Love Stinks
I severely hate Valentines Day. I know I am not alone in my dislike of it. Every year since I started being interested in the romantic notion of love, I have been disappointed wholeheartidly be the events of that day. Even when I HAD a boyfriend, he insisted he "didn't believe" in it, and therefore wouldn't give me so much as a fucking card. He refused to acknowlege it was even a holiday. Little over 3 weeks later we were broken up.
Every year I hear my friends talk about the wonderful sweet things their boyfriends did for them...or even the next to nothing, but at least they attempted stuff. And when they would complain because "all" they got were flowers and a card, I wanted to slap them. "At least you HAVE someone. At least someone CARES and gave you ANYTHING!" In high school, my guy friends sent me candy grams...senior year I had 10 from Saints, more than anyone in my section. It felt good to have a stack of the white candy grams, proof that, I suppose, I knew boys willing to spend 25 cents to sent me a sucker and a little note. I always have had incredible guy friends.
The thing is, if I had someone, I wouldn't expect them to make a big deal out of Valentines day. I wouldn't expect them to think of some elaborate proof of their love for me. I just wish one Valentines Day I would recieve a card, letter, scrap of paper written in fucking CRAYON for all I care, so long as it said "I love you" and didn't mean in a friendship way. Or...I don't know. Anything to indicate that I was worth being more than a friend.
I'm not saying friendships aren't deep and passionate and meaningful...if there is anything I have learned, it's that friendships mean more than there are words enough to express. It's just that for once in my life, I'd like to feel like someone LOVES me.
No one does and no one will.
And I can't think of better reason to hate a day that I will NEVER have a reason to celebrate.
Every year I hear my friends talk about the wonderful sweet things their boyfriends did for them...or even the next to nothing, but at least they attempted stuff. And when they would complain because "all" they got were flowers and a card, I wanted to slap them. "At least you HAVE someone. At least someone CARES and gave you ANYTHING!" In high school, my guy friends sent me candy grams...senior year I had 10 from Saints, more than anyone in my section. It felt good to have a stack of the white candy grams, proof that, I suppose, I knew boys willing to spend 25 cents to sent me a sucker and a little note. I always have had incredible guy friends.
The thing is, if I had someone, I wouldn't expect them to make a big deal out of Valentines day. I wouldn't expect them to think of some elaborate proof of their love for me. I just wish one Valentines Day I would recieve a card, letter, scrap of paper written in fucking CRAYON for all I care, so long as it said "I love you" and didn't mean in a friendship way. Or...I don't know. Anything to indicate that I was worth being more than a friend.
I'm not saying friendships aren't deep and passionate and meaningful...if there is anything I have learned, it's that friendships mean more than there are words enough to express. It's just that for once in my life, I'd like to feel like someone LOVES me.
No one does and no one will.
And I can't think of better reason to hate a day that I will NEVER have a reason to celebrate.