far, far away
Things are slowly getting much better.
There are things that happened the last 3 and a half years that I don't understand. Things that I don't appreciate maybe as much as I should. But I recognize them, their existence, maybe some purpose in them. Or at least the experience, and the growth from it.
I've cleansed myself of many things.
I've learned that sometimes we aren't honest with each other.
There are some things Chris doesn't tell me.
But everything he's told me has been the truth. He may have left some things out. Sometimes he exaggerates.
But he always tells me the complete truth. If I ask him, if I want to know something, he understands what I want to know, and he knows me well, and he tells me everything.
The time when we lie to each other to protect each other is over.
We've grown so much. There's so many stories, moments, times and things inside of the conversations and the looks, the stories. The comments, the smells, the emotions. We're on the same side. He scratches my back, I scratch his. We do good things for each other. We look out for each other. We protect each other. We watch each others' back.
That's love. I can tell him anything. and I do. and he does the same to me. When we have a problem, we talk to each other. We work it out. I understand when to not push him. He knows when I need to be left alone. We understand each other.
Sometimes, there's the unexpected. The surprising comment, or glance, or experience. Things come up that we don't expect. We handle in our own way. With style, grace, passion, humor, indignation, fashion, love, righteousness.
For two atheists, I think we're some of the best damn people you'll ever meet.
Maybe they don't understand. Our moments of sadness, depression, frustration, lost emotion - they are moments of our own genetic flaws, weaknesses - they are challenges, but they spawn great and beautiful art and passion, and stories - adventures. I don't like people to read my blog because I have problems. My personal blog on blogger can be nasty, and sad, and horrible. I say terrible things. But it is my frustration, my venting, my issues. These are not concrete, valid emotions that I would act on (hopefully).
They are challenges. And she understand that, because she doesn't understand me, or him. She doesn't understand that she was fundamentally opposed to his freedom - as a human - and that caused problems. Nobody should be in a cage. She hurt him. He has physical scars from the broken bottles, the knives, the fist fights, the outrageous misunderstandings.
The saddest part is that she was really cool, at first. She became something unbearable for him. If you don't have depression - if you don't suffer from uncaused and illogical bouts of emotional trauma - then you can't understand it. But those emotions - that experience - that gives you a depth in understanding, in empathy - in experience - that just lacks in some people.
I'm not excusing anything. I'm not writing anyone off. Things change. People go on vacation, move, get jobs elsewhere, and sometimes things just happen. And we learn. We accept the boundaries that exist and then we create new ones.
We love. And we live. sometimes we love together, or live somewhere else. But these things are in constant motion until we know no more. That moment - we know all things. we become the reason - the point - the pinnacle, when you get right down to it.
your love. my love. our love.
our lives go on. our experiences grow.
we shrink. we envelope all.
i'm rambling.
There are things that happened the last 3 and a half years that I don't understand. Things that I don't appreciate maybe as much as I should. But I recognize them, their existence, maybe some purpose in them. Or at least the experience, and the growth from it.
I've cleansed myself of many things.
I've learned that sometimes we aren't honest with each other.
There are some things Chris doesn't tell me.
But everything he's told me has been the truth. He may have left some things out. Sometimes he exaggerates.
But he always tells me the complete truth. If I ask him, if I want to know something, he understands what I want to know, and he knows me well, and he tells me everything.
The time when we lie to each other to protect each other is over.
We've grown so much. There's so many stories, moments, times and things inside of the conversations and the looks, the stories. The comments, the smells, the emotions. We're on the same side. He scratches my back, I scratch his. We do good things for each other. We look out for each other. We protect each other. We watch each others' back.
That's love. I can tell him anything. and I do. and he does the same to me. When we have a problem, we talk to each other. We work it out. I understand when to not push him. He knows when I need to be left alone. We understand each other.
Sometimes, there's the unexpected. The surprising comment, or glance, or experience. Things come up that we don't expect. We handle in our own way. With style, grace, passion, humor, indignation, fashion, love, righteousness.
For two atheists, I think we're some of the best damn people you'll ever meet.
Maybe they don't understand. Our moments of sadness, depression, frustration, lost emotion - they are moments of our own genetic flaws, weaknesses - they are challenges, but they spawn great and beautiful art and passion, and stories - adventures. I don't like people to read my blog because I have problems. My personal blog on blogger can be nasty, and sad, and horrible. I say terrible things. But it is my frustration, my venting, my issues. These are not concrete, valid emotions that I would act on (hopefully).
They are challenges. And she understand that, because she doesn't understand me, or him. She doesn't understand that she was fundamentally opposed to his freedom - as a human - and that caused problems. Nobody should be in a cage. She hurt him. He has physical scars from the broken bottles, the knives, the fist fights, the outrageous misunderstandings.
The saddest part is that she was really cool, at first. She became something unbearable for him. If you don't have depression - if you don't suffer from uncaused and illogical bouts of emotional trauma - then you can't understand it. But those emotions - that experience - that gives you a depth in understanding, in empathy - in experience - that just lacks in some people.
I'm not excusing anything. I'm not writing anyone off. Things change. People go on vacation, move, get jobs elsewhere, and sometimes things just happen. And we learn. We accept the boundaries that exist and then we create new ones.
We love. And we live. sometimes we love together, or live somewhere else. But these things are in constant motion until we know no more. That moment - we know all things. we become the reason - the point - the pinnacle, when you get right down to it.
your love. my love. our love.
our lives go on. our experiences grow.
we shrink. we envelope all.
i'm rambling.