Black Metal
Title: Black Metal
Rating: PG-13 (?)
Pairings: Anthony/Kalel (I guess..?)
Genre/Warnings: Angst, CHARACTER DEATH, Jealousy.
Summary: Anthony has big plans but Ian has some of his own.
Disclaimer: I don't own or pwn anything or anyone!
On a random day, last week, I started crying for no reason. The tears ran down my cheeks like a waterfall. A natural waterfall; nobody knows when it was created and why. There was no reason to be found in my brain. But then I started searching inside my heart. I listened to what my heart had to say, thought about it for a while, and evantually I found my reason deep inside my heart. My father someday told me: "The brain tells you what you want to hear, but the heart makes you feel the truth." He was right. I knew this feeling was wrong. This feeling was bad. This feeling was a curse, put on me by the devil. Or by a very drunk Cupid. Or maybe it was revenge for something I had done in the past. But had I done anything wrong? My heart was someone else's. At least, that was what I tried to make clear to myself. To my heart. But of course my heart had to go and not agree with me. And as much as I tried to convince myself I wasn't supposed to feel this, my heart kept on winning the battle.
I tried to remember the time my feelings were no distraction. The time when I felt what I feel now, but didn't need to show it. The moments we had weren't anything abnormal, but it had the right things for me to create my own storylines. I could play every lovescenario in my head like a movie and that would be enough for me. My imagination was enough to push me over the edge of my needs. That was the time it was just me, him and the house. Just us.
But one day he brought home this girl. She wasn't very tall, quite a bit shorter than him, but tall enough to be kissing him. As always when he'd bring home a girl, a huge flush of jealousy went through my body. A wave of hate-filled blood put a large pressure on my veins. And in the back of my head I was already putting images of her being tortured together into a perfect death scene. Her hair was long and dark. She had highlights and an overly made-up face. Too much powder, I could see her pores from three metres away. Classic, this girl would be gone in no-time, I thought. I'd seen him with a lot of girls like her. But I smiled. I showed a friendly smile and saw his eyes change into shimmering, brown pearls. He'd considered that smile the "approved"-smile.
She came around longer than I'd expected. Usually he would have a few dates, have her over for dinner once, sometimes she'd stay at our house one night, and then it would be over. But they had been together for nearly seven months. And it was killing me. The nights she was here were the worst. They'd sit in front of the television all evening, laughing, loving. I felt like an outsider with those two. I would be in my own room, or the computerroom, editing or watching a movie. Anything to not think about them. Well, her. I'd turn the music up as loud as possible. But when they would go to 'sleep', I had no choice. Music wasn't an option, so I'd lie in my bed with eyes wide open, a pillow against each ear, trying not to hear anything. But the sound of two people in love is something you can't ignore or block out. I was sleepless for weeks.
The days were great. I'd have him for myself. We wouldn't be alone, with the crew and all, but there were no annoying girlfriends to steal him away from me. All day I was allowed to watch him. His handsome face and perfectly sculpted body. Damn, he was a dream come true. Unfortunately, he was only a character of my lifedream. A perfect, flawless character in a wrong fairytale. More of a nightmare. And we had some alone-moments. For instance, lunch. We'd have lunch together. I sat in front of him and the staring wouldn't be noticed. Usually he was still eating when I was already done, that was a perfect excuse for me to watch him even more. My eyes would search for the swallowing motion. I've always wondered how that would look if his head would be between my legs. That were precious moments.
But his girlfriend started to come around more. The alone-moments started to become less. She was around all the time and I just couldn't stand the gazes. The way they looked at each other made me sick. So in love. It was disgusting. I started to make excuses for getting out of the house as much as I could, and he didn't even notice. He didn't care about me anymore.
One night after a long day of shooting, I was sitting on the couch in the livingroom, watching television. My eyes half open, because I hadn't slept in days. And that's when the frontdoor opened and they stepped inside. They looked so happy, happier than ever. I had a bad feeling about it. They sat down on the other couch and I looked at them as if they were two dogs soaked in disgustingness. But when his eyes went my way, I turned my head towards the television. I heard her giggling and it made my hand itch. I wanted to strangle her so badly. He let out a soft cough, to get my attention, and I turned my head slowly to face him, acting as if I was interested in what was on TV. He started rambling about him and her being so in love and I felt my jaw clenching and my stomach hurt. I was about to puke. I was trying so hard to keep my food inside that I didn't hear him at first. He asked if I was okay and I said I was, and if he wanted to repeat what he had said. My stomach had calmed down a little, but it went from bad to worse. My heart stopped and I felt lightheaded, what did he say? Almost throwing up over the table I stood up, his worried eyes calmed me down but as soon as I saw the evil grin on her devil face everything went black. They're buying a house together. I lost my bodystrength and landed flat on the floor.
***
Black metal in my hand. I had overthought this a million times. I gave in to my heart. I knew I'd lose him if I did this. But I had rather lost him to doing this than to her.
They were standing outside. He was in front of the camera, my love. She was behind the cameraman, his love. I looked at him. He deserved someone better than her. He deserved someone that's meant to be with him. He deserved.. Me.. I looked at her again. Why did he fall for someone like that? She was no good to him. All she wanted was the fame! The money! She didn't care! I lifted my arm, pointing at her. He should've seen who I wanted him to be!
I wanted you to love me!!
And I pulled the trigger.
Thanks for reading!! <3
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