accidental

[smokincrs]

I ran my car off the road, I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but it did.  one minute I was on the road, heading home, the next I was slamming into a fence and support columns.  thank God no one was there, in the way, or near me when it happened.  I just got home from the hospital and I too am fine, battered and brusied, very sore, but fine.  the car is a mess.  I think I blacked out, but how can anyone be sure?  they ran all kinds of tests and my only thought is that if I did indeed faint/black out that its my fault.  maybe i'm so unhealthy my body quit for a second, exhausted trying to push my big butt around.  it puts a real damper on the whole - 'yea, I'm doing well on my diet and losing weight' thing, and makes me think that i could've killed someone else because I am unhealthy.  because I am overweight, have health issues, allow myself to let stress build and build, take on everything I can.  how could i have been so stupid?  it was luck, pure and simple, that kept other people out of my way, that kept me from getting myself killed, from killing someone else.

all i can think about is what a horrible person I am and how, if I had just done what was good for me in the first place, none of this would have happened.  I'm the worst kind of person, officially.