A Dr. Phill moment that may stir the pot a little, but that's what blogs are for, right?
One of my daily reads linked to this blog and I read every post. I then promptly became very agitated with the majority of these women. Color me naive if you will, but most of these women are just as selfish as they rant their husbands to be. Using daily annoyances to justify lying to your husband about the money you steal from him or the stomach ache you fake so that you can stay at home to read while he runs your errands is childish and wrong. Yes, life happened to you! You have a marriage, children, responsibilities, a career and someone with whom to share in these things. I am an exceptionally realistic person; and I do understand that spending the rest of your life with someone takes some compromise, a little give and take (not always on a blissfully balanced scale) and making choices. I stress the "making choices" because as beings blessed with free will, we hold the ability to choose to do what ever the hell we want! It's fantastic, really. That man that has always been a bad kisser in your eyes is your lover because you CHOSE to elect him to that role.
I empathize in your hard work maintaining a functioning household, raising children and baring the stress of sacrifice. I also empathize that your life partner may very well be the laziest, most un-involved jack-ass on the planet. I know a woman who is married to a man who goes to work and plays about ten hours of video games every day. That's it. He pays no attention to her or his child, not to mention any simple household duties. Sure, she could bitch about it on a blog site or cook colon cleansers into his dinner for some sense of self gratification; but she doesn't. She approached him as an equal adult with her concerns and problems; and they are currently pulling their marriage and partnership into an upswing.
Perhaps I'm just a silly girl in love, but I thought (and I'm gonna work this into one, loooong sentence) that being in a partnership was about understanding and selflessness; and NOT about why, "I deserve to be indifferent toward you because I do your laundry and cook your meals while you're at work earning the money to pay for my $250 sunglasses that I told you I only spent $100 on; and it's only fair that I complain that you waste our date money on DVDs to add to your collection that you're always watching instead giving me orgasms for changing the baby's diapers thirty-times more than you do." If I EVER become that jaded, you have my written consent to slip me into one of those cozy jackets with all the straps and buckles and leave me in a room with padded walls and no windows until I remember what a disgustingly perfect life I live.
I work 8-9 hour days and take care of the majority of the household chores (most days through dealing with a chronic illness). Sure, sometimes work runs me down. Sometimes I'll make dinner when I'm not in the mood for cooking. I'll start laundry at 9:00 on a Tuesday night because I didn't come home until after 8:00 and we both need clean jeans for work the next day. And Rhonda? Rhonda wakes me up every morning. Rhonda worries about all of the bills and just tells me when I need to write a check once a month. Rhonda drops whatever she's doing to take care of me when I'm having one of my episodes. Rhonda is usually the first one out of bed on the weekends to make the coffee. Rhonda likes to surprise me with cooking amazing dinners for us. Rhonda checks the mail. Rhonda goes to the dry cleaners. So even though SHE may feel bad about vegging on the couch while I "spring cleaned" the whole house over the weekend, I feel like she deserved to relax.
I am certainly not saying that these women do not deserve validation. Of course they do! But they're never going to receive praise for their hard work if they, themselves are not willing to also give praise to those who contribute to their lives as well. I just wish these wives could appreciate what their partners do to support their lives together; and instead of bitching on on-line forums about what may be unsatisfactory, try talking to their partners. If Rhonda ever feels that I am not doing enough, I trust that she would tell me as her equal instead of taking the initiative to accept additional stress in her life and then complain that I don't pitch in. She and I each have the same goal: to make each other's life easier. Funny how that works out so well...
I empathize in your hard work maintaining a functioning household, raising children and baring the stress of sacrifice. I also empathize that your life partner may very well be the laziest, most un-involved jack-ass on the planet. I know a woman who is married to a man who goes to work and plays about ten hours of video games every day. That's it. He pays no attention to her or his child, not to mention any simple household duties. Sure, she could bitch about it on a blog site or cook colon cleansers into his dinner for some sense of self gratification; but she doesn't. She approached him as an equal adult with her concerns and problems; and they are currently pulling their marriage and partnership into an upswing.
Perhaps I'm just a silly girl in love, but I thought (and I'm gonna work this into one, loooong sentence) that being in a partnership was about understanding and selflessness; and NOT about why, "I deserve to be indifferent toward you because I do your laundry and cook your meals while you're at work earning the money to pay for my $250 sunglasses that I told you I only spent $100 on; and it's only fair that I complain that you waste our date money on DVDs to add to your collection that you're always watching instead giving me orgasms for changing the baby's diapers thirty-times more than you do." If I EVER become that jaded, you have my written consent to slip me into one of those cozy jackets with all the straps and buckles and leave me in a room with padded walls and no windows until I remember what a disgustingly perfect life I live.
I work 8-9 hour days and take care of the majority of the household chores (most days through dealing with a chronic illness). Sure, sometimes work runs me down. Sometimes I'll make dinner when I'm not in the mood for cooking. I'll start laundry at 9:00 on a Tuesday night because I didn't come home until after 8:00 and we both need clean jeans for work the next day. And Rhonda? Rhonda wakes me up every morning. Rhonda worries about all of the bills and just tells me when I need to write a check once a month. Rhonda drops whatever she's doing to take care of me when I'm having one of my episodes. Rhonda is usually the first one out of bed on the weekends to make the coffee. Rhonda likes to surprise me with cooking amazing dinners for us. Rhonda checks the mail. Rhonda goes to the dry cleaners. So even though SHE may feel bad about vegging on the couch while I "spring cleaned" the whole house over the weekend, I feel like she deserved to relax.
I am certainly not saying that these women do not deserve validation. Of course they do! But they're never going to receive praise for their hard work if they, themselves are not willing to also give praise to those who contribute to their lives as well. I just wish these wives could appreciate what their partners do to support their lives together; and instead of bitching on on-line forums about what may be unsatisfactory, try talking to their partners. If Rhonda ever feels that I am not doing enough, I trust that she would tell me as her equal instead of taking the initiative to accept additional stress in her life and then complain that I don't pitch in. She and I each have the same goal: to make each other's life easier. Funny how that works out so well...