I really love the juxtaposition here, seeing what both of them are doing without each other and how the breakup has affected them.
Jack waiting is such a huge thing and it didn't really hit me until he explained it to Margo. Jack had pushed Sawyer away but Sawyer had never given up on him, he'd just waited until Jack was ready to return, so I absolutely love that Jack is now giving him that same chance in return, putting the ball in his court and just waiting, willing to give it as long as it takes. And I think what I really love about that is that Sawyer has taught him this lesson, that Sawyer's taught him something worthwhile about how relationships work. I just wish that Sawyer could see that.
I love how Jack thoughts fall into that vein too, how he wishes that Sawyer could see himself through Jack's eyes. Jack's pretty traditional and uptight, we all know this, but I love that he's able to rationalise Sawyer's past, not in a way that suggests he's in denial but in a way that suggests that he can see how Sawyer's changed. Yes, if he'd known this about Sawyer when he first met him he wouldn't have been surprised and he would have pushed him away. But I think that learning these things now just really reiterates to Jack how much Sawyer's grown.
And I love how he's still staying near by, he's still going to his job, he still cares about living and working there. Margo can say it's unhealthy but I feel proud of Jack for sticking to his guns here. Yes, he's waiting for Sawyer, but he's also still trying to make a go of this new life that he moved across the country for, with or without Sawyer, and that makes me proud of him.
Let's move onto Sawyer, he's just so broken here, and I really don't blame him. He was forced to push away the one thing that ever really mattered to him in a very long time and I can't even imagine how much loss he must be feeling, and how helpless he must feel that he had to do that. Him turning back into his self-destructive old self was sad to see but completely understandable. But I love that moment where his rage shifts to the bear and he decides he doesn't want to kill himself, he wants to kill something else. This might sound like a stupid thing to say but I think that shows a certain growth in him. Yes, he's wanted to kill before, even has, but I think he turns so much of his hate inwards that it's actually kind of nice to see him want to hurt someone else. That sounds wrong but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Sawyer doesn't hurt people unless he has to, he encourages people to hurt him, and I think that he's so hurt here that he's starting to fight back, even if it is metaphorically through some poor bear who's getting caught in the crossfire.
But I love that the bear ate Jack's pizza and that's what gets Sawyer so mad. And I think he also feels guilty because it's his fault the pizza was there anyway because he was being too pissy to eat it. But the memory of that night hurts him and it makes his anger boil.
But then that moment where it kind of dawns on him what he's doing, where he recognises that he just wants to hurt Margo really. But there's growth there again because he recognises that it wouldn't do any good, that it really wouldn't help him at all, and he sets the idea aside.
It breaks my heart that Sawyer's still telling himself, now, after Jack's gone, that Jack doesn't really love him, that he'll just get over it. He doesn't believe that Jack could love the man that Sawyer really is and he never did believe that and until he can get over that fact and realise that he's wrong then there's no way that the two of them can progress.
I was just looking back at this chapter and I can't believe I neglected to thank you for this feedback! It was so wonderful and well-thought-out, as usual. I like what you said about Sawyer and the bear, and I DO see your point -- that he'd really turned his pain and rage inward and the bear made him kind of snap out of that. And yes, realizing that killing the one he really wants to kill -- Margo -- would do more harm than good is progress from the old revenge-seeking, consequences-be-damned Sawyer. He realized that getting revenge in that way would hurt Jack, and the fact that he put Jack before his primal instinct to seek revenge shows that he's grown...because of Jack.
Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I saw you've posted new fic (yay!) and I've bookmarked it, because I'm in a hotel room with my family and I can't read slash until 2007! WHAAAA! But I'll be back home on New Year's day and I know I'll be ringing in the new year by happily catching up on what I missed. ♥
Jack waiting is such a huge thing and it didn't really hit me until he explained it to Margo. Jack had pushed Sawyer away but Sawyer had never given up on him, he'd just waited until Jack was ready to return, so I absolutely love that Jack is now giving him that same chance in return, putting the ball in his court and just waiting, willing to give it as long as it takes. And I think what I really love about that is that Sawyer has taught him this lesson, that Sawyer's taught him something worthwhile about how relationships work. I just wish that Sawyer could see that.
I love how Jack thoughts fall into that vein too, how he wishes that Sawyer could see himself through Jack's eyes. Jack's pretty traditional and uptight, we all know this, but I love that he's able to rationalise Sawyer's past, not in a way that suggests he's in denial but in a way that suggests that he can see how Sawyer's changed. Yes, if he'd known this about Sawyer when he first met him he wouldn't have been surprised and he would have pushed him away. But I think that learning these things now just really reiterates to Jack how much Sawyer's grown.
And I love how he's still staying near by, he's still going to his job, he still cares about living and working there. Margo can say it's unhealthy but I feel proud of Jack for sticking to his guns here. Yes, he's waiting for Sawyer, but he's also still trying to make a go of this new life that he moved across the country for, with or without Sawyer, and that makes me proud of him.
Let's move onto Sawyer, he's just so broken here, and I really don't blame him. He was forced to push away the one thing that ever really mattered to him in a very long time and I can't even imagine how much loss he must be feeling, and how helpless he must feel that he had to do that. Him turning back into his self-destructive old self was sad to see but completely understandable. But I love that moment where his rage shifts to the bear and he decides he doesn't want to kill himself, he wants to kill something else. This might sound like a stupid thing to say but I think that shows a certain growth in him. Yes, he's wanted to kill before, even has, but I think he turns so much of his hate inwards that it's actually kind of nice to see him want to hurt someone else. That sounds wrong but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Sawyer doesn't hurt people unless he has to, he encourages people to hurt him, and I think that he's so hurt here that he's starting to fight back, even if it is metaphorically through some poor bear who's getting caught in the crossfire.
But I love that the bear ate Jack's pizza and that's what gets Sawyer so mad. And I think he also feels guilty because it's his fault the pizza was there anyway because he was being too pissy to eat it. But the memory of that night hurts him and it makes his anger boil.
But then that moment where it kind of dawns on him what he's doing, where he recognises that he just wants to hurt Margo really. But there's growth there again because he recognises that it wouldn't do any good, that it really wouldn't help him at all, and he sets the idea aside.
It breaks my heart that Sawyer's still telling himself, now, after Jack's gone, that Jack doesn't really love him, that he'll just get over it. He doesn't believe that Jack could love the man that Sawyer really is and he never did believe that and until he can get over that fact and realise that he's wrong then there's no way that the two of them can progress.
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I was just looking back at this chapter and I can't believe I neglected to thank you for this feedback! It was so wonderful and well-thought-out, as usual. I like what you said about Sawyer and the bear, and I DO see your point -- that he'd really turned his pain and rage inward and the bear made him kind of snap out of that. And yes, realizing that killing the one he really wants to kill -- Margo -- would do more harm than good is progress from the old revenge-seeking, consequences-be-damned Sawyer. He realized that getting revenge in that way would hurt Jack, and the fact that he put Jack before his primal instinct to seek revenge shows that he's grown...because of Jack.
Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I saw you've posted new fic (yay!) and I've bookmarked it, because I'm in a hotel room with my family and I can't read slash until 2007! WHAAAA! But I'll be back home on New Year's day and I know I'll be ringing in the new year by happily catching up on what I missed. ♥
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