Maybe
Maybe... I hate that word, the word that means either you're thinking too much on a subject, or it's about an event that will never happen. That fucking word has been all I was about for the last few days. It's total insanity. There are just too many suppositions in the world to worry about everything. Maybe I die tomorrow; Maybe she takes me back; Maybe I find a new romance, a new job, or even an apartment. It's all just a question, a worthless, pointless, and oftentimes impotent way of controlling one's destiny. I mean, If you spend all your time thinking about the possibilities, then you miss all of your opportunities. I don't want to be like that, I NEVER want to be like that. I mean who the fuck do I think I am, worrying about all of the frivolous, stupid little shits that are going on, or MAY go on if left unchecked. I was so worried that something would happen to fuck up my chances of getting back with her, that I was oblivious to the fact that I was supposed to be working on becoming more assertive. I did all of this to be a better man for her, to be what she's looking for in a man.
Maybe we shouldn't have moved in together so soon in the relationship, maybe I should have said "no" when she asked me to cover her rent; all of these things I spent so long thinking about, and none of them changed a single thing. If we did not move in together, we might have had a different outcome, we might have had enough time away from each other that i wouldn't have settled, wouldn't have dropped any sense of assertiveness and we'd be farther along in the relationship by now. All of these stupid questions don't change a single bit of the truth, which is that none of those choices were made, and we both suffer because of it. Because we lived together, we became each other's "crutch," and that is probably what drove me to consider the breakup. If given the chance to, I'd be willing to start dating her again, but under the condition that we'd live separately (mainly so that I can have a chance to miss her [even though I already do] and we'd be able to grow together, but separately, that way our lives flourish.) but I doubt that I'd get that chance.
Maybe we shouldn't have moved in together so soon in the relationship, maybe I should have said "no" when she asked me to cover her rent; all of these things I spent so long thinking about, and none of them changed a single thing. If we did not move in together, we might have had a different outcome, we might have had enough time away from each other that i wouldn't have settled, wouldn't have dropped any sense of assertiveness and we'd be farther along in the relationship by now. All of these stupid questions don't change a single bit of the truth, which is that none of those choices were made, and we both suffer because of it. Because we lived together, we became each other's "crutch," and that is probably what drove me to consider the breakup. If given the chance to, I'd be willing to start dating her again, but under the condition that we'd live separately (mainly so that I can have a chance to miss her [even though I already do] and we'd be able to grow together, but separately, that way our lives flourish.) but I doubt that I'd get that chance.