(no subject)
Kissing is fatal. Really.
Why did I let myself get caught up in the illusion that maybe things would be different? Things are never different and I don't expect anything yet I expect everything and I know I don't show anything but at times like this I feel like I show everything. I didn't even know if it was a good thing I just knew it was new and exciting and I believed for a second that it might work out and maybe it will, who am I kidding it won't, but I don't want to be someone who never believes in anything but I'm scared to and I HATE being vague in this thing but fuck it.
In other news, it's been tough to grab hold of senior year, slow it down for even a second, which is something I NEVER in a million years thought I'd think/say/feel. A part of my life that was missing all year is showing signs of revival/return which is effing fabulous. I can't seem to find my care about any of the remaining IB tests, but I can easily find my mad regarding D'Orazi and her blatant hatred and general angst aimed at me. I get teary-eyed just thinking about my wind ensemble concert next week, which is really getting to me. I have been on that thing since freshman year. I am NOT ready to be done with wind ensemble. I better get started on writing my letter to Ms. H for the end of the year and I should most definitely start working with Rach to write our speech for the concert. I hope I don't start crying in the middle of it. Fuck.
I don't know why I'm thinking about this now but Crash was a gorgeous movie. Thanks to Cait I made a respectable effort to see it as soon as she told me it was one of the only movies that made her cry. It was so. good. If you haven't seen it get your ass off the computer chair and go rent it.
I reeeeeeally need the city. Like now. I need Perry Street or Wall Street or Park Ave or Hell's Kitchen or a view of the East River. I feel like they're the only things that can stop this weird "I don't know what's going on with myself but I totally do" phase.
School's a no-go tomorrow. Four more days of testing spread unfairly till the 23rd. Not that I plan on studying for any of said tests, but still.
Why did I let myself get caught up in the illusion that maybe things would be different? Things are never different and I don't expect anything yet I expect everything and I know I don't show anything but at times like this I feel like I show everything. I didn't even know if it was a good thing I just knew it was new and exciting and I believed for a second that it might work out and maybe it will, who am I kidding it won't, but I don't want to be someone who never believes in anything but I'm scared to and I HATE being vague in this thing but fuck it.
In other news, it's been tough to grab hold of senior year, slow it down for even a second, which is something I NEVER in a million years thought I'd think/say/feel. A part of my life that was missing all year is showing signs of revival/return which is effing fabulous. I can't seem to find my care about any of the remaining IB tests, but I can easily find my mad regarding D'Orazi and her blatant hatred and general angst aimed at me. I get teary-eyed just thinking about my wind ensemble concert next week, which is really getting to me. I have been on that thing since freshman year. I am NOT ready to be done with wind ensemble. I better get started on writing my letter to Ms. H for the end of the year and I should most definitely start working with Rach to write our speech for the concert. I hope I don't start crying in the middle of it. Fuck.
I don't know why I'm thinking about this now but Crash was a gorgeous movie. Thanks to Cait I made a respectable effort to see it as soon as she told me it was one of the only movies that made her cry. It was so. good. If you haven't seen it get your ass off the computer chair and go rent it.
I reeeeeeally need the city. Like now. I need Perry Street or Wall Street or Park Ave or Hell's Kitchen or a view of the East River. I feel like they're the only things that can stop this weird "I don't know what's going on with myself but I totally do" phase.
School's a no-go tomorrow. Four more days of testing spread unfairly till the 23rd. Not that I plan on studying for any of said tests, but still.