(no subject)
Title: The Better Days
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 12
Summary: When your whole world turns upside down in a minute, how do you handle it? How do you go on when you're missing a huge piece of yourself? This is Zac's story as he tries to survive the worst thing that's ever happened to him.
I <3 you guys. Really....thank you. Here's a new chapter...
My breath starts to catch the instant Taylor pulls the car up to Kate’s and my house. It’s been a few weeks since I went to stay with him and Natalie, and I need some things from the house; winter’s coming on, and I need my heavy coat, a few more clothes, stuff like that. We’re going to move my Ludwig drums out of the house, too. I can’t believe I’ve left my first drum set--one of my most prized--unattended in my house for so long. Three of my sets are at our studio, but I had two at our house. I need more drumsticks, too; most of the ones at the studio have been broken in my despair-and-rage-driven attacks on my kit. Drumming’s really good for letting out frustration, even though half of my drum-whaling sessions have ended with me piled on the floor behind them sobbing. I undo my seatbelt and get out of the car, my hands shaking a little. Tay gives me a little half-smile as he and Ike walk with me to the front door. Wordlessly I fish out my key and go to open the door.
But something’s wrong. The door isn’t locked. I freeze as the knob gives under my hand.
“…Has someone been by to check the house?” I ask my brothers, frowning.
They blink. “Not since Mom and Jess came by a few days ago, and they’d’ve locked up,” Ike says.
“Oh my God,” Tay gasps, pointing, and belatedly we all notice the dings and scrapes on the paint near the deadbolt. It looks like someone tried to force their way in…and judging by the broken bit of lock we see on the floor as I push the door open, they succeeded.
“Shit!” Ike curses. “I’m calling the police! We probably shouldn’t go in, guys…”
I hesitate on the threshold. It doesn’t appear that the break-in was recent, and I don’t hear a thing; I’d bet the intruders are gone by now. “We need to find out what they took…” I say, tremors shaking my frame again. My hands fist at my sides as I step into my house. Some stranger’s been here, walking around, in Kate’s place…The shaking intensifies as I head into the living room, my brothers on my heels.
My Playstation, Xbox, and Wii are gone, I notice immediately. They left the HDTV, probably because it’s way too big to steal easily. My game collection and our DVDs are strewn all over the floor, picked through. I can’t believe it…I wander numbly through the dining room (our drawers are open and rifled through, they probably found the crystal and the good silver), around the rest of the first floor. They really gave the place a good going over. Thousands of dollars of our--my--things are gone. I suddenly wheel around. If they found the practice room--my keyboards--my drums-- “Fuck,” I curse loudly, and start to dash down that way. Then I remember something else that was left in the house, by mistake, something worth infinitely more than all my musical instruments combined.
I nearly fall over as I spin around again and take off for the stairs. The door to our room bounces off the wall as I fling it open. Everything’s been rifled through in here as well, even our bedclothes. I ignore it all and dive for the nightstand. It’s not there….it’s not there…I start flinging stuff around on my own, yanking out the nightstand drawer, tearing through everything. Why--why--did I leave it here?? How could I have been so fucking stupid?? I nearly hyperventilate as I fall back down on the bed, Tay and Ike staring at me wide-eyed as they burst through the door. “Zac??”
“They--took--her---ring,” I choke. “The stupid--fucking---bastards took my Kate’s wedding ring!!”
Their jaws drop at the exact same time; it would be funny if I wasn’t imploding. My whole body starts to shake; in a blind rage I grab the nearest item--a book I was reading before everything happened--and hurl it across the room; it slams into the wall and some of the pages fall out. I’m screaming, shouting, cussing at the top of my lungs, running for the door; I want to find them and I want to hurt them; how dare they steal my Katie’s ring? Arms catch around my chest; Ike grunts as he stops me from running out of the room in my rage. For a second I tear at his grip, still screaming; Tay flings himself over to hold me back too. I scream so loudly I think my vocal cords tear, and something inside me gives, and I slump in my brothers’ arms.
Tay and Ike are both babbling at me, trying to calm me; I think I freaked them out. A sob steals the little breath I have left as I nearly fall over. “Oh God,” I choke, swaying as my legs turn to jelly. Ike nudges the three of us toward the bed and I collapse onto it, burying my face in my hands, tearing at my hair. Katie’s ring…she only took it off one time since I slipped it onto her finger on our wedding day. I still remember the teary little giggle she gave as she admired the sparkling diamond before her eyes locked back onto mine, as we repeated the vows that bound us as husband and wife til death do us part. I agonized about whether or not to take it from her as she lay before me in the coffin, but Kate had loved seeing the diamond shine in the light; I wanted it to shine still, since her eyes, so much more beautiful than any ring, never would again.
The sobs come thick and fast now. The hurt fills me up again, the pain and loss, stronger than it’s been in awhile. I can’t think, can’t breathe; I cling to Tay and Ike, but I barely notice their presence. She’s gone…everything that’s her is gone, not just her ring…my love, my wife, my other half…I’m so empty. I burrow my head into Ike’s shoulder and cry so hard. One of my most precious mementos of her--taken, carelessly swiped for the money it could bring the thief, uncaring of the love it represented. I leak and snot all over my brothers, unable to do anything else as the terrible truth sweeps through me; she’ll never come back.
Slowly I remember how to breathe again. Numbness settles in my bones, numbness towards the world that just kept crapping all over me. I’m pressed into Ike’s side, one hand fisted in his shirt, the other clinging to Tay’s wrist where he has his arm around me. I try to muster up the energy required to let them go and pull away, but it’s not there. I’m so exhausted all the time, especially after a sob like that one. So I cling, and sniffle, and wish with every part of me it could have been different.
They’re talking softly, to me, I realize, and force myself to listen. “I’ll get you a tissue, Zac,” Ike is saying; I slowly shift away enough so he can get up. Tay automatically pulls me a little closer, wanting to comfort, and I let him, vaguely marveling that his skinny frame can support so much of my boneless weight. He’s talking now, and I blink at him. “--police just pulled up, but you don’t have to talk to them right now, Ike can do it. We can just sit here while you calm down, okay?”
I nod once, take the tissue from Ike as he squeezes my shoulder and heads off to talk to the cops, but I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do with the scrap of soft paper. After a minute of Tay still talking (I’ve stopped listening; it’s not that important anyway), he reaches and gently tugs the tissue out of my hand, mopping the tears and snot off my face for me. “There, can you breathe a little better now?” he asks softly with the hint of a smile. My lips quirk a bit as I nod again, once again more grateful than I can say for my brothers. Tay gives me a small smile back. “Good…”
I sigh tiredly, running a hand over my eyes.
“We should probably head down there…” Tay says, glancing toward the door.
“Yeah,” I agree, and stand up slowly. Tay hovers, making sure I can stand okay. I try not to look around as we head back downstairs. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve probably lost about half of the things we had in monetary value now, on top of losing the love of my life, and I feel like everything’s gone. There’s nothing to do but keep trying to go on, keep putting one foot in front of the other. I just wish I knew why it all keeps blowing up in my face.