah and I just... yeeaah... we're not going anywhere. I've lost all hope. He's never going to work to try and change his situation. I'm so sick of how things are currently, but I can't seem to do shit about it, because I do treasure his friendship, even though my romantic feeligns are gone. I guess I'm scared he can't handle being friends after 3 years of being engaged/together, but hell... he keeps saying how much he treasures my friendship... why would he want to give that up? I'm not real sure what'll come after we break up, but meh, at this point I could really care less. I just want to move on with my life. If I'm alone (romantically) for quite some time after this, I really won't mind. I feel more than alone right now anyways.
Heather and I aren't getting along the best either, as I was worried about. It's not that we fight or anything, it's just that... well, I guess we've just grown apart. She still seems to live in a high school world, where her whole world revolves around boyfriends, worrying about what to do to seem "normal" and not "geeky", and her looks. And me... well, I'm on the verge of ending a relationship and frankly don't see a need for another one right away, I spend my weekends playing RO and other wonderfully geeky things, and um... yeah, still look like something a lot of peoples' dogs wouldn't even find attractive. ;) I really expected her to change in time, I guess. To grow up. And she hasn't. And now I'm not sure what to do about it. She's really really unstable emotionally right now, due to Boy Problems Issue #297329626 1/2, and she doesn't have any other friends that seem to still... care about her right now, sadly. :/ So I feel like I'm trapped. I can't just leave her in the cold, yet whenever I'm with her I come home feeling really shitty simply because we're so different now and I don't even feel like I can by myself around her (not only is she everything I'm not, she's the outgoing type that hogs entire conversations too ;_;). All I can do is talk to her and try and make her see how I feel, and hope she'll perhaps try and improve her own life and how she acts around me. I've sort of started already, by telling her that things won't be like how they were in high school, and that we can't go back to doing things together every single day (due to my need for sanity o.o;;). I've noticed a slight improvement, but I still get so frustrated when around her.
In other news, she seems to think I should try one of those free match.com thingies. I'm considering it, but I dunno. If I do try it, I won't expect anything from it. If something someday comes from it, then awesome. I guess there's no harm in giving myself at least one option in my anti-social life. >.> It's not like I have school to meet people in now, either.
Other than that... hm... My family's been alright so far I suppose. It seems that they've at least changed a bit in my absense. I can now at least make compromises with them, and they seem to listen better too.
I've been feeling a huge need to spend quality time with the few people I actually feel close to online. I guess it's partially due to the Heather/Micah problems, and partially due to the fact that I just feel sorta insecure in general, because it's like... I'm done with school, and I'm supposed to know what to do with my life now, and I don't. >.> But I'm happy because Angel and Flamer have both been awesome, and Shawn's even popped up in my life again sorta (though he needs to come around more, dangit ;_;). I'm going to join an RP that sounds quite promising (and fun) with Angel and Flamer too, so I'm looking forward to that~ I've always wanted to do one of those damn things. :D Micah got mad when I told him I was going to be in one. >.> He mostly got mad because I didn't invite him, but meh, I really don't want him there. :x He said for years how we were gonna RP together, and wooyeah... we got far. >_>
Anywho... Angel, Fwamie, anyone else who I spend time with... don't mind me if I appear a bit "tag-along-y" lately. >.>