"Running Scared" - A Gift for princessgilly
Title: Running Scared
Author: fineandyou
Gift For: princessgilly
Summary: He needed to step up. She needed to stop being so weird around him.
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Word Count: 8121 words
A/N: Thanks very much to my amazing beta, hondagirll. To my giftee, I managed to use two of the three quotes you requested. It was fun to write and I hope you enjoy it.
- “I was angry with my friend:”
(September)
The course of life is never a definite thing. It’s not something you can plan or rationalize. It’s not tangible and you can’t control it. There is only one thing you can do: live in the moment. This was a fact of life that Rose Weasley knew far too well. Moreover, she’d come to accept the rare comfort from these unknown variables. She supposed that people had a fear of the unknown and that by having an explicit outcome, they’d be more secure in their decision making. It was all just a load of Hippogriff dung to her. She’d known at the age of eleven that life would never really turn out the way it was planned.
Still, she was never able to understand why out of all the unpredictable occurrences in her life, this was the only one she couldn’t begin to accept, to follow through. It was unknown territory; too many uncertainties and problems would happen ... and it was one of her sole weaknesses. Oh, the hypocrisy of it all.
To think, out of everything in her sixteen-year-old life, he was the only element that she didn’t want to approach or begin to understand. He was a vital part of her life or at least most of the major parts of it. She couldn’t get rid of him and wasn’t sure if she wanted to, really. It’d taken her years - five to be exact - to begin to accept his place in the whole scheme of things and even then, she was still unsure of it all. Why couldn’t she be indifferent towards him? Why did she seem to care so much?
“...possess mystical properties. And that, my sixth-year N.E.W.T students, is the history of runic alphabets. Now you’ll all pair-off and begin the first phase of decoding. I’ve given each table a pre-selected subject on which the runes are based to start you off. Remember, it’s worth half your entire year’s grade! You’ve got until the end of this class to have something substantial.”
She’d tuned in to hear the end of Professor Babbling’s monologue and consequently, the year’s assignment. Great work Rose! It’s only the second week of class and you’re day-dreaming already? Focus! She sat up, attempting to seem less blasé and gave herself a mental slap. She needed to master reading runes. She couldn’t fail, didn’t want to be a disappointment. It was the only class she always felt less than adequate in, no matter how much she read, or how many runes she’d tried to translate. Something always eluded her.
Quiet shuffling filled the spacious classroom as students rearranged themselves with a partner. She looked to the left, hoping to find her best friend waiting patiently, but was met with an empty seat. Marianne couldn’t do this to her. Not now! She was the most adept at runes in their year and Rose was depending on her to help. She swiveled around, slightly frantic, but soon found Marianne at a table near the back, and was she flirting? Yes, Rose knew that soft giggle anywhere. Why oh why had Marianne chosen this particular moment to acquaint herself with humans of the opposite sex? - And with her cousin of all people?
If it were any other day, it wouldn’t have bothered Rose in the slightest that her best friend deserted her for a boy. If it were any other class, she wouldn’t have minded another partner. But this wasn’t any other day, it certainly wasn’t a different class and Rose was definitely not any better at Ancient Runes than the dunderheaded, Ravenclaw Quidditch captain Marianne had the unfortunate circumstances of tutoring. What had she done to deserve this?
There was no one else who could help her get through this class as well as Marianne. Everyone else had already paired off, leaving her alone. But that couldn’t be right, the class held an even number of students. Who else was left? And then it hit her. No, this can’t be happening. I’m not ready for this. Acerbic words threatened to spill over and be flung towards the back of the classroom but that was easier said than done. As always, life didn’t care if you were ready or willing.
Two brief taps on her shoulder had her turning around to face the inevitable. She was going to make Marianne pay dearly - if she could only get out of the class alive. “It appears that our original partners have decided to ‘get to know’ one another.” The silky voice of Scorpius Malfoy floated down to Rose’s flaming ears.
Oh Gods, she didn’t want to speak to him. Not today, not ever. Wasn’t it enough that he and Albus had taken a shine to one another since first year? No, she had to be subjected to his company almost everyday too. And it wasn’t that he was thick-headed or proud like his father - completely the opposite actually ... or so she observed. Scorpius Malfoy was quickly becoming everything his father wasn’t and so much more and when she’d realized this, all her problems began.
There was no way she could ask to switch partners. To everyone else, they got along fairly well but she knew the truth. Barely a word was ever spoken between the pair and all conversations took place whenever Albus or another of the Weasley or Potter clan was present. She couldn’t explain to Marianne her desperate problem, because as far as Marianne thought, Scorpius was ‘a fine specimen’. She could never figure out why out of everyone she knew, Scorpius was the one to make her feel so discomfited and harebrained. He was an enigma, but she wasn’t willing to lay out the pieces and see the entire picture.
Without waiting for response, he sat on the stool next to her and neatly placed his books on the workbench. He was really serious about this and she had a hard time stopping herself from cringing. “Have you looked at the assignment yet?”
“Um, no. I was too busy thinking of ways to effectively murder Marianne for ditching me.” She was actually considering telling him. Not about her weird problem around him, about the fact that she was abysmal in Ancient Runes. “Actually, to tell you the truth, Runes isn’t my best subject. In fact I’m barely passing as it is and since Marianne is the best, I was hoping for her guidance.” She smiled sheepishly and looked up at him only to find a small smile gracing his otherwise stoic features.
“Well, isn’t it your luck that I’m also one of the top students in this class? It’d be no trouble if you wanted some help. That is if you want mine?” He was staring at her intently, silvery wisps of hair falling into his blue-grey eyes.
She couldn’t believe it. How had she forgotten his skills with runes? Now he was offering his help? This was too good to be true. She almost felt like she should accept his help.
“Ah, Miss Weasley, Mr. Malfoy,” Professor Babbling strode to their work table, “I’m glad to see you working together. Rose could use the extra help.” She nudged Scorpius lightly and Rose couldn’t help but feel slighted at her professor’s observation.
“Yes, I was just offering my services to her, which she gladly accepted.”
What? That...how can he say that? I haven’t accepted anything and if this twit thinks he can get away with lying, he’s got another thing coming. Rose’s fury was bubbling over by the time the professor was finished commending the young Malfoy on his superb runes project. She couldn’t believe his audacity but when she positioned her glare in his direction, he’d already begun writing a general plan for their assignment.
“I really think we should do some background research on Lima’s culture. The book she’s given us is all about hieroglyphics in Peru. Is that okay with you?”
“Absolutely,” she gritted out and audibly sighed in relief when the bell rang to signal the end of class. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow and we’ll work on it then?” She just wanted to run. Why was she finalising plans for their project? She’d wanted to get away from him, not work with him! She was almost there; just a few more steps and she would be on her way to her last class.
“Wait, we need more time for this if I’m also going to be helping you in general. Can we talk during dinner tonight so I can make a schedule?” Scorpius’ voice called out to her and Rose wanted to shout in frustration, scream and stomp her feet. This is all for your grades. Stop it.
“Yes, we’ll do that. I’ll see you at seven then. I’ve got to get to class now.” Rose all but disappeared out of the now deserted room.
******
The wooden door to her room burst open, admitting the object of Rose’s thoughts. Marianne Blackstone, a sixth-year Ravenclaw and Rose’s best friend, hummed with energy and untold secrets. She was practically bouncing with excitement and Rose found it particularly annoying. Rose was, for all intents and purposes, dreading dinner later this evening and were it not for Marianne’s alternate agenda could’ve been calmly completing the last of her assignments. Instead, she found herself over-analyzing and worrying. Since her last class, she’d holed herself in the Common Room, finally retreating to the silence of her room with the arrival of more peers. Really, why are you so worried? He’s just Scorpius. Why has it ever been such a big deal to you? Unable to answer the question, Rose turned to face Marianne with a stony glare.
“Well, what’s wrong with you today? I saw you in class with Scorpius. Do tell!” The wiggle of brows was lost on Rose as her emotions shot straight to indignation.
“That’s what’s wrong! I can’t believe that you’d leave me to fend for myself in runes. I’ve told you before. To make matters worse Babbling’s made it clear that I need the extra help and to Malfoy of all people!” Rose was never one for passionate outbursts but something in her snapped at the mention of the blond and there was no turning back.
“Honestly, what’s the problem? It’s not like he’s trying to sabotage your grades or anything. Besides, Albus assured me that Scorpius would be more than willing to work with you.”
“Scorpius offered to help me out.” The raven-haired girl beamed at her friend, and thanked her stars for Albus’ ingenuity.
“It’s partly due to Albus’ and my doing that you two are partners.” At this revelation, Rose couldn’t help but exclaim loudly and angrily.
“What? It’s your fault? You know how I feel about...” Rose caught herself, but just barely, before becoming a bumbling fool going off about god knew what.
“Actually Rose, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me on how you feel?” Just great. Her friend caught her and now she was going to have to explain her odd distaste for all things Scorpius Malfoy.
Rose’s cheeks flamed a bright red, clashing with her auburn hair as she averted her eyes to Marianne's pointed stare. She was backed into the proverbial corner and the only way out now was to tell. She sighed, deep and weary before uttering the sentence.
“It’s just that...he, Scorpius that is...I...” She took a deep breath and started over. “I don’t understand him.” If only Marianne knew how hard it was for Rose to admit such a thing. A long moment stretched between the pair, Rose looking out the window into the expanse of the black lake while Marianne tried to form a sentence.
Abrupt laughter broke the silence and the build-up of anger made its way through Rose’s system. “That’s it? You don’t understand him so therefore you don’t want try?” Marianne shook her head incredulously at her friend’s less than stellar reasoning. “Rose, he’s not a threat. If you’re worried about losing your family or friends to him, don’t. He’s not taking them away from you. He’s never even tried. And I know that Albus, and even on occasion James, has been spending more time with him, but you have to understand that they’re boys.”
Rose was rather annoyed. She wasn’t afraid of losing Albus to Scorpius! Why’d Marianne take it that way? She had to stop her fast before she got any more brilliant ideas. “No, you really don’t understand. Maybe I’m not explaining myself.” Marianne gestured for her to continue.
“Ever since I’ve known him or been around him, I’ve always felt less than adequate. It’s like he throws everything off balance in my life and I’m afraid that if I get to know him that nothing would be the same anymore - for me at least. He brings out the worst in me it seems and I know he’s been nothing but friendly towards me and I try, I really do, but there’s always going to be this ... this ... barrier that I can’t break through.” A lone tear slipped down her cheek and Rose made quick work of hiding it. It wouldn’t do well for her to be so emotional about something she gave little thought.
Marianne seemed to be deep in thought for she hadn’t moved from her position near the door in over five minutes and Rose was becoming more unnerved as she heard each second on the clock tick by. Oh gods, she probably thinks I’m an absolute nutter! What was I thinking, trying to explain this - and I don’t even understand it? It’s official, all these years of talking to James and Albus has finally addled my brain. A few more silent moments passed through the room and when it was certain there was going to be no more talking for the night, Marianne started speaking.
“Haven’t you ever wondered why it is you feel this way around him? I mean it’s not like he’s ever done anything out of the ordinary around you, though lately...” At this, she broke off and began pacing the short length of the room. Rose’s interest was immediately peaked and she seemed to be hanging on to every word Marianne said - or rather, didn’t. The young Weasley was growing quite frustrated by her friend’s actions and the dull throb in her brain spoke of an oncoming migraine. Where was her mother when she needed her?
“Mari, I’m trying really hard to understand you but it’s late and my brain just doesn’t work the way it used to. Why don’t we just continue this tomorrow?”
“Actually, Albus and I were going to get some extra reading material in Hogsmeade tomorrow. I’m sorry, I know I promised you that’d we’d spend the first one together but please understand.” And Rose did, really. She just wanted someone to help her out.
“Do you like Albus?” When Rose saw the shade of red her friend’s cheeks took on, she knew the answer was a resounding yes. “What kind of friend would I be if I denied you something like this? Goodnight then. I think I’ll skip dinner tonight. I’m really tired and I think I’m coming down with something.”
Marianne bid her goodnight and went to the Great Hall. The last thoughts Rose had before drifting off into a fitful slumber were of writing her mother and a missed meeting with the cause of all her problems.
*****
Scorpius Malfoy was fuming. There were only a handful of times he could truly say he was angry. This, he’d like to believe, was one of them. He just couldn’t understand, though not for lack of trying, why the one thing he wanted most kept evading him. Five years of knowing her, five years of watching, five gruelling years of seeing her transform and knowing he would never get her to look in his direction, and still he held out for her. He was running out of ideas, time and patience.
All he’d asked of her was to meet him for less than ten minutes in the Great Hall. She was hesitant, but agreed anyway and he thought it was actually a step in the right direction. Boy was he wrong. He’d waited the entire evening for her in the hopes that she wouldn’t leave him looking like a fool. Wrong again. So now he was on his way to see his best friend and cousin to the object of his affections. One sharp knock on the Gryffindor Common Room door later had Scorpius yanking Albus out the door and onto the grounds.
Albus could tell his friend was angry and he knew that somehow, he was the reason for it. He followed the blond to the edge of the Black lake and watched as Scorpius paced the perimeter before addressing him, his anger deflated.
“Why did you pair me with Rose? It’s uncomfortable being around her.” He gritted his teeth in frustration.
Now, Albus knew of his friend’s crush on his cousin but he was waiting until he acknowledged it himself.
“Because I think I like Marianne. You understand, yeah? It’s just for this class.” Albus smirked knowing Scorpius had finally realized that he knew.
Scorpius knew that his friend was just trying to help him out and he wanted it to work out, really he did, but what was the sense in trying if she didn’t even want to take a chance? He would make this his last attempt and after this, whatever happened would be for the best. He only hoped he’d be able to make it the rest of the school year in such close proximity to her.
*****
- “I told my wrath, my wrath did end :”
(November)
The progression of the school term brought with it a change in seasons and for Scorpius, more chances for his plan to fail. So far, he’d had a total of three private meetings and tutoring sessions with Rose and in every one of those, she’d fled so fast as soon as the allotted hour was over. He’d wanted to groan in frustration each time but hey, he was still spending time with her and that was all that mattered for now. Albus and Marianne had better know what they’re doing.
He was waiting for her now. It seemed like that was all he did these days - wait. He stared out the window of the library for a while, watching the rain fall and realized she wasn’t coming. Why wasn’t he surprised? He never expected her to do anything but run away around him. He didn’t think he would suddenly become her best friend after he’d gotten her a new quill (he noticed her apparent favourite was chewed and frayed). At this point he had absolutely no expectations of Rose Weasley. He knew he would be disappointed in the end if he did. So he packed his books, left and got to the end of the hall when he saw it.
He stood in the entryway, looking out into the expanse of opaque greenery, his eyes focused on a stationary object. The rain was falling in sheets of cold, white ice but there she stood, solemn and somehow ... peaceful. He wanted to approach her, but then he would be giving in to everything he couldn’t - or wasn’t allowed to - have. She wasn’t his, but oh, how he wished it to be true. So he stayed there for a few instances more, silently basking in her complexity and unknown charm. A hand on his shoulder brought him to the present and he turned to face the disturbance.
“Why don’t you just tell her already?” The all-knowing voice of Albus Severus Potter shattered the internal calm he felt mere minutes ago.
A laugh escaped, hollow and full of longing but Scorpius knew when to let go of things and Rose Weasley was something he would never have. “You just don’t get it. It’s not going to happen. Thanks for trying but I’ll just do this project and after that, I won’t think about her anymore.” He knew it was a lie and so did Albus, but right now, lying to himself was the only thing that kept him sane.
He heard Albus’ steady retreat of footsteps and fixed his eyes back on the girl in the rain and marvelled at the way she melded into the beads, her auburn hair in stark contrast to the overall grey of his world. His silver-blue eyes transfixed with her gentle swaying, he didn’t notice her troubled features in the downpour.
Cold began seeping into his robes, causing his skin to break out in gooseflesh and it was only when he was a few paces from her did he realize his feet had taken him where he least wanted to be. It was now or never he thought, best to get it over with now. But just as his resolve was fading and he felt the desire to flee, she turned, shock apparent on her face at seeing him there.
“What are you doing?” He heard the soft pitch of her voice through the constant splash of rain. Funny, he was just about to ask her the same thing. Instead, words spilled out of his mouth, and he was unable to hide the anger building up.
“I thought we were supposed to meet tonight? I said I’d help you but if you feel content to waste my time then I can assure you that I won’t assist you anymore.” He clenched his fists at his side.
Quiet indignation was building in the pit of Rose’s stomach. How dare he make such an accusation? She was rather thankful of all the time he spent with her, not that she’d ever told him but still.
“It’s not like I asked for your help! You just assumed that I wanted it and now you want to complain because I didn’t tell you I wasn’t coming today?”
“Well, forgive me for trying to be helpful. I’m sorry I mistook your admission of barely passing as a sign that you wanted help.”
By now, they were poised in stances of attack, each taking a full step forward with each new shout. Scorpius was watching her intently noting the intense rise and fall of her chest and the bloom of colour on her cheeks. Rose couldn’t help but notice how different Scorpius looked when angry. She found it rather ... attractive.
Stop. You think he’s attractive?
But no sooner had the thought occurred that she found Scorpius’ body far too close for her liking. He was overwhelming, his tall frame standing over her shorter one.
He couldn’t take it. That one step had brought him so close to her body and now he felt her short puffs of breath on his neck. All he wanted right then was to press his cold lips to hers.
Just for a moment, to feel.
The air around them was crackling with intensity. Rose felt like she was drowning in the feel of it. It was too much and she did the only thing she knew how to. Run.
He stood there, the abruptness of her absence bringing back the chill of the coming winter.
*****
(December)
Albus was a man of many talents, or so he liked to think. You see, he was a people watcher. Not a creeper or anything but he just saw the things that most people tried to hide. For instance, he knew something was going on between Rose and Scorpius but not in the way he wanted it to. He saw the way they avoided each other, each doing an intricate dance to make sure the other was always two steps behind. He’d known something was different since the day he’d spoken to Scorpius outside the library. All he had to do now was find out what.
Scorpius was finding it hard to concentrate lately. Well, ever since that day in the rain. He argued with himself that he should be angry. He should never want to speak to her again but he’d be lying if he said those things. The truth was, he’d wanted to get some reaction out of her rather than indifference and now that she’d shown him this new side, he didn’t know how to approach her. Almost every day, he would replay the scene in his mind trying to memorize the way she looked that day, cheeks flushed and shouting. She was ready to fight him and he was almost sure her anger would outweigh his.
Even as he sat next to her in the classroom, he could feel the tension radiating off of her in waves. Lines of frustration marred her forehead and she was absentmindedly tugging at the roots of her hair. He didn’t want to be the cause of all that. He wanted ... well, he wasn’t quite sure actually.
He just couldn’t figure out why she was avoiding him too. The only thing he thought of was that she was beginning to see him differently. He couldn’t tell how the thought made his heart soar with untold desires. Scorpius needed to break the quiet. Their project was suffering and soon, the holidays would be here. He would be spending his Christmas at Hogwarts this year, by request of Albus. He didn’t even want to dwell on the ‘festivities’ Al had planned for everyone. He glanced sidelong at her, watching her mouth set in a frown and noticing the quiet that settled around them.
Gods, he hated awkward silences with a passion!
Rose was definitely uncomfortable. She hadn’t stopped thinking and over-analyzing Scorpius’ behaviour since that day and now, she could barely look at him. He’d been so angry that day - with her - and she knew it was deserved. But now, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. When she’d told Marianne what had happened, the last question she’d ever expected to hear was out in the open.
“So you like him then?”
She’d vehemently denied any feelings for the blond then, but now, she was unsure. Lately, she’d been wondering if her past reactions - or lack thereof - to the blond were because of some denied attraction. She couldn’t lie about it now; she was definitely beginning to tolerate him. It was just ... so frustrating! She hated feeling confused and figuring out how to act around someone she’d ignored for most of her life was beginning to take its toll on her.
She couldn’t believe that he’d replaced her quill - her favourite one. They were so hard to find and expensive. Surely, he hadn’t been paying that close attention to her? Gods, he made her feel like such a horrible person. Here he was, trying to be nice to her and all she’d done was ignore him and accuse him of falsehoods!
She knew that they were both equally self-conscious around each other now and that caused them to neglect the runes assignment. She wouldn’t let some petty argument be the reason for her failing a class - or her stubbornness for that matter. So she resolved it in her mind that it would end today. Anything concerning Scorpius Malfoy outside of this class would be shoved to the back of her mind and forgotten. Well, hopefully.
Now, she had to initiate conversation. Okay, it’s not as hard as it seems. Just relax. Oh, who was she trying to fool? She wasn’t a social butterfly, but never had someone so infuriating caused her to be at a loss for words. Thankfully, he made the task easy for her.
“I’ve begun translating parts of the rune. So far it’s just been a jumble of letters. I think Professor Babbling wants us to decode as well as translate.” Scorpius swore he would leave the class if she continued to ignore him.
Rose angled her face to his and smiled slowly, cautiously. “Show me what you’ve done so far.”
*****
-“I was angry with my foe :”
(Christmas Eve, 7:15 p.m.)
Things were definitely going well for Scorpius. He’d gotten up to this point with Rose right? At first it was still weird for them because of the ... um ... yeah ... but they’d quickly made an unspoken agreement to get over it and now he was almost sure she was being friendly with him. Lately he’d begun talking to her about things apart from their assignment and class and though she was still somewhat hesitant, he found her opening up slowly but surely. They were done with the first two phases of the assignment and now his interactions with her were based solely on their limited one-on-one time.
Presently, they were eating dinner in the Great Hall with Albus and Marianne. It felt almost ... intimate because they were the sole occupants of this particular table and the constant cow eyes both Albus and Marianne were fixing on each other. It was quite nauseating really. He was actually rather content to stare at the slowly diminishing contents of his plate. That is, before he was attacked by Albus’ foot. The contact of the Gryffindor’s foot to Scorpius’ shin made the blond want to howl in anger, but he suppressed it. Intent on fixing a stony glare Albus’ way, he locked eyes with Marianne instead. The fury behind her eyes was disconcerting at best and for it to be directed at his person was confounding. What had he done this time around?
“So Scorpius,” Albus began in a tone that belied his previous actions, “what made you stay for Christmas this year?” Silence followed his absurd question and Scorpius was seriously wondering if he’d heard correctly.
“Um ... you did Al. Am I missing something here? I believe it was you who told me to forsake the traditional ‘Malfoy Christmas dinner and consequent small talk’ this year because you had something planned.” Silence fell on the four and Albus grinned sheepishly. Scorpius couldn’t refrain from continuing. “And for your information, Malfoy dinners are not like that. They usually involve less talking and more interrogating.” He heard a small snicker from across the table and looked over at a silently shaking Rose. He mentally congratulated himself on getting another reaction out of her than forced cheerfulness. “And you’d think,” He continued, “that it’d be ‘dear old dad’ doing the questioning but it’s actually my mum!”
“You should spend a Christmas with us then.” The words were out before Rose could process them and as she tried to tell her hands to clamp over her mouth, words poured out again. “That is, I mean, if you want to. Mum likes you and well ...” Oh, gods! It was like diarrhoea of the mouth. She was sure her face was flaming red. She could practically feel her insides spontaneously combusting with every second he stared at her and the consequent embarrassment she felt. How could she insinuate that she liked him too when it was completely untrue?
Okay, maybe it wasn’t that much of an untruth. Just maybe, she was coming to terms with the slight attraction she had for the blond.
Rose didn’t know what it was about him. One minute she would be perfectly fine sitting across the table from him learning about varying runic myths and the next, she would find herself cataloguing his features. So far she’d appreciated his hands and overall form. She’d hoped it was just an odd fascination and that it would go away but she’d known after the second occurrence that it was just a lie. She hated the constant swooping of her stomach every time she was in his presence. It was like she’d swallowed mutant bats. Whole! And they were just trying to escape. At this point, she would’ve done anything to get rid of them.
And now, he was staring at her with those piercing eyes. She’d never looked into his eyes for longer than a few seconds for fear of getting trapped in them but now, she was helpless to look away. His gaze was firmly fixed on hers and she found the rest of the room to be slowly dissolving. She could feel the bats surging to life again and today, she found she didn’t mind them as much. They were almost ... pleasant. She was beginning to feel awkward though. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her yet and both her cousin and best friend were staring at the pair, a knowing smile on their faces.
She had to leave before any more uncensored thoughts made themselves known. She made to excuse herself from the present company when several owls flew in, dropping small parcels and letters. She looked up expectantly, some letters dropping into her open hands. A thrill of excitement rushed through her as she leafed through her correspondence, recognizing all but one of her senders. With a bemused expression, she broke the red wax seal and read its contents.
It was ... a secret admirer?
Her eyes flicked briefly to Scorpius, searching for some sign of recognition but his gaze was fixed downward again, his mood shifted. Did she want it to be Scorpius? What would she do it if was anyway? The writer seemed overly enthusiastic about professing his feelings for her and to be honest, it made Rose hesitant to accept his wish of meeting.
Marianne nudged her in the side, clearly interested in the letter. “What could be in that letter to get you so horror struck?” and with great grandeur, she plucked the letter out of Rose’s hands and read aloud. “Oh, you’ve got a secret admirer!” Something in her tone of voice made Rose feel slightly suspicious. She couldn’t place it, or begin to dwell on it because the angry sound of wood scraping against stone alerted her and all she could see was the retreating form of Scorpius. She idly wondered about his shift in moods before Marianne engaged her in conversation, contemplating her possible admirers. She didn’t notice the loss of Albus’ presence soon after.
Oh, what was he thinking - trying to get the attentions of Rose Weasley? It was a failure to try. Of course, he wasn’t the only boy to show interest in her and he sure as hell didn’t expect her to stay single forever. But to see actual proof when he was so close to achieving something, that was his breaking point. He watched as the emotions flitted across her face and when that chit of a girl, Marianne, confirmed his suspicions, he had to fight to keep the ever - mounting frustration hidden.
It didn’t work out, clearly, because he found himself mumbling some half - arsed excuse about a letter to his parents and then he was all but running out of the Great Hall. Too absorbed in his thoughts was he that he paid no mind to where his feet were talking him or the fact that someone was trailing behind him. It was only when he breathed in the icy air and felt its daggers deep inside his lungs that he fully appreciated the emptiness of the Quidditch grounds. The utter silence that enveloped him was astounding and he would’ve stayed there all night, were it not for a disturbance in the form of Albus Potter. He really needed to work on his bloody timing.
What did it matter anyway? Albus was trying - oh fuck it. Albus was just going to make him feel even more pathetic about the entire situation, reminding him of all the things he should’ve done years and months ago. Why couldn’t he realize that things didn’t work out that way? Life wasn’t ever going to happen the way you wanted it to. He needed to accept it and move on. Albus was like his father in that sense that he figured things out, always trying to change the outcome that was already predetermined and irrevocably interwoven into the strands of your life.
“What’s gotten into you?” He heard Albus’ amused tone before he spun to face him.
“Well, I’m so glad you can gain some form of entertainment from my follies. Did you really think it necessary to come rub it in my face?” Anger was rippling off him in waves and he could feel the raw magic threatening to spill over if he didn’t control himself. “Tell me something, did you ever believe that this was going to work out?” He stalked further out onto the field, his feet sinking into the wet grass and the cold air stinging his cheeks. Albus shouted to him, causing him to stop in shocked silence.
“It was from me! I only did it so she’d realize that she likes you. I've seen Rose looking at you and I just wish you’d stop being a coward and dancing around the issue. Don’t you realize it yet?” Scorpius with his back still turned was thankful that Albus couldn’t see the shock plastered on his face, the words unable to come out and make things right. He couldn’t begin to contemplate why Albus would do such a thing. Didn’t he know that it could ruin everything? What if there were false expectations? The questions roared in his brain and he couldn’t do anything to stop his mind from fearing the worst.
It was his entire fault. He couldn’t change things now. He just had to face the situation and make the best of it. Who would’ve thought that he would be the one hindering himself from getting what he wanted? He was a bloody fool! It really was simple if he thought about it but that was one of the frustrating things about hindsight. No one ever really knew if the path they took was the best until the outcome happened. He found that he should’ve spoken to her months ago in the rain. He would’ve made more of an effort. He could’ve done things differently. Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve but didn’t. There was no use in lamenting now anyway. Albus was waiting and he was sure there would be questions when Rose saw him later.
Quashing his emotions, he turned and took slow, measured steps back to where Albus, who was just staring blankly, stood. “What’re you looking at?” Scorpius found himself asking, in an attempt to change the subject and possible admonishing.
“What I’m looking for,” Albus began in all seriousness, “is any indication of a brain. I mean you’d think after all this time, that you’d have some common sense but apparently, that’s too much to ask.” He laughed loudly then and Scorpius was glad for the lighter atmosphere. ”Now come on. Why don’t we go to the Room of Requirement and see what I have planned?” He followed Albus’ lead, grateful that he would still have a chance to make things right.
*****
-“I told it not, my wrath did grow.”
(Christmas Eve, 9:45 p.m.)
Rose was getting antsy. She, along with several other people, was in the Room of Requirement enjoying an impromptu Christmas party, compliments of Albus and Marianne. The absence of one person weighed heavily on her conscience and she found that she couldn’t enjoy herself until she’d gotten a glimpse of his blond hair and lithe form. She didn’t know how, but her head swiveled to the door at the very moment he walked into the room. His face flushed and hair mussed, she thought him the picture of absolute perfection. It was hard for her to tear her eyes away but then he’d locked his gaze on hers and she ducked her head, her cheeks blooming red. Marianne sidled up to her then and gave a conspicuous wink, having the audacity to say “Go for it!”, if only it were that easy. She couldn’t just approach him! It was too risky and if she wanted to place her entire heart on the line, she would’ve been placed in Gryffindor. Her Ravenclaw rationality and sense kicked in and she stayed at the far side of the room, her opportunity slipping by. She looked over at him for the second time but his attentions were elsewhere and she felt a twinge of disappointment when he didn’t come to her.
She cursed herself silently. Everyone knew that they fancied each other. Why couldn’t they realize it? Furthermore, why did it take her so long to recognize it for what it was? It wasn’t love, no, far from it. But Rose fancied herself in like with the guy. Did he even like her? Doubts were filling her and pooling in her gut, making her nauseous. She had to escape, get some cool air - anything. She was close to the balcony doors, and rushed out, the moonlight spilling onto the marble floor and illuminating her pale features. She took in deep gulps, breathing as if it was her first time, the air crisp and sweet on her tongue. The soft light wrapped around her and she felt more at ease with each passing second. She didn’t know how long she stayed there - minutes, hours - but it was long enough for her to know that Scorpius was already gone and she was bombarded with the sensation of regret again. She left the party soon after, heading to her common room with a heavy heart and confused mind.
*****
(Christmas day, 9:15 a.m.)
Scorpius awoke to a harsh light slanting in through the curtains. He covered his eyes with a forearm but sleep was already running away from him. Stretching languidly, he rose from his bed and let his mind drift.
Rose.
The party.
Coward.
He’d wasted his chance for the millionth time and the rotten feeling did nothing to help him. He was utterly pathetic! He’d endured a harsh talk from both Albus and Marianne late last night when he’d slipped away.
”I can’t do this!” He’d shouted at the pair, hoping they could see his dilemma, but he knew he was making a mountain out of an anthill.
“You need to be straightforward with her. Stop bullshitting and do it!” Albus’ voice had taken on a hard edge and Scorpius was unwilling to contradict him. “Just grab her and snog her! That’s the most effective way to let her know. I would know.” He winked suggestively then and Scorpius fought the urge to groan in disgust.
“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard!” He was only making this harder for himself he noted.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” The only female voiced piped in, and both boys looked to her for a slice of wisdom. She continued, their attention focused solely on her words. “Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent manner.” She fell silent after that and everyone found that there was nothing left to say.
Okay he was going to do. Just act. He couldn’t take more of his own skirting around if he could help it. Pulling on a fresh pair of trousers, he selected a pale blue Oxford shirt and then it hit him.
Christmas.
He would be damned if he didn’t do something now. Taking a few minutes to compose himself, he smoothed his shirt and hair and with a few steps, he was walking out the dorm and into the Common Room. The sight before him was almost enough to make him stare for all eternity. Rose sat, curled in an armchair close to the fire, reading a large book. He guessed it to be A Christmas Carol and by the looks of it, she was nearing the end. He tapped her gently on the shoulder and she looked up at him, those brown eyes forever pulling him in that much more. His mouth went dry and he swallowed harshly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He saw her eyes track the movement before she looked at him and smiled.
“Can I talk to you? It’s important.” His heart began the awkward thrum whenever he was in her presence. Control yourself! She gestured to the other armchair near the fire and he took a seat.
Rose’s stomach was fluttering uncontrollably as soon as she turned to find Scorpius standing behind her. The warm weight of his hand on her shoulder sent pleasurable tingles throughout her body and she had to restrain herself from practically jumping him. He looked rather serious, almost like he would throw up at any point, and she began to grow a little nervous by his silence. She hoped whatever he had to say wasn’t life threatening.
One breath, two. He had to say it all. “I realize that lately I’ve been acting quite out of character. I apologize for that, but there’s a reason for it all.”
Oh, really? And what might that be? Rose wanted so much then to ask him, but thought better of it. She knew that any interruption would cost her dearly. He wasn’t the most talkative person after all.
“You see, you’ve always interested me. There’s just something about you ... but I always felt like you were avoiding me. It’s like you had me at arm’s length for so long and it’s only now that you’re beginning to relax around me.”
Rose was shocked at her transparent behaviour and quickly tried to deny it but he held up a hand silencing her. “It’s okay. Al and Marianne didn’t really notice. I’m just good at reading people.” He sent her a lopsided smile and she felt like melting into a puddle right there. The effect he had on her was so profound. How hadn’t she realized it before?
Deciding to try on some of that Gryffindor bravery, she asked - whispered - “And what signals am I sending right now?” She’d said it. There was no turning back now. She’d either be rejected or accepted. Hopefully it was the latter.
Did she just say that? He blinked once, then twice. Did he hear those words right? He opened his mouth to ask but caught her shy expression and red cheeks. He was gobsmacked. “Well,” He began tentatively, “there’s this guy you’ve been thinking about recently. He’d quite handsome and intelligent. You love spending time with him.”
“Hmm hmm.”
“You can’t help but swoon in his presence and you just know your family’s going to love him. Is that about right?” He couldn’t help the grin that formed on his face then, despite his obvious attempts to remain serious.
“You got almost everything right. There’s just one important detail you left out.”
“Are you going to tell me then or leave me to suffer?” She laughed softly, and stood to leave but before she could take a step, his hand enclosed her wrist and pulled her back to the armchair he was resting in. She was now seated in his lap, so very close to his person. The playful atmosphere evaporated almost instantly and she found herself looking into his eyes. They were so painfully aware of the other person and each moment made it more apparent their feelings toward one another. “About this detail,” he pressed, his breath ghosting over her ear, warm and moist.
“This boy you speak of,” she breathed slowly, his slow caress of her arm making her shiver, “he likes the girl too. He’s been trying to hide it but everybody knows. The girl just wishes he’d make a move already.” The last sentence slipped out in her fog of coherency and she would’ve had the decency to look away had he not pressed his lips against hers.
Their mouths against each other’s, she gasped at the contact and he trailed his tongue against her lower lip. She was snogging Scorpius! She wanted to feel like it was wrong but the way she responded to his touch made her forget why she was trying to deny something so right. She hadn’t done anything up until that point and it felt like all her nerve impulses were firing off. He cupped her cheek delicately and she swivelled into a more comfortable position. He kissed her slowly, imprinting the feel of her in his mind, the way she tasted and reacted to his touch. Minutes later, they broke apart, foreheads touching and out of breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He laughed suddenly and Rose was transfixed by the picture he made, content that he was happy.
“I’m glad you finally did it.”
“Rose?” She made a little noise telling him to go on. “Merry Christmas.”
She kissed him again.
Author: fineandyou
Gift For: princessgilly
Summary: He needed to step up. She needed to stop being so weird around him.
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Word Count: 8121 words
A/N: Thanks very much to my amazing beta, hondagirll. To my giftee, I managed to use two of the three quotes you requested. It was fun to write and I hope you enjoy it.
- “I was angry with my friend:”
(September)
The course of life is never a definite thing. It’s not something you can plan or rationalize. It’s not tangible and you can’t control it. There is only one thing you can do: live in the moment. This was a fact of life that Rose Weasley knew far too well. Moreover, she’d come to accept the rare comfort from these unknown variables. She supposed that people had a fear of the unknown and that by having an explicit outcome, they’d be more secure in their decision making. It was all just a load of Hippogriff dung to her. She’d known at the age of eleven that life would never really turn out the way it was planned.
Still, she was never able to understand why out of all the unpredictable occurrences in her life, this was the only one she couldn’t begin to accept, to follow through. It was unknown territory; too many uncertainties and problems would happen ... and it was one of her sole weaknesses. Oh, the hypocrisy of it all.
To think, out of everything in her sixteen-year-old life, he was the only element that she didn’t want to approach or begin to understand. He was a vital part of her life or at least most of the major parts of it. She couldn’t get rid of him and wasn’t sure if she wanted to, really. It’d taken her years - five to be exact - to begin to accept his place in the whole scheme of things and even then, she was still unsure of it all. Why couldn’t she be indifferent towards him? Why did she seem to care so much?
“...possess mystical properties. And that, my sixth-year N.E.W.T students, is the history of runic alphabets. Now you’ll all pair-off and begin the first phase of decoding. I’ve given each table a pre-selected subject on which the runes are based to start you off. Remember, it’s worth half your entire year’s grade! You’ve got until the end of this class to have something substantial.”
She’d tuned in to hear the end of Professor Babbling’s monologue and consequently, the year’s assignment. Great work Rose! It’s only the second week of class and you’re day-dreaming already? Focus! She sat up, attempting to seem less blasé and gave herself a mental slap. She needed to master reading runes. She couldn’t fail, didn’t want to be a disappointment. It was the only class she always felt less than adequate in, no matter how much she read, or how many runes she’d tried to translate. Something always eluded her.
Quiet shuffling filled the spacious classroom as students rearranged themselves with a partner. She looked to the left, hoping to find her best friend waiting patiently, but was met with an empty seat. Marianne couldn’t do this to her. Not now! She was the most adept at runes in their year and Rose was depending on her to help. She swiveled around, slightly frantic, but soon found Marianne at a table near the back, and was she flirting? Yes, Rose knew that soft giggle anywhere. Why oh why had Marianne chosen this particular moment to acquaint herself with humans of the opposite sex? - And with her cousin of all people?
If it were any other day, it wouldn’t have bothered Rose in the slightest that her best friend deserted her for a boy. If it were any other class, she wouldn’t have minded another partner. But this wasn’t any other day, it certainly wasn’t a different class and Rose was definitely not any better at Ancient Runes than the dunderheaded, Ravenclaw Quidditch captain Marianne had the unfortunate circumstances of tutoring. What had she done to deserve this?
There was no one else who could help her get through this class as well as Marianne. Everyone else had already paired off, leaving her alone. But that couldn’t be right, the class held an even number of students. Who else was left? And then it hit her. No, this can’t be happening. I’m not ready for this. Acerbic words threatened to spill over and be flung towards the back of the classroom but that was easier said than done. As always, life didn’t care if you were ready or willing.
Two brief taps on her shoulder had her turning around to face the inevitable. She was going to make Marianne pay dearly - if she could only get out of the class alive. “It appears that our original partners have decided to ‘get to know’ one another.” The silky voice of Scorpius Malfoy floated down to Rose’s flaming ears.
Oh Gods, she didn’t want to speak to him. Not today, not ever. Wasn’t it enough that he and Albus had taken a shine to one another since first year? No, she had to be subjected to his company almost everyday too. And it wasn’t that he was thick-headed or proud like his father - completely the opposite actually ... or so she observed. Scorpius Malfoy was quickly becoming everything his father wasn’t and so much more and when she’d realized this, all her problems began.
There was no way she could ask to switch partners. To everyone else, they got along fairly well but she knew the truth. Barely a word was ever spoken between the pair and all conversations took place whenever Albus or another of the Weasley or Potter clan was present. She couldn’t explain to Marianne her desperate problem, because as far as Marianne thought, Scorpius was ‘a fine specimen’. She could never figure out why out of everyone she knew, Scorpius was the one to make her feel so discomfited and harebrained. He was an enigma, but she wasn’t willing to lay out the pieces and see the entire picture.
Without waiting for response, he sat on the stool next to her and neatly placed his books on the workbench. He was really serious about this and she had a hard time stopping herself from cringing. “Have you looked at the assignment yet?”
“Um, no. I was too busy thinking of ways to effectively murder Marianne for ditching me.” She was actually considering telling him. Not about her weird problem around him, about the fact that she was abysmal in Ancient Runes. “Actually, to tell you the truth, Runes isn’t my best subject. In fact I’m barely passing as it is and since Marianne is the best, I was hoping for her guidance.” She smiled sheepishly and looked up at him only to find a small smile gracing his otherwise stoic features.
“Well, isn’t it your luck that I’m also one of the top students in this class? It’d be no trouble if you wanted some help. That is if you want mine?” He was staring at her intently, silvery wisps of hair falling into his blue-grey eyes.
She couldn’t believe it. How had she forgotten his skills with runes? Now he was offering his help? This was too good to be true. She almost felt like she should accept his help.
“Ah, Miss Weasley, Mr. Malfoy,” Professor Babbling strode to their work table, “I’m glad to see you working together. Rose could use the extra help.” She nudged Scorpius lightly and Rose couldn’t help but feel slighted at her professor’s observation.
“Yes, I was just offering my services to her, which she gladly accepted.”
What? That...how can he say that? I haven’t accepted anything and if this twit thinks he can get away with lying, he’s got another thing coming. Rose’s fury was bubbling over by the time the professor was finished commending the young Malfoy on his superb runes project. She couldn’t believe his audacity but when she positioned her glare in his direction, he’d already begun writing a general plan for their assignment.
“I really think we should do some background research on Lima’s culture. The book she’s given us is all about hieroglyphics in Peru. Is that okay with you?”
“Absolutely,” she gritted out and audibly sighed in relief when the bell rang to signal the end of class. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow and we’ll work on it then?” She just wanted to run. Why was she finalising plans for their project? She’d wanted to get away from him, not work with him! She was almost there; just a few more steps and she would be on her way to her last class.
“Wait, we need more time for this if I’m also going to be helping you in general. Can we talk during dinner tonight so I can make a schedule?” Scorpius’ voice called out to her and Rose wanted to shout in frustration, scream and stomp her feet. This is all for your grades. Stop it.
“Yes, we’ll do that. I’ll see you at seven then. I’ve got to get to class now.” Rose all but disappeared out of the now deserted room.
******
The wooden door to her room burst open, admitting the object of Rose’s thoughts. Marianne Blackstone, a sixth-year Ravenclaw and Rose’s best friend, hummed with energy and untold secrets. She was practically bouncing with excitement and Rose found it particularly annoying. Rose was, for all intents and purposes, dreading dinner later this evening and were it not for Marianne’s alternate agenda could’ve been calmly completing the last of her assignments. Instead, she found herself over-analyzing and worrying. Since her last class, she’d holed herself in the Common Room, finally retreating to the silence of her room with the arrival of more peers. Really, why are you so worried? He’s just Scorpius. Why has it ever been such a big deal to you? Unable to answer the question, Rose turned to face Marianne with a stony glare.
“Well, what’s wrong with you today? I saw you in class with Scorpius. Do tell!” The wiggle of brows was lost on Rose as her emotions shot straight to indignation.
“That’s what’s wrong! I can’t believe that you’d leave me to fend for myself in runes. I’ve told you before. To make matters worse Babbling’s made it clear that I need the extra help and to Malfoy of all people!” Rose was never one for passionate outbursts but something in her snapped at the mention of the blond and there was no turning back.
“Honestly, what’s the problem? It’s not like he’s trying to sabotage your grades or anything. Besides, Albus assured me that Scorpius would be more than willing to work with you.”
“Scorpius offered to help me out.” The raven-haired girl beamed at her friend, and thanked her stars for Albus’ ingenuity.
“It’s partly due to Albus’ and my doing that you two are partners.” At this revelation, Rose couldn’t help but exclaim loudly and angrily.
“What? It’s your fault? You know how I feel about...” Rose caught herself, but just barely, before becoming a bumbling fool going off about god knew what.
“Actually Rose, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me on how you feel?” Just great. Her friend caught her and now she was going to have to explain her odd distaste for all things Scorpius Malfoy.
Rose’s cheeks flamed a bright red, clashing with her auburn hair as she averted her eyes to Marianne's pointed stare. She was backed into the proverbial corner and the only way out now was to tell. She sighed, deep and weary before uttering the sentence.
“It’s just that...he, Scorpius that is...I...” She took a deep breath and started over. “I don’t understand him.” If only Marianne knew how hard it was for Rose to admit such a thing. A long moment stretched between the pair, Rose looking out the window into the expanse of the black lake while Marianne tried to form a sentence.
Abrupt laughter broke the silence and the build-up of anger made its way through Rose’s system. “That’s it? You don’t understand him so therefore you don’t want try?” Marianne shook her head incredulously at her friend’s less than stellar reasoning. “Rose, he’s not a threat. If you’re worried about losing your family or friends to him, don’t. He’s not taking them away from you. He’s never even tried. And I know that Albus, and even on occasion James, has been spending more time with him, but you have to understand that they’re boys.”
Rose was rather annoyed. She wasn’t afraid of losing Albus to Scorpius! Why’d Marianne take it that way? She had to stop her fast before she got any more brilliant ideas. “No, you really don’t understand. Maybe I’m not explaining myself.” Marianne gestured for her to continue.
“Ever since I’ve known him or been around him, I’ve always felt less than adequate. It’s like he throws everything off balance in my life and I’m afraid that if I get to know him that nothing would be the same anymore - for me at least. He brings out the worst in me it seems and I know he’s been nothing but friendly towards me and I try, I really do, but there’s always going to be this ... this ... barrier that I can’t break through.” A lone tear slipped down her cheek and Rose made quick work of hiding it. It wouldn’t do well for her to be so emotional about something she gave little thought.
Marianne seemed to be deep in thought for she hadn’t moved from her position near the door in over five minutes and Rose was becoming more unnerved as she heard each second on the clock tick by. Oh gods, she probably thinks I’m an absolute nutter! What was I thinking, trying to explain this - and I don’t even understand it? It’s official, all these years of talking to James and Albus has finally addled my brain. A few more silent moments passed through the room and when it was certain there was going to be no more talking for the night, Marianne started speaking.
“Haven’t you ever wondered why it is you feel this way around him? I mean it’s not like he’s ever done anything out of the ordinary around you, though lately...” At this, she broke off and began pacing the short length of the room. Rose’s interest was immediately peaked and she seemed to be hanging on to every word Marianne said - or rather, didn’t. The young Weasley was growing quite frustrated by her friend’s actions and the dull throb in her brain spoke of an oncoming migraine. Where was her mother when she needed her?
“Mari, I’m trying really hard to understand you but it’s late and my brain just doesn’t work the way it used to. Why don’t we just continue this tomorrow?”
“Actually, Albus and I were going to get some extra reading material in Hogsmeade tomorrow. I’m sorry, I know I promised you that’d we’d spend the first one together but please understand.” And Rose did, really. She just wanted someone to help her out.
“Do you like Albus?” When Rose saw the shade of red her friend’s cheeks took on, she knew the answer was a resounding yes. “What kind of friend would I be if I denied you something like this? Goodnight then. I think I’ll skip dinner tonight. I’m really tired and I think I’m coming down with something.”
Marianne bid her goodnight and went to the Great Hall. The last thoughts Rose had before drifting off into a fitful slumber were of writing her mother and a missed meeting with the cause of all her problems.
*****
Scorpius Malfoy was fuming. There were only a handful of times he could truly say he was angry. This, he’d like to believe, was one of them. He just couldn’t understand, though not for lack of trying, why the one thing he wanted most kept evading him. Five years of knowing her, five years of watching, five gruelling years of seeing her transform and knowing he would never get her to look in his direction, and still he held out for her. He was running out of ideas, time and patience.
All he’d asked of her was to meet him for less than ten minutes in the Great Hall. She was hesitant, but agreed anyway and he thought it was actually a step in the right direction. Boy was he wrong. He’d waited the entire evening for her in the hopes that she wouldn’t leave him looking like a fool. Wrong again. So now he was on his way to see his best friend and cousin to the object of his affections. One sharp knock on the Gryffindor Common Room door later had Scorpius yanking Albus out the door and onto the grounds.
Albus could tell his friend was angry and he knew that somehow, he was the reason for it. He followed the blond to the edge of the Black lake and watched as Scorpius paced the perimeter before addressing him, his anger deflated.
“Why did you pair me with Rose? It’s uncomfortable being around her.” He gritted his teeth in frustration.
Now, Albus knew of his friend’s crush on his cousin but he was waiting until he acknowledged it himself.
“Because I think I like Marianne. You understand, yeah? It’s just for this class.” Albus smirked knowing Scorpius had finally realized that he knew.
Scorpius knew that his friend was just trying to help him out and he wanted it to work out, really he did, but what was the sense in trying if she didn’t even want to take a chance? He would make this his last attempt and after this, whatever happened would be for the best. He only hoped he’d be able to make it the rest of the school year in such close proximity to her.
*****
- “I told my wrath, my wrath did end :”
(November)
The progression of the school term brought with it a change in seasons and for Scorpius, more chances for his plan to fail. So far, he’d had a total of three private meetings and tutoring sessions with Rose and in every one of those, she’d fled so fast as soon as the allotted hour was over. He’d wanted to groan in frustration each time but hey, he was still spending time with her and that was all that mattered for now. Albus and Marianne had better know what they’re doing.
He was waiting for her now. It seemed like that was all he did these days - wait. He stared out the window of the library for a while, watching the rain fall and realized she wasn’t coming. Why wasn’t he surprised? He never expected her to do anything but run away around him. He didn’t think he would suddenly become her best friend after he’d gotten her a new quill (he noticed her apparent favourite was chewed and frayed). At this point he had absolutely no expectations of Rose Weasley. He knew he would be disappointed in the end if he did. So he packed his books, left and got to the end of the hall when he saw it.
He stood in the entryway, looking out into the expanse of opaque greenery, his eyes focused on a stationary object. The rain was falling in sheets of cold, white ice but there she stood, solemn and somehow ... peaceful. He wanted to approach her, but then he would be giving in to everything he couldn’t - or wasn’t allowed to - have. She wasn’t his, but oh, how he wished it to be true. So he stayed there for a few instances more, silently basking in her complexity and unknown charm. A hand on his shoulder brought him to the present and he turned to face the disturbance.
“Why don’t you just tell her already?” The all-knowing voice of Albus Severus Potter shattered the internal calm he felt mere minutes ago.
A laugh escaped, hollow and full of longing but Scorpius knew when to let go of things and Rose Weasley was something he would never have. “You just don’t get it. It’s not going to happen. Thanks for trying but I’ll just do this project and after that, I won’t think about her anymore.” He knew it was a lie and so did Albus, but right now, lying to himself was the only thing that kept him sane.
He heard Albus’ steady retreat of footsteps and fixed his eyes back on the girl in the rain and marvelled at the way she melded into the beads, her auburn hair in stark contrast to the overall grey of his world. His silver-blue eyes transfixed with her gentle swaying, he didn’t notice her troubled features in the downpour.
Cold began seeping into his robes, causing his skin to break out in gooseflesh and it was only when he was a few paces from her did he realize his feet had taken him where he least wanted to be. It was now or never he thought, best to get it over with now. But just as his resolve was fading and he felt the desire to flee, she turned, shock apparent on her face at seeing him there.
“What are you doing?” He heard the soft pitch of her voice through the constant splash of rain. Funny, he was just about to ask her the same thing. Instead, words spilled out of his mouth, and he was unable to hide the anger building up.
“I thought we were supposed to meet tonight? I said I’d help you but if you feel content to waste my time then I can assure you that I won’t assist you anymore.” He clenched his fists at his side.
Quiet indignation was building in the pit of Rose’s stomach. How dare he make such an accusation? She was rather thankful of all the time he spent with her, not that she’d ever told him but still.
“It’s not like I asked for your help! You just assumed that I wanted it and now you want to complain because I didn’t tell you I wasn’t coming today?”
“Well, forgive me for trying to be helpful. I’m sorry I mistook your admission of barely passing as a sign that you wanted help.”
By now, they were poised in stances of attack, each taking a full step forward with each new shout. Scorpius was watching her intently noting the intense rise and fall of her chest and the bloom of colour on her cheeks. Rose couldn’t help but notice how different Scorpius looked when angry. She found it rather ... attractive.
Stop. You think he’s attractive?
But no sooner had the thought occurred that she found Scorpius’ body far too close for her liking. He was overwhelming, his tall frame standing over her shorter one.
He couldn’t take it. That one step had brought him so close to her body and now he felt her short puffs of breath on his neck. All he wanted right then was to press his cold lips to hers.
Just for a moment, to feel.
The air around them was crackling with intensity. Rose felt like she was drowning in the feel of it. It was too much and she did the only thing she knew how to. Run.
He stood there, the abruptness of her absence bringing back the chill of the coming winter.
*****
(December)
Albus was a man of many talents, or so he liked to think. You see, he was a people watcher. Not a creeper or anything but he just saw the things that most people tried to hide. For instance, he knew something was going on between Rose and Scorpius but not in the way he wanted it to. He saw the way they avoided each other, each doing an intricate dance to make sure the other was always two steps behind. He’d known something was different since the day he’d spoken to Scorpius outside the library. All he had to do now was find out what.
Scorpius was finding it hard to concentrate lately. Well, ever since that day in the rain. He argued with himself that he should be angry. He should never want to speak to her again but he’d be lying if he said those things. The truth was, he’d wanted to get some reaction out of her rather than indifference and now that she’d shown him this new side, he didn’t know how to approach her. Almost every day, he would replay the scene in his mind trying to memorize the way she looked that day, cheeks flushed and shouting. She was ready to fight him and he was almost sure her anger would outweigh his.
Even as he sat next to her in the classroom, he could feel the tension radiating off of her in waves. Lines of frustration marred her forehead and she was absentmindedly tugging at the roots of her hair. He didn’t want to be the cause of all that. He wanted ... well, he wasn’t quite sure actually.
He just couldn’t figure out why she was avoiding him too. The only thing he thought of was that she was beginning to see him differently. He couldn’t tell how the thought made his heart soar with untold desires. Scorpius needed to break the quiet. Their project was suffering and soon, the holidays would be here. He would be spending his Christmas at Hogwarts this year, by request of Albus. He didn’t even want to dwell on the ‘festivities’ Al had planned for everyone. He glanced sidelong at her, watching her mouth set in a frown and noticing the quiet that settled around them.
Gods, he hated awkward silences with a passion!
Rose was definitely uncomfortable. She hadn’t stopped thinking and over-analyzing Scorpius’ behaviour since that day and now, she could barely look at him. He’d been so angry that day - with her - and she knew it was deserved. But now, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. When she’d told Marianne what had happened, the last question she’d ever expected to hear was out in the open.
“So you like him then?”
She’d vehemently denied any feelings for the blond then, but now, she was unsure. Lately, she’d been wondering if her past reactions - or lack thereof - to the blond were because of some denied attraction. She couldn’t lie about it now; she was definitely beginning to tolerate him. It was just ... so frustrating! She hated feeling confused and figuring out how to act around someone she’d ignored for most of her life was beginning to take its toll on her.
She couldn’t believe that he’d replaced her quill - her favourite one. They were so hard to find and expensive. Surely, he hadn’t been paying that close attention to her? Gods, he made her feel like such a horrible person. Here he was, trying to be nice to her and all she’d done was ignore him and accuse him of falsehoods!
She knew that they were both equally self-conscious around each other now and that caused them to neglect the runes assignment. She wouldn’t let some petty argument be the reason for her failing a class - or her stubbornness for that matter. So she resolved it in her mind that it would end today. Anything concerning Scorpius Malfoy outside of this class would be shoved to the back of her mind and forgotten. Well, hopefully.
Now, she had to initiate conversation. Okay, it’s not as hard as it seems. Just relax. Oh, who was she trying to fool? She wasn’t a social butterfly, but never had someone so infuriating caused her to be at a loss for words. Thankfully, he made the task easy for her.
“I’ve begun translating parts of the rune. So far it’s just been a jumble of letters. I think Professor Babbling wants us to decode as well as translate.” Scorpius swore he would leave the class if she continued to ignore him.
Rose angled her face to his and smiled slowly, cautiously. “Show me what you’ve done so far.”
*****
-“I was angry with my foe :”
(Christmas Eve, 7:15 p.m.)
Things were definitely going well for Scorpius. He’d gotten up to this point with Rose right? At first it was still weird for them because of the ... um ... yeah ... but they’d quickly made an unspoken agreement to get over it and now he was almost sure she was being friendly with him. Lately he’d begun talking to her about things apart from their assignment and class and though she was still somewhat hesitant, he found her opening up slowly but surely. They were done with the first two phases of the assignment and now his interactions with her were based solely on their limited one-on-one time.
Presently, they were eating dinner in the Great Hall with Albus and Marianne. It felt almost ... intimate because they were the sole occupants of this particular table and the constant cow eyes both Albus and Marianne were fixing on each other. It was quite nauseating really. He was actually rather content to stare at the slowly diminishing contents of his plate. That is, before he was attacked by Albus’ foot. The contact of the Gryffindor’s foot to Scorpius’ shin made the blond want to howl in anger, but he suppressed it. Intent on fixing a stony glare Albus’ way, he locked eyes with Marianne instead. The fury behind her eyes was disconcerting at best and for it to be directed at his person was confounding. What had he done this time around?
“So Scorpius,” Albus began in a tone that belied his previous actions, “what made you stay for Christmas this year?” Silence followed his absurd question and Scorpius was seriously wondering if he’d heard correctly.
“Um ... you did Al. Am I missing something here? I believe it was you who told me to forsake the traditional ‘Malfoy Christmas dinner and consequent small talk’ this year because you had something planned.” Silence fell on the four and Albus grinned sheepishly. Scorpius couldn’t refrain from continuing. “And for your information, Malfoy dinners are not like that. They usually involve less talking and more interrogating.” He heard a small snicker from across the table and looked over at a silently shaking Rose. He mentally congratulated himself on getting another reaction out of her than forced cheerfulness. “And you’d think,” He continued, “that it’d be ‘dear old dad’ doing the questioning but it’s actually my mum!”
“You should spend a Christmas with us then.” The words were out before Rose could process them and as she tried to tell her hands to clamp over her mouth, words poured out again. “That is, I mean, if you want to. Mum likes you and well ...” Oh, gods! It was like diarrhoea of the mouth. She was sure her face was flaming red. She could practically feel her insides spontaneously combusting with every second he stared at her and the consequent embarrassment she felt. How could she insinuate that she liked him too when it was completely untrue?
Okay, maybe it wasn’t that much of an untruth. Just maybe, she was coming to terms with the slight attraction she had for the blond.
Rose didn’t know what it was about him. One minute she would be perfectly fine sitting across the table from him learning about varying runic myths and the next, she would find herself cataloguing his features. So far she’d appreciated his hands and overall form. She’d hoped it was just an odd fascination and that it would go away but she’d known after the second occurrence that it was just a lie. She hated the constant swooping of her stomach every time she was in his presence. It was like she’d swallowed mutant bats. Whole! And they were just trying to escape. At this point, she would’ve done anything to get rid of them.
And now, he was staring at her with those piercing eyes. She’d never looked into his eyes for longer than a few seconds for fear of getting trapped in them but now, she was helpless to look away. His gaze was firmly fixed on hers and she found the rest of the room to be slowly dissolving. She could feel the bats surging to life again and today, she found she didn’t mind them as much. They were almost ... pleasant. She was beginning to feel awkward though. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her yet and both her cousin and best friend were staring at the pair, a knowing smile on their faces.
She had to leave before any more uncensored thoughts made themselves known. She made to excuse herself from the present company when several owls flew in, dropping small parcels and letters. She looked up expectantly, some letters dropping into her open hands. A thrill of excitement rushed through her as she leafed through her correspondence, recognizing all but one of her senders. With a bemused expression, she broke the red wax seal and read its contents.
It was ... a secret admirer?
Her eyes flicked briefly to Scorpius, searching for some sign of recognition but his gaze was fixed downward again, his mood shifted. Did she want it to be Scorpius? What would she do it if was anyway? The writer seemed overly enthusiastic about professing his feelings for her and to be honest, it made Rose hesitant to accept his wish of meeting.
Marianne nudged her in the side, clearly interested in the letter. “What could be in that letter to get you so horror struck?” and with great grandeur, she plucked the letter out of Rose’s hands and read aloud. “Oh, you’ve got a secret admirer!” Something in her tone of voice made Rose feel slightly suspicious. She couldn’t place it, or begin to dwell on it because the angry sound of wood scraping against stone alerted her and all she could see was the retreating form of Scorpius. She idly wondered about his shift in moods before Marianne engaged her in conversation, contemplating her possible admirers. She didn’t notice the loss of Albus’ presence soon after.
Oh, what was he thinking - trying to get the attentions of Rose Weasley? It was a failure to try. Of course, he wasn’t the only boy to show interest in her and he sure as hell didn’t expect her to stay single forever. But to see actual proof when he was so close to achieving something, that was his breaking point. He watched as the emotions flitted across her face and when that chit of a girl, Marianne, confirmed his suspicions, he had to fight to keep the ever - mounting frustration hidden.
It didn’t work out, clearly, because he found himself mumbling some half - arsed excuse about a letter to his parents and then he was all but running out of the Great Hall. Too absorbed in his thoughts was he that he paid no mind to where his feet were talking him or the fact that someone was trailing behind him. It was only when he breathed in the icy air and felt its daggers deep inside his lungs that he fully appreciated the emptiness of the Quidditch grounds. The utter silence that enveloped him was astounding and he would’ve stayed there all night, were it not for a disturbance in the form of Albus Potter. He really needed to work on his bloody timing.
What did it matter anyway? Albus was trying - oh fuck it. Albus was just going to make him feel even more pathetic about the entire situation, reminding him of all the things he should’ve done years and months ago. Why couldn’t he realize that things didn’t work out that way? Life wasn’t ever going to happen the way you wanted it to. He needed to accept it and move on. Albus was like his father in that sense that he figured things out, always trying to change the outcome that was already predetermined and irrevocably interwoven into the strands of your life.
“What’s gotten into you?” He heard Albus’ amused tone before he spun to face him.
“Well, I’m so glad you can gain some form of entertainment from my follies. Did you really think it necessary to come rub it in my face?” Anger was rippling off him in waves and he could feel the raw magic threatening to spill over if he didn’t control himself. “Tell me something, did you ever believe that this was going to work out?” He stalked further out onto the field, his feet sinking into the wet grass and the cold air stinging his cheeks. Albus shouted to him, causing him to stop in shocked silence.
“It was from me! I only did it so she’d realize that she likes you. I've seen Rose looking at you and I just wish you’d stop being a coward and dancing around the issue. Don’t you realize it yet?” Scorpius with his back still turned was thankful that Albus couldn’t see the shock plastered on his face, the words unable to come out and make things right. He couldn’t begin to contemplate why Albus would do such a thing. Didn’t he know that it could ruin everything? What if there were false expectations? The questions roared in his brain and he couldn’t do anything to stop his mind from fearing the worst.
It was his entire fault. He couldn’t change things now. He just had to face the situation and make the best of it. Who would’ve thought that he would be the one hindering himself from getting what he wanted? He was a bloody fool! It really was simple if he thought about it but that was one of the frustrating things about hindsight. No one ever really knew if the path they took was the best until the outcome happened. He found that he should’ve spoken to her months ago in the rain. He would’ve made more of an effort. He could’ve done things differently. Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve but didn’t. There was no use in lamenting now anyway. Albus was waiting and he was sure there would be questions when Rose saw him later.
Quashing his emotions, he turned and took slow, measured steps back to where Albus, who was just staring blankly, stood. “What’re you looking at?” Scorpius found himself asking, in an attempt to change the subject and possible admonishing.
“What I’m looking for,” Albus began in all seriousness, “is any indication of a brain. I mean you’d think after all this time, that you’d have some common sense but apparently, that’s too much to ask.” He laughed loudly then and Scorpius was glad for the lighter atmosphere. ”Now come on. Why don’t we go to the Room of Requirement and see what I have planned?” He followed Albus’ lead, grateful that he would still have a chance to make things right.
*****
-“I told it not, my wrath did grow.”
(Christmas Eve, 9:45 p.m.)
Rose was getting antsy. She, along with several other people, was in the Room of Requirement enjoying an impromptu Christmas party, compliments of Albus and Marianne. The absence of one person weighed heavily on her conscience and she found that she couldn’t enjoy herself until she’d gotten a glimpse of his blond hair and lithe form. She didn’t know how, but her head swiveled to the door at the very moment he walked into the room. His face flushed and hair mussed, she thought him the picture of absolute perfection. It was hard for her to tear her eyes away but then he’d locked his gaze on hers and she ducked her head, her cheeks blooming red. Marianne sidled up to her then and gave a conspicuous wink, having the audacity to say “Go for it!”, if only it were that easy. She couldn’t just approach him! It was too risky and if she wanted to place her entire heart on the line, she would’ve been placed in Gryffindor. Her Ravenclaw rationality and sense kicked in and she stayed at the far side of the room, her opportunity slipping by. She looked over at him for the second time but his attentions were elsewhere and she felt a twinge of disappointment when he didn’t come to her.
She cursed herself silently. Everyone knew that they fancied each other. Why couldn’t they realize it? Furthermore, why did it take her so long to recognize it for what it was? It wasn’t love, no, far from it. But Rose fancied herself in like with the guy. Did he even like her? Doubts were filling her and pooling in her gut, making her nauseous. She had to escape, get some cool air - anything. She was close to the balcony doors, and rushed out, the moonlight spilling onto the marble floor and illuminating her pale features. She took in deep gulps, breathing as if it was her first time, the air crisp and sweet on her tongue. The soft light wrapped around her and she felt more at ease with each passing second. She didn’t know how long she stayed there - minutes, hours - but it was long enough for her to know that Scorpius was already gone and she was bombarded with the sensation of regret again. She left the party soon after, heading to her common room with a heavy heart and confused mind.
*****
(Christmas day, 9:15 a.m.)
Scorpius awoke to a harsh light slanting in through the curtains. He covered his eyes with a forearm but sleep was already running away from him. Stretching languidly, he rose from his bed and let his mind drift.
Rose.
The party.
Coward.
He’d wasted his chance for the millionth time and the rotten feeling did nothing to help him. He was utterly pathetic! He’d endured a harsh talk from both Albus and Marianne late last night when he’d slipped away.
”I can’t do this!” He’d shouted at the pair, hoping they could see his dilemma, but he knew he was making a mountain out of an anthill.
“You need to be straightforward with her. Stop bullshitting and do it!” Albus’ voice had taken on a hard edge and Scorpius was unwilling to contradict him. “Just grab her and snog her! That’s the most effective way to let her know. I would know.” He winked suggestively then and Scorpius fought the urge to groan in disgust.
“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard!” He was only making this harder for himself he noted.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” The only female voiced piped in, and both boys looked to her for a slice of wisdom. She continued, their attention focused solely on her words. “Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent manner.” She fell silent after that and everyone found that there was nothing left to say.
Okay he was going to do. Just act. He couldn’t take more of his own skirting around if he could help it. Pulling on a fresh pair of trousers, he selected a pale blue Oxford shirt and then it hit him.
Christmas.
He would be damned if he didn’t do something now. Taking a few minutes to compose himself, he smoothed his shirt and hair and with a few steps, he was walking out the dorm and into the Common Room. The sight before him was almost enough to make him stare for all eternity. Rose sat, curled in an armchair close to the fire, reading a large book. He guessed it to be A Christmas Carol and by the looks of it, she was nearing the end. He tapped her gently on the shoulder and she looked up at him, those brown eyes forever pulling him in that much more. His mouth went dry and he swallowed harshly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He saw her eyes track the movement before she looked at him and smiled.
“Can I talk to you? It’s important.” His heart began the awkward thrum whenever he was in her presence. Control yourself! She gestured to the other armchair near the fire and he took a seat.
Rose’s stomach was fluttering uncontrollably as soon as she turned to find Scorpius standing behind her. The warm weight of his hand on her shoulder sent pleasurable tingles throughout her body and she had to restrain herself from practically jumping him. He looked rather serious, almost like he would throw up at any point, and she began to grow a little nervous by his silence. She hoped whatever he had to say wasn’t life threatening.
One breath, two. He had to say it all. “I realize that lately I’ve been acting quite out of character. I apologize for that, but there’s a reason for it all.”
Oh, really? And what might that be? Rose wanted so much then to ask him, but thought better of it. She knew that any interruption would cost her dearly. He wasn’t the most talkative person after all.
“You see, you’ve always interested me. There’s just something about you ... but I always felt like you were avoiding me. It’s like you had me at arm’s length for so long and it’s only now that you’re beginning to relax around me.”
Rose was shocked at her transparent behaviour and quickly tried to deny it but he held up a hand silencing her. “It’s okay. Al and Marianne didn’t really notice. I’m just good at reading people.” He sent her a lopsided smile and she felt like melting into a puddle right there. The effect he had on her was so profound. How hadn’t she realized it before?
Deciding to try on some of that Gryffindor bravery, she asked - whispered - “And what signals am I sending right now?” She’d said it. There was no turning back now. She’d either be rejected or accepted. Hopefully it was the latter.
Did she just say that? He blinked once, then twice. Did he hear those words right? He opened his mouth to ask but caught her shy expression and red cheeks. He was gobsmacked. “Well,” He began tentatively, “there’s this guy you’ve been thinking about recently. He’d quite handsome and intelligent. You love spending time with him.”
“Hmm hmm.”
“You can’t help but swoon in his presence and you just know your family’s going to love him. Is that about right?” He couldn’t help the grin that formed on his face then, despite his obvious attempts to remain serious.
“You got almost everything right. There’s just one important detail you left out.”
“Are you going to tell me then or leave me to suffer?” She laughed softly, and stood to leave but before she could take a step, his hand enclosed her wrist and pulled her back to the armchair he was resting in. She was now seated in his lap, so very close to his person. The playful atmosphere evaporated almost instantly and she found herself looking into his eyes. They were so painfully aware of the other person and each moment made it more apparent their feelings toward one another. “About this detail,” he pressed, his breath ghosting over her ear, warm and moist.
“This boy you speak of,” she breathed slowly, his slow caress of her arm making her shiver, “he likes the girl too. He’s been trying to hide it but everybody knows. The girl just wishes he’d make a move already.” The last sentence slipped out in her fog of coherency and she would’ve had the decency to look away had he not pressed his lips against hers.
Their mouths against each other’s, she gasped at the contact and he trailed his tongue against her lower lip. She was snogging Scorpius! She wanted to feel like it was wrong but the way she responded to his touch made her forget why she was trying to deny something so right. She hadn’t done anything up until that point and it felt like all her nerve impulses were firing off. He cupped her cheek delicately and she swivelled into a more comfortable position. He kissed her slowly, imprinting the feel of her in his mind, the way she tasted and reacted to his touch. Minutes later, they broke apart, foreheads touching and out of breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He laughed suddenly and Rose was transfixed by the picture he made, content that he was happy.
“I’m glad you finally did it.”
“Rose?” She made a little noise telling him to go on. “Merry Christmas.”
She kissed him again.