Sigh
I miss being around people who I actually connect with. I don't really connect with anyone here. I can't really talk to anyone about anything. I have talked to Candra about some stuff, and sometimes she's great. Same with Kelleen and Andrew. But then, other times I can't really connect with them.
But yeah, this is what geosci people are like:
They're all smart people who crack jokes all the time and are fluent in sarcasm. They like talking about things from the past, such as activities they liked to do as little kids, tv shows they watched, and things that were popular when they were kids. They act like little kids too, making silly faces at each other, doing silly things, and imitating people in funny voices. They love making fun of each other in a playful way.
Obviously, I don't really fit in with that. I like making jokes too, but I don't do it 24/7. I like talking about the past too, but not so much. I don't like acting like a silly little kid, though. It's like... come on. We're in our early 20s, we shouldn't be acting this way.
But I feel like nobody ever wants to be serious. Nobody ever wants to have a serious conversation. Nobody here understands my sense of humor. When I make a joke, hardly anyone laughs. Then if I make the occasional sarcastic comment, nobody laughs either and everyone thinks I'm being serious. After 4 weeks of this, it's getting harder and harder to remember that I actually have friends who I connect with. Friends who think I'm funny, friends who want to spend time with me. Not that these people don't want to spend time with me, they're just mostly impartial. They don't care if I'm there or not.
So that's my impression of them. This is their impression of me:
Idiot. Slut. Spends most of her time in outer space. Sings a lot. Serious. Not strong, not in shape physically. Not exciting, not funny. Has unrealistic ambitions.
Yep. I'm pretty sure that's everyone's opinion of me here. I'm pretty sure that Mike and Dan are constantly making fun of me. Mike because I'm "so sexy in the field" (aka he said that I was sexy, solely because he thinks I am NOT sexy and decided it was a good idea to joke about it), and Dan because he probably wonders how someone like me could ever possibly attract the men I told them about in my stories. Yep, probably telling those stories was a really bad idea. Everyone thinks I'm a slut and have no morals.
I miss the people who enjoy my stories and don't look down on me because of them. I miss the people who have stories like mine. I miss the people who understand that I can do anything I set my mind to and don't laugh at me for the goals I have. I miss the people who actually care about what I have to say. I miss people who actually care about me, and don't do mean things like draw attention to the fact that I'm not sexy.
Or do things like when we were unloading the camper earlier today, and I decided I wanted to help push it into place. So I was doing that, and Andrew came over and asked me if I wanted him to take over. I was just like "No, I have man muscles!" And he kind of shook his head and was like, "Ok..." as in "If it makes you happy to think that, then go ahead." Then Sandro came over and was like "What's this!" gesturing to the other guys. "There are only three people helping move the camper..." And I'm like... excuse me? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I don't count.
And I hate how everyone here does everything FOR me if I can't do it myself. If I'm not sure about how to do something, for instance taking trend and plunge at an outcrop, or if I know how but am slow at it, they don't want me to do it. I'll offer to do it, and then they'll be like "no, I'll just do it" and do it anyway. How am I supposed to get better if they don't want me to do it because I'm not that good at it yet?
So they think I don't know or understand anything, because I ask stupid questions. But then they make it so that I can't get better at anything.
ARG. I love being in Italy and all, but I'm tired of being treated so poorly by these people. I'm tired of not having anyone I can rely on.
But yeah, this is what geosci people are like:
They're all smart people who crack jokes all the time and are fluent in sarcasm. They like talking about things from the past, such as activities they liked to do as little kids, tv shows they watched, and things that were popular when they were kids. They act like little kids too, making silly faces at each other, doing silly things, and imitating people in funny voices. They love making fun of each other in a playful way.
Obviously, I don't really fit in with that. I like making jokes too, but I don't do it 24/7. I like talking about the past too, but not so much. I don't like acting like a silly little kid, though. It's like... come on. We're in our early 20s, we shouldn't be acting this way.
But I feel like nobody ever wants to be serious. Nobody ever wants to have a serious conversation. Nobody here understands my sense of humor. When I make a joke, hardly anyone laughs. Then if I make the occasional sarcastic comment, nobody laughs either and everyone thinks I'm being serious. After 4 weeks of this, it's getting harder and harder to remember that I actually have friends who I connect with. Friends who think I'm funny, friends who want to spend time with me. Not that these people don't want to spend time with me, they're just mostly impartial. They don't care if I'm there or not.
So that's my impression of them. This is their impression of me:
Idiot. Slut. Spends most of her time in outer space. Sings a lot. Serious. Not strong, not in shape physically. Not exciting, not funny. Has unrealistic ambitions.
Yep. I'm pretty sure that's everyone's opinion of me here. I'm pretty sure that Mike and Dan are constantly making fun of me. Mike because I'm "so sexy in the field" (aka he said that I was sexy, solely because he thinks I am NOT sexy and decided it was a good idea to joke about it), and Dan because he probably wonders how someone like me could ever possibly attract the men I told them about in my stories. Yep, probably telling those stories was a really bad idea. Everyone thinks I'm a slut and have no morals.
I miss the people who enjoy my stories and don't look down on me because of them. I miss the people who have stories like mine. I miss the people who understand that I can do anything I set my mind to and don't laugh at me for the goals I have. I miss the people who actually care about what I have to say. I miss people who actually care about me, and don't do mean things like draw attention to the fact that I'm not sexy.
Or do things like when we were unloading the camper earlier today, and I decided I wanted to help push it into place. So I was doing that, and Andrew came over and asked me if I wanted him to take over. I was just like "No, I have man muscles!" And he kind of shook his head and was like, "Ok..." as in "If it makes you happy to think that, then go ahead." Then Sandro came over and was like "What's this!" gesturing to the other guys. "There are only three people helping move the camper..." And I'm like... excuse me? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I don't count.
And I hate how everyone here does everything FOR me if I can't do it myself. If I'm not sure about how to do something, for instance taking trend and plunge at an outcrop, or if I know how but am slow at it, they don't want me to do it. I'll offer to do it, and then they'll be like "no, I'll just do it" and do it anyway. How am I supposed to get better if they don't want me to do it because I'm not that good at it yet?
So they think I don't know or understand anything, because I ask stupid questions. But then they make it so that I can't get better at anything.
ARG. I love being in Italy and all, but I'm tired of being treated so poorly by these people. I'm tired of not having anyone I can rely on.