(no subject)
Do you ever realize that certain things upset you not because of what happens right then but because of an old memory that it triggers? Somone can say something and it bothers you to no end becasue of an old memory of somehting realted to that. or someone can do somehitng that makes you cringe because of somehting that has happened before? That is how I feel. So many times when people say somehtingn that I get really upset about- like everything wiht carissa- it wasn't just her; it was the memories that what she said brought back. The pain that was brought back and thrown in my face. And certain things that people do when we are jsut fooling around all of a sudden bring back such not good memories. It is so hard to deal with that. If it were only the poeple now I could get over it but these things in my head will not leave me alone. Maybe it is becasue everytime they surface I push them back again. Maybe all of the memories are jsut wainitng to spill out. Maybe I need to talk about it and get them out in the open. But to talk about it I have to come to terms with it myslef and I am having a hard time with that. I keep telling myself that I am just making it into a bigger deal than it really is...that nothing really happened but....maybe that is the problem?