I know I've been missing for a while
I have been using my myspace page as my venting tool for a while now, which is why I haven't had a journal entry in several months. I apologize. I will try to make it a point to post my publications on both sites in the future, although I don't have many friends on this particular site.
I like to use this site to post publications that I cannot post on myspace, particularly publications about people who read my myspace.
I don't have the energy to go into alot of detail, so some of what I am about to say will not make perfect sense, but I have to get it off my chest or I'll burst.
I met a guy, (yeah I know what's new). We've been seeing each other for about a month now, and things have been going very well until just this past week. Nay, things are still going very well, but IT finally happened.
What "It"? you ask. I found the one thing wrong with him that I just don't know if I can get over.
The Ex.
yeah. And i'm catching myself doing things I should not be doing. So my best friend and I decided together that I need to take a step back and reassess the situation and put myself in "check", directly where I belong, especially at this stage of dating.
Ok, this isn't even an ex that he was in love with. They didn't date very long. They stayed friends (how sweet). All of the previous I can deal with. Here's what I can't deal with:
1) She's openly not over him
2) They still see one another/talk (as friends) about once a week
3) I can't meet her (allegedly b/c she's not over him)
4) She invited him to dinner at her apartment monday night (with some other friends, supposedly)
5) he's going
6) he knows I'm upset about this
7) he's still going
Thoroughly annoyed is the only way I can adequately describe how I am feeling right now. I have a strong feeling that there will be no other friends at this gathering, mainly b/c I've asked him 2 or 3 times who else was going to be there and he has given me the same answer every time: "I don't know"
Now i've ran this by one or two other people just to make sure I wasn't overreacting. The general concensus is that I am not overreacting and that this is a legitimately upsetting thing.
And yet I am slightly confused b/c as far as I can tell he isn't lieing to me. And we have only been dating a month, it's too soon for any high expectations. this and some other questionable material on his myspace page have lead me to do the dirty thing: snooping.
yes, I swore I wouldn't do it and until now I saw no reason. But I went through his phone this morning while he was in the shower. :( and then I snooped around his apartment after he left for work. :(
Don't worry, I put everything back just as I had found it.
Here's what had me puzzled: I found nothing. Not even a porno. I expected to at least find some sort of pornographic material or a phone number or something, but no, nothing. This has never happened to me before. Never. I always find something.
My gut is either leading me astray or my overactive anti-trust mechanism is picking up on his ex and not on him. I mean to say that perhaps it is her I am so upset with/about.
yeah, I think the main reasons for my nausea with this situation are:
1) I don't trust her. Not an ounce. She's trying to keep her claws in him and I don't like it.
2) he knows how upset I am about this and he's still going?
3) sheer fear
Fear? of him breaking up with me for her. I know he's told me a million times I have nothting to worry about. I know he broke up with her at least 3months ago. I know they didn't date very long at all. I know all his friends say he talks about me all the time. I know his dad and stepmom want to meet me. I know that she is the only thing standing in my way of bliss with this guy and I don't appreciate it. I'm afraid b/c I can cite at least four instances where I was broken up with/divorced for another woman. yes, at least four times, more if you count my ex husband. I'm trying not to count b/c I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not cursed and it's all one big ugly coincidence.
Also, I may have lost my job yesterday.
And so today I'm feeling a little on edge.
But all I can do about this is:
1)step back
2) take a deep breath
3) put it all in perspective
4) realize it's out of my hands
5) go to work
6) go to class
7) get very drunk with my best friend monday night (coincidentally the same night that he is having dinner with his ex)
----dear God I hope she remembers to hide my phone from me----
:) Drop me a line if anyone reads this
I like to use this site to post publications that I cannot post on myspace, particularly publications about people who read my myspace.
I don't have the energy to go into alot of detail, so some of what I am about to say will not make perfect sense, but I have to get it off my chest or I'll burst.
I met a guy, (yeah I know what's new). We've been seeing each other for about a month now, and things have been going very well until just this past week. Nay, things are still going very well, but IT finally happened.
What "It"? you ask. I found the one thing wrong with him that I just don't know if I can get over.
The Ex.
yeah. And i'm catching myself doing things I should not be doing. So my best friend and I decided together that I need to take a step back and reassess the situation and put myself in "check", directly where I belong, especially at this stage of dating.
Ok, this isn't even an ex that he was in love with. They didn't date very long. They stayed friends (how sweet). All of the previous I can deal with. Here's what I can't deal with:
1) She's openly not over him
2) They still see one another/talk (as friends) about once a week
3) I can't meet her (allegedly b/c she's not over him)
4) She invited him to dinner at her apartment monday night (with some other friends, supposedly)
5) he's going
6) he knows I'm upset about this
7) he's still going
Thoroughly annoyed is the only way I can adequately describe how I am feeling right now. I have a strong feeling that there will be no other friends at this gathering, mainly b/c I've asked him 2 or 3 times who else was going to be there and he has given me the same answer every time: "I don't know"
Now i've ran this by one or two other people just to make sure I wasn't overreacting. The general concensus is that I am not overreacting and that this is a legitimately upsetting thing.
And yet I am slightly confused b/c as far as I can tell he isn't lieing to me. And we have only been dating a month, it's too soon for any high expectations. this and some other questionable material on his myspace page have lead me to do the dirty thing: snooping.
yes, I swore I wouldn't do it and until now I saw no reason. But I went through his phone this morning while he was in the shower. :( and then I snooped around his apartment after he left for work. :(
Don't worry, I put everything back just as I had found it.
Here's what had me puzzled: I found nothing. Not even a porno. I expected to at least find some sort of pornographic material or a phone number or something, but no, nothing. This has never happened to me before. Never. I always find something.
My gut is either leading me astray or my overactive anti-trust mechanism is picking up on his ex and not on him. I mean to say that perhaps it is her I am so upset with/about.
yeah, I think the main reasons for my nausea with this situation are:
1) I don't trust her. Not an ounce. She's trying to keep her claws in him and I don't like it.
2) he knows how upset I am about this and he's still going?
3) sheer fear
Fear? of him breaking up with me for her. I know he's told me a million times I have nothting to worry about. I know he broke up with her at least 3months ago. I know they didn't date very long at all. I know all his friends say he talks about me all the time. I know his dad and stepmom want to meet me. I know that she is the only thing standing in my way of bliss with this guy and I don't appreciate it. I'm afraid b/c I can cite at least four instances where I was broken up with/divorced for another woman. yes, at least four times, more if you count my ex husband. I'm trying not to count b/c I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not cursed and it's all one big ugly coincidence.
Also, I may have lost my job yesterday.
And so today I'm feeling a little on edge.
But all I can do about this is:
1)step back
2) take a deep breath
3) put it all in perspective
4) realize it's out of my hands
5) go to work
6) go to class
7) get very drunk with my best friend monday night (coincidentally the same night that he is having dinner with his ex)
----dear God I hope she remembers to hide my phone from me----
:) Drop me a line if anyone reads this