Update

Jul 14, 2006 10:25

He might be leaving today. We discussed it briefly last night, but I never got a straight answer out of him as to whether or not he was. We had another fight last night, obviously since we discussed him leaving.

He was still mad about the argument we had the other night. I brought up a new subject, which was probably the wrong time to do so. "This is the coldest deadest dryest relationship I have ever been in in my life!" He didn't seem too concerned about this. His only solution to this was that he leave, since I did say something about breaking up with him the other day. Maybe he was playing head games and he just wanted to see how serious I was, I don't know.

But, when I tried to talk to him about the present problems, he said the same thing he always says, that I'm crazy and abusive. Crazy b/c I think he would cheat on me (and for believing what Nark said to me) and abusive b/c he caught me checking the phone records and b/c I ask what he did all day while I was at work and b/c I actually confronted him about by suspicions. Now honestly, he has me so befuddled at this point, that I can't decide if those behaviors are abusive or not.

I mean, if they were then it was not intentional. I mean, I can see where making threats or telling him that I'm watching him or something like that could be abusive. But i didn't do anything like that. I snuck around behind his back to check the phone records, I didn't tell him I was doing it and wave it in his face. I asked him how his day was or "what did you do all day?", like making conversation. That's not unreasonable is it? As far as confronting him, I told him simply and quietly what I heard him say to Nark. I didn't say things like "You're caught" or "You lieing son of a bitch". No, that's not how I handle things at all. I never even called him a name. I mean, I really don't see how I'm abusive.
I mean, if you have issues in a relationship, if you have questions about things that look suspicious to you, you should be able to bring it up right?
I mean, would he rather that I just broke up with him than to ask him first?
Does he not want the opportunity to defend himself?
It feels to me like I'm the one being abused here, b/c when I bring up things he tells me that I'm either crazy or abusive or both. He's making me feel like the worst possible thing I can do is talk about something that's bothering me.
I don't know, maybe I am crazy. Maybe you really are just supposed to break up with a person based on suspicion alone? Maybe it's abusive to confront someone...I don't know.

Anyway, he shrugged everything off and kept a smug grin about him throughout the entire discussion. I laid down in the bed just to get away from him and the entire situation. He left me alone. He didn't care. He never fails to let me know he doesn't care. He is causing me to fall out of love with him at record speed. I don't think anyone has ever accomplished that so quickly, not that there are really that many people to compare him to, this is the third guy I've ever actually had feelings for. Not the third guy I"ve ever dated, but the third one I ever had feelings for. He knows that, he doesn't appreciate that, it bothers him, he can't reciprocate.

I want to extend a big THANK YOU to Ashley for letting me cry on her shoulder last night (well in her ear actually b/c we were on the phone). But THANK YOU Ashley for being there and for letting me cry. :)
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