Dammit, LJ; Fiction
Damn these popups! DAMN THEM. SUP has approximately five seconds to apologize before I flounce. Disproving what I just said, have some original fiction I wrote for creative writing class. All of my unreliable narrators end up satirical, don't they? The assignment was just to have an unreliable narrator. 700 words, PG-13.
I know everyone blames me for what happened to Ricky Watson, but when you know the story from the beginning, you'll see I didn't have much choice. Ricky was a bad guy, one of those sneaky people who creeps up the ladder through lies and slander. If he'd stayed with the company, I probably would have been fired, and I just got promoted. So it was me or Ricky. And see my da always told me, "You've got to look out for yourself, you've got to have a plan and look to the future." When I got this job, he said, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" That's his favorite thing, thinking about ten years from now. And he was so happy he was basically crying. He said, "Bonnie, hon, it's a world of people trying to cut you down, and you've got to look out for Number One." And okay, I love my da. Why would I let him down?
Getting rid of Ricky was way easier than it should have been, considering his whole blackmail scheme. The guy was a total creep, a weasel, and I think we're all glad he's gone. I mean, he'd probably have followed up on his report about Samuel with one about how I sometimes take an extra sugar packet. He'd know about that, of course. He was basically stalking me. It's the kind of thing he'd do.
So here's what I have to say to Ricky Watson: Even if I was sleeping with the boss (Which I wasn't! I just believe in giving my best effort and staying at work late.) what's so wrong with that? It's lonely at the top, and Samuel is at the top. I'm a good employee. I like for my boss to be happy. That doesn't mean it's why I got the promotion. Maybe I got the promotion because I was working so much overtime after hours. Ever think of that, Ricky?
Ricky wasn't the greatest janitor, anyway, so I don't see why it's such a big deal that he got fired. Good janitors are supposed to be invisible except to equal opportunity employment officers. They're kind of like children in that way. That is, they shouldn't be heard, and should only be seen when it's convenient. Ricky could be heard all the time, with that noisy electric floor cleaner, and I saw him constantly, which was always inconvenient because he was stalking me. And he smoked. As you know, we're trying to phase out smokers, because their healthcare is expensive and their cravings make them inefficient jerks half the day.
So I kind of did HR a favor there.
Anyway, if Ricky hadn't spent all day following me and obsessing over me, he wouldn't have been near my office when I spilled that yogurt, so he wouldn't have been the one who had to clean it up, and then he wouldn't have had to stay after hours to clean the rest of the building's floors with his electric floor cleaner. And if he hadn't been there after hours, or had at least kept his noisy floor cleaner turned on at all times, he wouldn't have walked in on Samuel and me having a serious executive meeting. And if he hadn't walked in on us, he wouldn't have seen me naked, and I wouldn't have had to file a sexual harassment claim against him.
Of course I have Samuel's full support in the claim. It's not that he wants Ricky gone for any particular reason. It's just that he knows Ricky saw me naked, and I explained to him that Ricky was following me and was completely obsessed with me, and he agreed that we could not have someone like that in the workplace.
Do you see what I mean? Ricky Watson was dangerous. I'm glad I got him fired, because even if he'd decided to leave me alone, I'm sure he would have started chasing some poor secretary, like I was before I got promoted. And that would have caused a rift in the workplace, unrest and confusion, and if there's one thing I'm dedicated to, it's the workplace. I am a good employee. I know I am, because there's nothing I won't do for this company or this job.
Goodbye, Ricky Watson.
I know everyone blames me for what happened to Ricky Watson, but when you know the story from the beginning, you'll see I didn't have much choice. Ricky was a bad guy, one of those sneaky people who creeps up the ladder through lies and slander. If he'd stayed with the company, I probably would have been fired, and I just got promoted. So it was me or Ricky. And see my da always told me, "You've got to look out for yourself, you've got to have a plan and look to the future." When I got this job, he said, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" That's his favorite thing, thinking about ten years from now. And he was so happy he was basically crying. He said, "Bonnie, hon, it's a world of people trying to cut you down, and you've got to look out for Number One." And okay, I love my da. Why would I let him down?
Getting rid of Ricky was way easier than it should have been, considering his whole blackmail scheme. The guy was a total creep, a weasel, and I think we're all glad he's gone. I mean, he'd probably have followed up on his report about Samuel with one about how I sometimes take an extra sugar packet. He'd know about that, of course. He was basically stalking me. It's the kind of thing he'd do.
So here's what I have to say to Ricky Watson: Even if I was sleeping with the boss (Which I wasn't! I just believe in giving my best effort and staying at work late.) what's so wrong with that? It's lonely at the top, and Samuel is at the top. I'm a good employee. I like for my boss to be happy. That doesn't mean it's why I got the promotion. Maybe I got the promotion because I was working so much overtime after hours. Ever think of that, Ricky?
Ricky wasn't the greatest janitor, anyway, so I don't see why it's such a big deal that he got fired. Good janitors are supposed to be invisible except to equal opportunity employment officers. They're kind of like children in that way. That is, they shouldn't be heard, and should only be seen when it's convenient. Ricky could be heard all the time, with that noisy electric floor cleaner, and I saw him constantly, which was always inconvenient because he was stalking me. And he smoked. As you know, we're trying to phase out smokers, because their healthcare is expensive and their cravings make them inefficient jerks half the day.
So I kind of did HR a favor there.
Anyway, if Ricky hadn't spent all day following me and obsessing over me, he wouldn't have been near my office when I spilled that yogurt, so he wouldn't have been the one who had to clean it up, and then he wouldn't have had to stay after hours to clean the rest of the building's floors with his electric floor cleaner. And if he hadn't been there after hours, or had at least kept his noisy floor cleaner turned on at all times, he wouldn't have walked in on Samuel and me having a serious executive meeting. And if he hadn't walked in on us, he wouldn't have seen me naked, and I wouldn't have had to file a sexual harassment claim against him.
Of course I have Samuel's full support in the claim. It's not that he wants Ricky gone for any particular reason. It's just that he knows Ricky saw me naked, and I explained to him that Ricky was following me and was completely obsessed with me, and he agreed that we could not have someone like that in the workplace.
Do you see what I mean? Ricky Watson was dangerous. I'm glad I got him fired, because even if he'd decided to leave me alone, I'm sure he would have started chasing some poor secretary, like I was before I got promoted. And that would have caused a rift in the workplace, unrest and confusion, and if there's one thing I'm dedicated to, it's the workplace. I am a good employee. I know I am, because there's nothing I won't do for this company or this job.
Goodbye, Ricky Watson.