Stripper Survival Kit, Redux
Things to do in the week before dancing:
1. Mix equal parts warm coffee grounds & brown sugar (about 1/4 c each). Add 1 T ground almonds, or use almond oil instead of olive oil. If using ground almonds and not their oil, add enough olive oil to saturate. Get in the shower and exfoliate every area where there is cellulite. If time permits, wrap those areas (with coffee-mixture still applied) in saran wrap and hang out for 20 minutes. Rinse. Do not do this on the same night you have to dance, because you'll be red and splotchy. Caffeine and exfoliation are great for reducing the appearance of cellulite.
2. Foam-roll regularly. Studies have shown that rehydrating the tissues by foam rolling (also, get a dry brush, it works too) reduces the appearance of cellulite.
3. Trim and paint nails.
4. After showering, apply a 10% benzoyl peroxide cream to any areas where acne might crop up (i.e. your ass). After the gym, hit those areas with a baby wipe and reapply.
5. Make sure the Tool Kit is intact. Re-stock anything that's in short supply.
a. Baby wipes (esp. with witch-hazel, aloe, and vitamin e. avoid anything scented).
b. Deodorant
c. Body spray or perfume (avoid anything called "Cupcake Fantasy" or "Cotton Candy")
d. Tampax
e. Scissors for cutting the string, if you end up bleeding
f. Arnica (take 4x per day, starting the day before dancing, to reduce swelling and make your pole-bruises disappear)
g. Midol (so you can tell her to STFU the nice way)
h. Clean & Clear Oil-Absorbing Sheets, to wipe down any greasy areas (T-zone) between sets. (They work amazingly well.)
i. Basic makeup (liquid eye-liner, lip gloss, extra eye-shadow, mascara, body glitter)
j. Zip-locks (for costume storage. Pack panties with their bras.)
k. Extra Clearasil
l. Tweezers
m. ID, $20 for Stripper Taxi, credit card for emergencies, business cards
n. Gum, but don't chew it on stage.
6. Avoid excess sodium, sugar, cruciferous vegetables, legumes. Drink enough water (1-1.5 gal/day). Make sure to get your B vitamins, fish-oil, and eat a wide variety of colorful vegetables. Supplement with royal jelly and aloe if you're having skin-plumpness issues. You want to glow from the inside out.
7. Get at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-high intensity exercise every day. Make sure your endurance is where in needs to be. Dancing should look effortless. Work on your pull-ups as much as your abs, and pole-work will flow naturally. Do not do a "happy-hour" workout the same day that you're going to dance. Even if you're macho like me, you don't really want "a good pump in your arms" before you get on stage. Your clients will fear you, and not in the "mixed with lust" way. Make sure to work your calves and glutes adequately. You'll spend a lot of time in 6-8" heels, so don't fuck that up. Also, work your upper back, because it will allow you to maintain better posture. Nobody wants to see a slouching stripper. Tits up, & shoulders back, woman!
8. Foam-roll again. Do not neglect inner thighs, the tops of your shins, your calves, your low back.
1. Mix equal parts warm coffee grounds & brown sugar (about 1/4 c each). Add 1 T ground almonds, or use almond oil instead of olive oil. If using ground almonds and not their oil, add enough olive oil to saturate. Get in the shower and exfoliate every area where there is cellulite. If time permits, wrap those areas (with coffee-mixture still applied) in saran wrap and hang out for 20 minutes. Rinse. Do not do this on the same night you have to dance, because you'll be red and splotchy. Caffeine and exfoliation are great for reducing the appearance of cellulite.
2. Foam-roll regularly. Studies have shown that rehydrating the tissues by foam rolling (also, get a dry brush, it works too) reduces the appearance of cellulite.
3. Trim and paint nails.
4. After showering, apply a 10% benzoyl peroxide cream to any areas where acne might crop up (i.e. your ass). After the gym, hit those areas with a baby wipe and reapply.
5. Make sure the Tool Kit is intact. Re-stock anything that's in short supply.
a. Baby wipes (esp. with witch-hazel, aloe, and vitamin e. avoid anything scented).
b. Deodorant
c. Body spray or perfume (avoid anything called "Cupcake Fantasy" or "Cotton Candy")
d. Tampax
e. Scissors for cutting the string, if you end up bleeding
f. Arnica (take 4x per day, starting the day before dancing, to reduce swelling and make your pole-bruises disappear)
g. Midol (so you can tell her to STFU the nice way)
h. Clean & Clear Oil-Absorbing Sheets, to wipe down any greasy areas (T-zone) between sets. (They work amazingly well.)
i. Basic makeup (liquid eye-liner, lip gloss, extra eye-shadow, mascara, body glitter)
j. Zip-locks (for costume storage. Pack panties with their bras.)
k. Extra Clearasil
l. Tweezers
m. ID, $20 for Stripper Taxi, credit card for emergencies, business cards
n. Gum, but don't chew it on stage.
6. Avoid excess sodium, sugar, cruciferous vegetables, legumes. Drink enough water (1-1.5 gal/day). Make sure to get your B vitamins, fish-oil, and eat a wide variety of colorful vegetables. Supplement with royal jelly and aloe if you're having skin-plumpness issues. You want to glow from the inside out.
7. Get at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-high intensity exercise every day. Make sure your endurance is where in needs to be. Dancing should look effortless. Work on your pull-ups as much as your abs, and pole-work will flow naturally. Do not do a "happy-hour" workout the same day that you're going to dance. Even if you're macho like me, you don't really want "a good pump in your arms" before you get on stage. Your clients will fear you, and not in the "mixed with lust" way. Make sure to work your calves and glutes adequately. You'll spend a lot of time in 6-8" heels, so don't fuck that up. Also, work your upper back, because it will allow you to maintain better posture. Nobody wants to see a slouching stripper. Tits up, & shoulders back, woman!
8. Foam-roll again. Do not neglect inner thighs, the tops of your shins, your calves, your low back.