the wise man has no regrets. please grant me wisdom.
synopsis:
josh applies at gas station at suggestion of a previous co-worker/semi-friend
josh works at gas station for one day, stocks drinks in coolers for 6 hours straight
josh fucking hates it, it reminds him of working at Roses and Winn-Dixie
josh realizes he has to quit because he can't stand it and as a result he frets like a motherfucker over it because he's just weird like that and always hates it when he has to quit; he feels bad, feels like an asshole, etc, etc
josh continues to fret about it until he calls in and quits about five minutes ago
josh feels even more like an idiot because the manager seems to care so little
summation:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I guess I should have known the manager didn't care, but even under his voice I could hear that it irritated him. It's so strange, I don't normally back down from confrontation, most times it doesn't really bother me. However, when it comes to jobs I always feel like such shit when I have to call in sick, or ask for days off, or if I get fed up enough to call in and quit. I know most people don't have any problem at all just dropping a job if they don't like it, they quit and don't look back, but I just feel so fucking bad about it. It makes me feel really irresponsible and like a complete asshole. I know I would have hated working there; the atmosphere in that place was depressing. Cigarette smoke-laden, greasy, dirty. I know that now that I've quit I'll be happier in the long run, so "what the fuck is the problem?" you may be thinking. Honestly I don't really know, I have these strange values that are instilled in me, and maybe they're not even values but they're something, some kind of feeling that just lets me know what I think is right and wrong, what it means to be decent to someone. *sigh*
Ok, I'm going to stop bitching about that and psuedo-bitch about something else.
Now that I've quit this job that means that my unemployment will be over. I'm sure that when I call in and file and say that I turned down work then they will take me off the system. I still have $164 coming to me in the mail so that's good. I also have a lot of money saved up but I don't want to cut into my savings if at all possible. This means that now I really really have to get a job, I don't have the luxury or safety-net of unemployment anymore. On the bright side I have more motivation now. I've been reminded what happens when I compromise and work at a job I don't like. Now I have so much more determination to get a job that I will enjoy. I know that all jobs are somewhat irritating and I don't expect to find the "magical job" where everything is perfect or whatever, just something that I enjoy more. I think the real issue is that I need a job where I actually use my mental faculties and interact with people. I hate doing mindless labor. So many of my friends are ok with that, I'm not, I never have been. It makes me feel like a fucking monkey and I hate that. I need something that will stimulate me mentally, even if it's only just to talk to people, just to say "here's your product/ticket/gerbil/what-the-fuck-ever, have a nice day." I can't just run errands and lift boxes, it makes me feel so fucking insignificant. The best jobs I've had were where the management would tell me every now and then "good job" or whatever, just to let me know that my work was appreciated, that I was important somehow. I guess that's what I like to feel, that I'm really accomplishing something, not just stuffing a liter-size Dr. Pepper into a fucking drink cooler so some fat redneck can have some fishing fuel while he's out on the lake with a bunch of the other assholes. Call me cynical if you want to.
So there ya go, there's my bitch session/rant/what-the-fuck-ever.
Today I go to turn in some applications, specifically to bug management at the theater to give me a job. I intend to talk to the manager and impart to him my strong desire to work there, to prove to him that I'm not just another application in a huge stack of applications. In my limited experience I've learned that sometimes that can be the determining factor that gets you a job. *crosses fingers*
If I don't get a job soon I'm fucked.
josh applies at gas station at suggestion of a previous co-worker/semi-friend
josh works at gas station for one day, stocks drinks in coolers for 6 hours straight
josh fucking hates it, it reminds him of working at Roses and Winn-Dixie
josh realizes he has to quit because he can't stand it and as a result he frets like a motherfucker over it because he's just weird like that and always hates it when he has to quit; he feels bad, feels like an asshole, etc, etc
josh continues to fret about it until he calls in and quits about five minutes ago
josh feels even more like an idiot because the manager seems to care so little
summation:
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I guess I should have known the manager didn't care, but even under his voice I could hear that it irritated him. It's so strange, I don't normally back down from confrontation, most times it doesn't really bother me. However, when it comes to jobs I always feel like such shit when I have to call in sick, or ask for days off, or if I get fed up enough to call in and quit. I know most people don't have any problem at all just dropping a job if they don't like it, they quit and don't look back, but I just feel so fucking bad about it. It makes me feel really irresponsible and like a complete asshole. I know I would have hated working there; the atmosphere in that place was depressing. Cigarette smoke-laden, greasy, dirty. I know that now that I've quit I'll be happier in the long run, so "what the fuck is the problem?" you may be thinking. Honestly I don't really know, I have these strange values that are instilled in me, and maybe they're not even values but they're something, some kind of feeling that just lets me know what I think is right and wrong, what it means to be decent to someone. *sigh*
Ok, I'm going to stop bitching about that and psuedo-bitch about something else.
Now that I've quit this job that means that my unemployment will be over. I'm sure that when I call in and file and say that I turned down work then they will take me off the system. I still have $164 coming to me in the mail so that's good. I also have a lot of money saved up but I don't want to cut into my savings if at all possible. This means that now I really really have to get a job, I don't have the luxury or safety-net of unemployment anymore. On the bright side I have more motivation now. I've been reminded what happens when I compromise and work at a job I don't like. Now I have so much more determination to get a job that I will enjoy. I know that all jobs are somewhat irritating and I don't expect to find the "magical job" where everything is perfect or whatever, just something that I enjoy more. I think the real issue is that I need a job where I actually use my mental faculties and interact with people. I hate doing mindless labor. So many of my friends are ok with that, I'm not, I never have been. It makes me feel like a fucking monkey and I hate that. I need something that will stimulate me mentally, even if it's only just to talk to people, just to say "here's your product/ticket/gerbil/what-the-fuck-ever, have a nice day." I can't just run errands and lift boxes, it makes me feel so fucking insignificant. The best jobs I've had were where the management would tell me every now and then "good job" or whatever, just to let me know that my work was appreciated, that I was important somehow. I guess that's what I like to feel, that I'm really accomplishing something, not just stuffing a liter-size Dr. Pepper into a fucking drink cooler so some fat redneck can have some fishing fuel while he's out on the lake with a bunch of the other assholes. Call me cynical if you want to.
So there ya go, there's my bitch session/rant/what-the-fuck-ever.
Today I go to turn in some applications, specifically to bug management at the theater to give me a job. I intend to talk to the manager and impart to him my strong desire to work there, to prove to him that I'm not just another application in a huge stack of applications. In my limited experience I've learned that sometimes that can be the determining factor that gets you a job. *crosses fingers*
If I don't get a job soon I'm fucked.