Chapter 2

[alliecat8]

I'm going to forgo headers from now on, because we all know we're here for Jack/Sawyer, it'll be anywhere from PG-13 to NC-17, and no spoilers past S1 because that's when canon and this 'verse parted ways. Since it's NaNo and I'm trying to crank out a couple of thousand words a day, don't hold me to very high editing standards, okay

Comments

[sassafras224]

Oh, my GOD, Allie, this is beautiful. I love the wording; the way you balance all the description with just the right amount of thought and action. The reader is able to "see" what you're writing about, yet they remain engaged in the character enough that it doesn't it doesn't drag out or get boring.

I especially love all the little details that show how much you "get" Jack and Sawyer's characters. Like this part:

"He thinks that Sawyer might believe. He thinks that Sawyer might have his deep personal issues with the Almighty, but he believes He exists. Jack still calls himself an atheist but at times like this he can feel himself waver, just a little."

Also this:

"Sawyer’s parents, he thinks, remembering the terse admission Sawyer had made when he’d asked Sawyer if he had family in Tennessee. Murder. Suicide. And here they are, in an abandoned cemetery, their graves untended. He wonders if Sawyer ever comes here. He suspects that the answer is no.
He wonders if he’d look after his own father’s grave, if he had a grave. He suspects that the answer is yes."

and this:

"Jack doesn’t know if it’s nostalgia or just a need to fix the past that keep Sawyer tied to this house"

and this:

"But Sawyer is stubborn. Sawyer doesn’t let go of things once he’s made up his mind they belong to him."

The characterization implied in those phrases is dead-on. DAMN, you're a great writer!

One thing, though (and keep in mind that I only noticed this because I JUST responded to your post about whether or not Jack always speaks his mind)-- if you decide that Jack DOES always speak his mind, there are a few parts in this chapter that you might want to change. There are several mentions of Jack making mental notes, plus things like not telling Sawyer about his relatives and not admitting that Sawyer is right about Jack's mom's judgment of him. It's nothing overtly contradictory, but the overall tone seems to portray Jack as a quiet intellectual, which might make the always-speaking-his-mind thing a bit incongruous. Just a thought.