Well well well.. I know I dont update this often enough but here it goes..
So, I believe my last entry was approximately 39 weeks ago or some bullshit.. Yes... I know.. WTF.. Well I would first like to tell you that the river swallowed my phone two days ago and I ordered a new phone online this evening so I should recieve it in 4-5 business days. I was getting off my bfs yaht/boat and boarding onto the dock and it was in my hand on minute the next it was teeter tottering over the dock and kurplunk sunk into the Columbia. With that being said I should also tell you that my number is going to change as well and I have obviously lost all of your numbers that I had saved in my phone. The one time I dont have numbers backed up in my physical address book I lose my phone to the fucking river. So.. please email me your phone numbers at Michelle.Johnson096@gmail.com. Id like to get in touch with most of you as is and I dont have all of your numbers, so email me your numbers so we can keep in touch.
So I have been dating several people: Matthew (not the same matt), Andy, Eric, Jeff, and Emily. I have decided that I dont really connect romantically with Jeff or Emily.. well theres just no chemistry. But I like the others.. well more than like but less than love..Im working at a freight damage distributors stocking shelves currently but was hired to run and head the processing department Im just being cross trained in everything else so I can run the store on my own. I was only considered for the position because my roommate is a frequent shopper and a business associate of the owner and she recomended me because I am a hard working employee etc etc.. well he wanted to meet me and upon our meeting eachother he decided to hire me and have me start working that very day. I did exceptionally well considering I havent been on my feet for long periods of time in a while. He also overheard a conversation I had with a hispanic customer and was very impressed with my fluency in Spanish. So I am excited to be working again. I still volunteer at NAMI but Im not sure how thats going to work out with my new work schedule.. Ill only be able to volunteer 3 days out of the week.
I have learned how to accept my mental illnesses which have been changed to Bi-polar and borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and major depression. I am being treated with medications (which actually seem to be working) and dialectical behavioral therapy and individual therapy. As of right now, I am seemingly doing a lot better than I was lets say a couple of months ago. Im doing much much better in fact. I havent had a dissasociative episode in about a month.. which let me tell you are quite scary because Im like on a fucked up auto pilot... The lights are on but nobodys home kind of thing.. There is no way to really described it other than for example: I fell up and down my stairs... carved shit into my legs.. uh... eat large amounts of food.. have to have to meds taken from me to prevent accidental overdose.... uh...slurred speech.. etc etc... Its scary because I never would have carved anything into my skin with a razor had I not been in one of those episodes.. so I basically have to be babysat when they happen because god onlys knows what I will do..
I have becomme a Nicheren Buddhist in the past months. I decided that I agree with a lot of their views on life and how it works. Its basically all about Karma and enlightening yourself to become a buddha.. We dont pray to a statue or anything like that but instead chant mantras or daimuku and gongyo to the gohonzan which is a scroll encased in a wooden altar kinda sorta and the scroll is simply the chant written in chinese characters.. its hard to explain but it really works for me. I have never been too much of a god believer or whatever.. and I have found something that works for me. Its nice, ya know? If youre ever interested in getting to know more about it or something, email me or something and Ill educate your or invite you to an intro to buddhism meeting that takes place every tuesday night at our community center. Its really relaxing and rejuventating in a sense. I mean after I chant daimuku and gongyo I feel so uplifted and just at ease and peace with the world. And if it does that for me god only knows what it could do for people who dont have my issues.. Anyways.. I just thought Id update you all a little bit and spread the word that I need all your numbers again.. Unfortunately.. Damn the Columbia River.
So I have been dating several people: Matthew (not the same matt), Andy, Eric, Jeff, and Emily. I have decided that I dont really connect romantically with Jeff or Emily.. well theres just no chemistry. But I like the others.. well more than like but less than love..Im working at a freight damage distributors stocking shelves currently but was hired to run and head the processing department Im just being cross trained in everything else so I can run the store on my own. I was only considered for the position because my roommate is a frequent shopper and a business associate of the owner and she recomended me because I am a hard working employee etc etc.. well he wanted to meet me and upon our meeting eachother he decided to hire me and have me start working that very day. I did exceptionally well considering I havent been on my feet for long periods of time in a while. He also overheard a conversation I had with a hispanic customer and was very impressed with my fluency in Spanish. So I am excited to be working again. I still volunteer at NAMI but Im not sure how thats going to work out with my new work schedule.. Ill only be able to volunteer 3 days out of the week.
I have learned how to accept my mental illnesses which have been changed to Bi-polar and borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and major depression. I am being treated with medications (which actually seem to be working) and dialectical behavioral therapy and individual therapy. As of right now, I am seemingly doing a lot better than I was lets say a couple of months ago. Im doing much much better in fact. I havent had a dissasociative episode in about a month.. which let me tell you are quite scary because Im like on a fucked up auto pilot... The lights are on but nobodys home kind of thing.. There is no way to really described it other than for example: I fell up and down my stairs... carved shit into my legs.. uh... eat large amounts of food.. have to have to meds taken from me to prevent accidental overdose.... uh...slurred speech.. etc etc... Its scary because I never would have carved anything into my skin with a razor had I not been in one of those episodes.. so I basically have to be babysat when they happen because god onlys knows what I will do..
I have becomme a Nicheren Buddhist in the past months. I decided that I agree with a lot of their views on life and how it works. Its basically all about Karma and enlightening yourself to become a buddha.. We dont pray to a statue or anything like that but instead chant mantras or daimuku and gongyo to the gohonzan which is a scroll encased in a wooden altar kinda sorta and the scroll is simply the chant written in chinese characters.. its hard to explain but it really works for me. I have never been too much of a god believer or whatever.. and I have found something that works for me. Its nice, ya know? If youre ever interested in getting to know more about it or something, email me or something and Ill educate your or invite you to an intro to buddhism meeting that takes place every tuesday night at our community center. Its really relaxing and rejuventating in a sense. I mean after I chant daimuku and gongyo I feel so uplifted and just at ease and peace with the world. And if it does that for me god only knows what it could do for people who dont have my issues.. Anyways.. I just thought Id update you all a little bit and spread the word that I need all your numbers again.. Unfortunately.. Damn the Columbia River.