Black Diamonds
So I just returned from a day-long skiing adventure in Eastern Pennsylvania. As of the time of this writing, I am quite thoroughly inebriated due to a mixture of Jack Daniels shots, Jagermeister shots, Southern Comfort shots, Wild Turkey shots, Rumple Minze shots, Yuengling lager, Amaretto sours, Jagerbombs, Irish Carbombs, and liberal quantities of some unknown horrific-tasting beer wielded by an attractive female skier named Jessica (hitherto associated with the name 'Ski Bunny').
The trip started out quite interestingly, as at the first slope, I was told to hang on, but my skis had no desire to follow the cautionary request my best friend uttered, and I rapidly accelerated without any idea of how to turn, slow, or stop other than taking a full-speed fall and haphazardly depositing my skis and poles over a small section of snow-covered mountain. Eventually, I learned how to slalom, slow, and gradually stop (though I still cannot stop on a dime yet). After an hour and a half or so of skiing, I decided to try braving a Black Diamond course. Oddly enough, this occurred before my initial procuring of alcohol. The trip down said slope was quite funny, as I fell within fifteen seconds of the initial downhill acceleration, and proceeded to literally slide on my snowpants-clad ass for a good 300 yards, in reverse, with one ski still attached to my boots. After regaining my footing, I set out for the rest of the hill, and quickly found myself traveling at far too great a velocity to make the turn in the path. Luckily, I realized the inertia-dampening capabilities of the large connifers lining the side of the path, and became well aquainted with the bark of one of these splendid trees.
After using a chunk of reddened ice/snow as a compress to stop the bleeding, I made my way to the bottom of the mountain and took a lift, small slope, and additional lift to the main lodge, where it was discovered that alcohol was readily purchasable. The smorgasbord of alcoholic beverages was quite profficient at keeping the pain impulses my body was attempting to send to my brain at bay, and I soon found myself on my way again.
Before the end of the night, I vastly improved my slaloming ability, and actually outran my esteemed best friend who has been skiing for five years on one of the slightly less dangerous slopes. Overall, I must recommend taking any opportunity to try skiing offered you. The experience is quite exhilerating and rewarding, regardless of your success with Ski Bunnies.
you're everything
that's why I cling to you
when I emerge
my thoughts converge to you
to you
The trip started out quite interestingly, as at the first slope, I was told to hang on, but my skis had no desire to follow the cautionary request my best friend uttered, and I rapidly accelerated without any idea of how to turn, slow, or stop other than taking a full-speed fall and haphazardly depositing my skis and poles over a small section of snow-covered mountain. Eventually, I learned how to slalom, slow, and gradually stop (though I still cannot stop on a dime yet). After an hour and a half or so of skiing, I decided to try braving a Black Diamond course. Oddly enough, this occurred before my initial procuring of alcohol. The trip down said slope was quite funny, as I fell within fifteen seconds of the initial downhill acceleration, and proceeded to literally slide on my snowpants-clad ass for a good 300 yards, in reverse, with one ski still attached to my boots. After regaining my footing, I set out for the rest of the hill, and quickly found myself traveling at far too great a velocity to make the turn in the path. Luckily, I realized the inertia-dampening capabilities of the large connifers lining the side of the path, and became well aquainted with the bark of one of these splendid trees.
After using a chunk of reddened ice/snow as a compress to stop the bleeding, I made my way to the bottom of the mountain and took a lift, small slope, and additional lift to the main lodge, where it was discovered that alcohol was readily purchasable. The smorgasbord of alcoholic beverages was quite profficient at keeping the pain impulses my body was attempting to send to my brain at bay, and I soon found myself on my way again.
Before the end of the night, I vastly improved my slaloming ability, and actually outran my esteemed best friend who has been skiing for five years on one of the slightly less dangerous slopes. Overall, I must recommend taking any opportunity to try skiing offered you. The experience is quite exhilerating and rewarding, regardless of your success with Ski Bunnies.
you're everything
that's why I cling to you
when I emerge
my thoughts converge to you
to you