Has anyone noticed that Star Wars: the Phantom Menace doesn't actually make sense?
I haven't seen Phantom Menace that many times, since I don't like it (or the other prequels) very well, but I saw it again today and realized that most of it makes very little sense at all. I'm actually beginning to think that the vast majority of fiction doesn't make sense, it's just that much of it is entertaining enough that one misses the plot holes, implausibilities, and just plain nonsense. Phantom Menace, while it has it's moments, just isn't that entertaining - at least to me. (As a side note, I realized while watching it that I am much more comfortable with humans being the majority bad guys in space adventure and feel vaguely sleazy watching/reading things where they're not.)
And when things fail to be sufficiently entertaining, I have a very bad tendency to think too much about them.
Phantom Menace's opening crawl tells us that there is a conflict over trade route taxation that has lead to the Trade Federation blockading the planet of Naboo, and the Chancellor of the Republic has sent two Jedi to deal with the problem. The Trade Federation (who are following the orders of a Sith) promptly opt to kill the Jedi rather than talk to them. The Jedi's ship is blown up, killing the crew, and the Jedi escape on the Trade Federation's invasion fleet to the planet below.
WHUT. No, seriously. Does any part of that make any sense whatsoever? Why is the Trade Federation blockading Naboo? What, precisely, does Naboo have to do with trade route taxation? Did they suggest raising the taxes? Or lowering them? (I have no freaking clue what the Trade Federation wants. Or why they wanted it so badly they're taking orders from a Sith - or a random creepy guy in a hood, if they don't know what Sith are.) Does Naboo produce something of great importance to the Republic? It doesn't appear to. It's like they picked a random planet. WTF? For that matter, what is the Trade Federation? And why do they think blockading Naboo is somehow legal? (They're very concerned about not doing anything illegal, except when they're killing innocent pilots and trying to kill Jedi. And invading a planet.) They seem to want control of Naboo later, but, again, we're given no reason why they want Naboo. What is special about this planet? And if something is special about it, why aren't other members of the Republic concerned? Even if nothing is special about it, other worlds should be concerned about also being unwillingly annexed by the Trade Federation. (What happened to this being about taxes, again? Also, WTF is the Trade Federation. And why do they have an invasion fleet!? And how did no one notice this?)
Also, hilariously, the Jedi hop on the invasion fleet in order to warn Naboo. Uh, guys, I think showing up at the same time as the invading army renders your warning rather...late.
Our heroes (who have not, so far, done anything heroic) arrive on the planet and meet Jar Jar (enough has been said about him already), who takes them to the Gungan underwater city to warn the Gungans and get a ride to the Naboo city. Because, apparently, the Trade Federation can't aim their invasion fleet. They're a bit too late, anyway, but they do manage to rescue the Queen. Communication is blocked, so the Queen heads off with the Jedi to get to Coruscant to... complain to the Senate... I think.
There's a freaking invading army. The Jedi have witnessed it. If anyone had the sense of your average modern bystander, there'd be holo-recordings of it. I do not know how the invasion of Naboo can somehow be a subject of debate later. Yes, yes, I realize the Republic is a mess (Is there an era in which it is not an epic mess of corruption and incompetence?) but still invasion army. Lucas cannot write logical politics to save his life. Oh, I can well imagine how a corrupt, incompetent senate could somehow fail to respond properly to the invasion of a member planet, but what I imagine is not what we get.
Also, due to their ship being damaged, our "heroes" have to make a pit stop on Tatooine. Where they can't send any messages because they're afraid the Trade Federation will use the message to somehow find them. Whut. How would the Trade Federation be able to locate them via a call to the Senate on Coruscant? I'm pretty sure no form of electronic communication ever has worked that way. (What are they using? Electronic signal towers?) Unless they're afraid the Senate will give them away or that the Trade Federation has members in the senate. What is the Trade Federation, again? And why not call the Jedi Council, then? I repeat, how can a call from a ship on Tatooine to a number on Coruscant possibly be identified as the Jedi and the Queen by a third party who is no where near either planet? How does this work?
Also, they chose Tatooine because it's controlled by Hutts instead of the Trade Federation. WHAT IS THE TRADE FEDERATION!? ARGH. The Hutts are not part of the Republic, but, as far as I can tell, the Trade Federation is. We are so clearly not meant to think about any of this.
The Jedi faff about on Tatooine, failing to care about slavery and being really incompetent at figuring out how to pay for repairs. Our heroes, people. Fortunately, they meet a slave named Anakin, who has a midi-chlorian count of over 9,000 20,000 and saves their butts with improbable pod racing skillz.
While they faff about, lots of Nabooians die. Or at least are put in internment camps (for some reason). Our heroes. (Also, they were somehow able to receive a message from Naboo... and apparently were tracked by receiving it... further confusing me as to how communications work in this galaxy.)
They finally get to Coruscant, where the Senate wants to investigate the alleged invasion instead of doing anything. Except, wouldn't investigating it do something? Unless they were planning to somehow investigate it by calling committees and not, you know, sending anyone out to Naboo to check. Again, you'd expect them to be somewhat concerned about the allegation that the Trade Federation (whatever they are) had invaded a planet. Unless it sounds as unbelievable as an allegation that Apple has invaded Kentucky? Except it isn't really played off that way. Sense, movie, you are not making it.
Also, Anakin is too old at eight or ten or whatever age he's supposed to be to be trained as a Jedi. And apparently Jedi are not supposed to feel fear, even when they're small children who haven't been trained yet. Whut. (I mean, are the Jedi supposed to come off like a bunch of hidebound, useless dicks? Because that's how they come off.)
Somehow this all leads to the Queen, the Jedi, and for no reason at all a small child returning to Naboo, where there is a battle between Gungans and the Trade Federation's droid army, and the Trade Federation is forced to give up Naboo when their leaders are taken prisoner by the Queen. And Qui-Gon dies because the plot says so. Darth Maul amounts to not much. Palpatine takes over the senate. And Obi Wan will get to take Anakin on as his apprentice because... just because.
THIS MOVIE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
I write better than this! At least I can freaking give people motivations and explain who and what organizations are. Without any great effort. This isn't rocket science! It's space adventure! It shouldn't be this incoherent!
...
Wait, I do write better than this.
*goes off to write more of Conflicts of Interest*
This entry was originally posted at http://smurasaki.dreamwidth.org/126341.html.
And when things fail to be sufficiently entertaining, I have a very bad tendency to think too much about them.
Phantom Menace's opening crawl tells us that there is a conflict over trade route taxation that has lead to the Trade Federation blockading the planet of Naboo, and the Chancellor of the Republic has sent two Jedi to deal with the problem. The Trade Federation (who are following the orders of a Sith) promptly opt to kill the Jedi rather than talk to them. The Jedi's ship is blown up, killing the crew, and the Jedi escape on the Trade Federation's invasion fleet to the planet below.
WHUT. No, seriously. Does any part of that make any sense whatsoever? Why is the Trade Federation blockading Naboo? What, precisely, does Naboo have to do with trade route taxation? Did they suggest raising the taxes? Or lowering them? (I have no freaking clue what the Trade Federation wants. Or why they wanted it so badly they're taking orders from a Sith - or a random creepy guy in a hood, if they don't know what Sith are.) Does Naboo produce something of great importance to the Republic? It doesn't appear to. It's like they picked a random planet. WTF? For that matter, what is the Trade Federation? And why do they think blockading Naboo is somehow legal? (They're very concerned about not doing anything illegal, except when they're killing innocent pilots and trying to kill Jedi. And invading a planet.) They seem to want control of Naboo later, but, again, we're given no reason why they want Naboo. What is special about this planet? And if something is special about it, why aren't other members of the Republic concerned? Even if nothing is special about it, other worlds should be concerned about also being unwillingly annexed by the Trade Federation. (What happened to this being about taxes, again? Also, WTF is the Trade Federation. And why do they have an invasion fleet!? And how did no one notice this?)
Also, hilariously, the Jedi hop on the invasion fleet in order to warn Naboo. Uh, guys, I think showing up at the same time as the invading army renders your warning rather...late.
Our heroes (who have not, so far, done anything heroic) arrive on the planet and meet Jar Jar (enough has been said about him already), who takes them to the Gungan underwater city to warn the Gungans and get a ride to the Naboo city. Because, apparently, the Trade Federation can't aim their invasion fleet. They're a bit too late, anyway, but they do manage to rescue the Queen. Communication is blocked, so the Queen heads off with the Jedi to get to Coruscant to... complain to the Senate... I think.
There's a freaking invading army. The Jedi have witnessed it. If anyone had the sense of your average modern bystander, there'd be holo-recordings of it. I do not know how the invasion of Naboo can somehow be a subject of debate later. Yes, yes, I realize the Republic is a mess (Is there an era in which it is not an epic mess of corruption and incompetence?) but still invasion army. Lucas cannot write logical politics to save his life. Oh, I can well imagine how a corrupt, incompetent senate could somehow fail to respond properly to the invasion of a member planet, but what I imagine is not what we get.
Also, due to their ship being damaged, our "heroes" have to make a pit stop on Tatooine. Where they can't send any messages because they're afraid the Trade Federation will use the message to somehow find them. Whut. How would the Trade Federation be able to locate them via a call to the Senate on Coruscant? I'm pretty sure no form of electronic communication ever has worked that way. (What are they using? Electronic signal towers?) Unless they're afraid the Senate will give them away or that the Trade Federation has members in the senate. What is the Trade Federation, again? And why not call the Jedi Council, then? I repeat, how can a call from a ship on Tatooine to a number on Coruscant possibly be identified as the Jedi and the Queen by a third party who is no where near either planet? How does this work?
Also, they chose Tatooine because it's controlled by Hutts instead of the Trade Federation. WHAT IS THE TRADE FEDERATION!? ARGH. The Hutts are not part of the Republic, but, as far as I can tell, the Trade Federation is. We are so clearly not meant to think about any of this.
The Jedi faff about on Tatooine, failing to care about slavery and being really incompetent at figuring out how to pay for repairs. Our heroes, people. Fortunately, they meet a slave named Anakin, who has a midi-chlorian count of over 9,000 20,000 and saves their butts with improbable pod racing skillz.
While they faff about, lots of Nabooians die. Or at least are put in internment camps (for some reason). Our heroes. (Also, they were somehow able to receive a message from Naboo... and apparently were tracked by receiving it... further confusing me as to how communications work in this galaxy.)
They finally get to Coruscant, where the Senate wants to investigate the alleged invasion instead of doing anything. Except, wouldn't investigating it do something? Unless they were planning to somehow investigate it by calling committees and not, you know, sending anyone out to Naboo to check. Again, you'd expect them to be somewhat concerned about the allegation that the Trade Federation (whatever they are) had invaded a planet. Unless it sounds as unbelievable as an allegation that Apple has invaded Kentucky? Except it isn't really played off that way. Sense, movie, you are not making it.
Also, Anakin is too old at eight or ten or whatever age he's supposed to be to be trained as a Jedi. And apparently Jedi are not supposed to feel fear, even when they're small children who haven't been trained yet. Whut. (I mean, are the Jedi supposed to come off like a bunch of hidebound, useless dicks? Because that's how they come off.)
Somehow this all leads to the Queen, the Jedi, and for no reason at all a small child returning to Naboo, where there is a battle between Gungans and the Trade Federation's droid army, and the Trade Federation is forced to give up Naboo when their leaders are taken prisoner by the Queen. And Qui-Gon dies because the plot says so. Darth Maul amounts to not much. Palpatine takes over the senate. And Obi Wan will get to take Anakin on as his apprentice because... just because.
THIS MOVIE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
I write better than this! At least I can freaking give people motivations and explain who and what organizations are. Without any great effort. This isn't rocket science! It's space adventure! It shouldn't be this incoherent!
...
Wait, I do write better than this.
*goes off to write more of Conflicts of Interest*
This entry was originally posted at http://smurasaki.dreamwidth.org/126341.html.