The Better Days--chapter 7
Title: The Better Days
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 7
Summary: When your whole world turns upside down in a minute, how do you handle it? How do you go on when you're missing a huge piece of yourself? This is Zac's story as he tries to survive the worst thing that's ever happened to him.
My beta, writingfanson, rocks. Reviews make my life!!! :-)
As Tay stops the car in front of his house, I start to regret my decision to come over. I love Tay’s kids, but I’m a little afraid of the effect seeing me in my grief will have on them. I feel like I must look absolutely terrible even after getting cleaned up, because I feel so awful inside. But then I look towards the house and see a blur of blond hair and blue dress zooming out the door and towards the car. It takes my breath away for a moment; I’d forgotten how precious she is.
I open the car door to a cry of "UNCLE ZAAACCC!!!" and Penny vaults herself into my lap before I can even get out of the car. A smile breaks over my face; it feels so strange, but I can’t not smile holding this angel in my lap. She fists a hand in my shirt and wraps her other arm around me as I hug her close. "Hi there, Shiny Penny," I say; she lets out a giggle that melts my heart and leans up for a kiss.
"I misseded you, Uncle Zaccy!"
"I missed you too, Pennygirl," I smile, stepping out of the car with her still in my arms. Ezra’s running out the door now too, a huge grin on his face. Natalie’s in the doorway holding River, who’s clapping his hands excitedly as he stares over in our direction. Ezra jumps up and down a few times. "Hi Uncle Zac!" he chirps happily. "Hey there, big guy," I smile over at him, setting Penny down; Ezra runs over and hugs me hello. In the middle of a blur of chattering kids I start to make my way over to the door; Natalie’s smiling as she steps back to let us inside.
"Hi, Zac," she says; despite her smile, there’s a deep pain in her eyes (my eyes must look the same way, I think), and for a minute my niece-and-nephews-initiated grin falters.
"Hey, Nat," I greet her softly. "Thanks for letting me stay…"
"Don’t worry about it," Natalie says as River coos and reaches for me. I take the baby in my arms and tickle him gently; he laughs and tries to chew on my cross necklace. "We’re glad we can help…our house is open to you anytime, you know that."
Tay and Ike come inside carrying my suitcases. Tay greets his wife with a smile and a kiss, and the pang of jealousy and sadness that flares inside makes my lips tremble; I bite my bottom lip and look away. I don’t want to cry in front of the kids. I focus on River, smiling tremulously at him and blowing air gently on his face to make him giggle. Tay and Ike disappear to stow my suitcases in the guest room, and Natalie invites me into the living room. The kids start some kind of chase game as I sit down on the couch, still holding River; Natalie sits nearby and reaches over to rest a sympathetic hand on my arm.
"How’re you holding up, Zac? I know this must be really hard…"
If that’s not the understatement of the year, I don’t know what is. I shrug a little. "It is," I say softly. "Just…existing, for now." That’s a good word for it. I’m not really living, not with this immense weight of loss and despair inside.
Natalie smiles a little. "Well, that’s really about all you can do," she says, her voice shaking slightly. Taylor and Isaac return from upstairs, and Ezra plows into his father, shouting something. Natalie glances over at her child and husband, and smiles a little as Tay hoists his eldest into his arms and tosses him into the air. She turns back to me. "If there’s anything I can do to help…if there’s anything you need while you’re here…just let me know, okay?" I can feel the grin sneaking back onto my face as Penny dashes over to her daddy and clings to his leg, clamoring for attention. "You’re already helping," I say quietly, and Natalie smiles a little and rests a hand gently on my arm again. The kids are so vibrant, so alive, it seems to seep into me as well, making me feel a little better.
"Uncle Zac! Uncle Ike! Come and see!" Penny is calling, running back over to grin her adorable grin at me and then Ike. "Me an’ Ezzie’ve been pwacticing weally hard!" Ezra’s beaming and running over to dig out his toy keyboard from the living room toy chest. I smile a little again as I guess what’s coming. Tay and Ike join Natalie and me on the couch as Ezra drags the toy keyboard over and turns it on. Penny stands next to him, bouncing slightly on her toes as Ezra starts to pick out a melody on the keys. A very familiar melody. I glance at Taylor as his children start to sing the meaningless words that changed all our lives forever.
"Mmmbop, ba duba dop, ba du bop…" Oh my God it’s so adorable. Ez is singing the melody; Penny sings my part, and their pitch is pretty much spot on. It’s nowhere near perfect, but how in the world can kids that young harmonize that well? Tay and Ike are beaming now, delighted. The smile on my own face feels slightly more natural. I always wondered if Tay’s kids would get Tay’s musical talent, and it sounds like they have at least some part of it from this performance. They finish singing the chorus, and Tay and Natalie leap to their feet, cheering and applauding. Ike pops up next, and I follow a little slower, all four of us nearly cooing from the absolute adorableness of the kids. Ezra’s grin lights up his whole face as he bows; he’s already becoming quite the little showman. Like father, like kids, indeed.
I don’t really pay that much attention to whatever else we do that afternoon. Playing with the kids, as much as I feel able to play with them, helps take my mind off Kate. I help Natalie get dinner ready for everyone. Nikki comes over with Everett to join us for dinner; she’s got the same sad eyes as everyone else, and she hugs me hello with a quiet word of sympathy. I murmur something back and turn to play with Everett. As adorable as the kids are, though, it hurts to be surrounded by them. I’ll never have a child of my own, now. Kate and I weren’t exactly trying for kids, but we weren’t doing anything to prevent it either. I love kids; with four younger siblings I was kind of destined to. I guess I’ll have to "parent" retroactively through my niece and nephews.
Ike and Nikki leave fairly early so Everett can get to bed, and the long, drawn-out process of bedtime begins for Tay and Nat's children. Even with me helping, it takes almost an hour to get everyone bathed, changed and back in their bedroom for the tenth time. When the house is finally quiet Tay, Nat and I aren’t quite sure what to do. They keep shooting me these sympathetic, sad little glances when they think I don’t notice. After about half an hour I can’t take the attempts at small talk anymore, and head to the guestroom. Even surrounded by people, I still feel alone. Nights are the worst, and it’s weird being somewhere where there’s nothing of Kate. It takes awhile, but eventually I drift off into uneasy dreams of a bright smile and a soothing touch.