(no subject)
I QUIT
i quit him
i quit trying
i quit pretending
i quit boys
i quit the whole damn species!
i hate feeling like i have to put my life on hold because i'm trying to be a better friend. i screwed up once already, and i've been trying to make it up. but i'm through with playing these games.
i'm so f-ing sick of it
i seriously can't last much longer if all i ever do is work around her life and her feelings.
i understand she's confused, and she was going through some rough times. things are so confusing these days for everyone, and middle school relationships are the worst of all.
but i hate feeling like i don't feel this way. i don't want to lie anymore. not to her, and not to everyone else.
doesn't she realize i'm confused too? i've been trying to work it all out in my head without letting anything slip...
i mean... i find so many things wrong with him...so many reasons why not to...we're so different, he's not into the same things as me, i'm too prude for him (but, hey- what else is new?), i never feel like he appreciated me for what my real strengths are...and yet, there he is again, giving me that look...
and i just melt.
i walk past him in the halls, and my stomach drops. i have to catch my breath, i literally stop breathing for a moment.
there are just a few chances each school day to see him, to be with him.
not the case for her. she's got more time with him, she's got more in common with him, she fits in with him so much better than i do.
and i've tried...oh, i've tried. i've tried to say no, to listen to my friends, to give her what she really wants...
but you just can't beat that feeling.
loves+kisses= confusion
emma