Round and Round...
I’m getting tired again. I suppose feeling alive was nice while it lasted. I’m slipping down there again. Down where I just give up. Whatever happens happens…Not caring about anything or anyone. Well not that you don’t care…you just don’t let yourself..
your Just breathing. Going through the motions of life…and it all turns into this haze. You don’t feel anything at all. Your just there. When I was like this before..I honesty liked it…you get some where and don’t even remember driving there…your entire being is on auto-pilot.
All this year I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Up and down…down and up…and every day I have been fighting. For my life. Fighting for my friendships…fighting for my family relationships….fighting for my sanity. And I’m tired.
It takes so much energy to care. So much energy to make any kind of relationships work. I’m just tired….whatever happens happens…I’m tired of caring. You miss understand something I said and hate me? Oh well..I don’t have the energy to defend myself anymore.
I feel like I’m walking in circles….every time I think I’m getting somewhere I look up and see that same damn tree I saw yesterday….
Its so werid how things you thought you forgot just pop up in your head and wont go away…I hate that. Here are two random things that I have heard in my head over and over for the last two days…They are from convos I had a while back with two different people.
Convo 1:
Me: That’s how life is….same shit different day.
Them: Well…not really…I’ve never met anyone like you, nor do I think I ever will. Know that I'm always with you..and I know your here with me. We take breath as one. Fuck everyone but you...you've been there through thick and thin..I'll never forget that.
Convo 2:
Me: I love you and that scares the shit out of me.
Them: Why? Because your scared you’ll never met me?
Me: No, I know I’ll met you…one day…I’m scared I won’t wake up beside you every day.
Two different people. Two different convos…and those two quotes sound in my head over and over and over. And I hate it. Hate it!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to go back to the days..were I take Tylenol pms by the handfuls and just sleep..all night and all day…and when I am awake…blast the stereo and stare into space.
Edit: I bought a new dollar journal. Whats wrong with me? I have stacks of journals..and I'll fill about half the journal and buy a brand new one..and start writing in that one. Wonder why that is? and what significant meaning it has...
your Just breathing. Going through the motions of life…and it all turns into this haze. You don’t feel anything at all. Your just there. When I was like this before..I honesty liked it…you get some where and don’t even remember driving there…your entire being is on auto-pilot.
All this year I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Up and down…down and up…and every day I have been fighting. For my life. Fighting for my friendships…fighting for my family relationships….fighting for my sanity. And I’m tired.
It takes so much energy to care. So much energy to make any kind of relationships work. I’m just tired….whatever happens happens…I’m tired of caring. You miss understand something I said and hate me? Oh well..I don’t have the energy to defend myself anymore.
I feel like I’m walking in circles….every time I think I’m getting somewhere I look up and see that same damn tree I saw yesterday….
Its so werid how things you thought you forgot just pop up in your head and wont go away…I hate that. Here are two random things that I have heard in my head over and over for the last two days…They are from convos I had a while back with two different people.
Convo 1:
Me: That’s how life is….same shit different day.
Them: Well…not really…I’ve never met anyone like you, nor do I think I ever will. Know that I'm always with you..and I know your here with me. We take breath as one. Fuck everyone but you...you've been there through thick and thin..I'll never forget that.
Convo 2:
Me: I love you and that scares the shit out of me.
Them: Why? Because your scared you’ll never met me?
Me: No, I know I’ll met you…one day…I’m scared I won’t wake up beside you every day.
Two different people. Two different convos…and those two quotes sound in my head over and over and over. And I hate it. Hate it!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to go back to the days..were I take Tylenol pms by the handfuls and just sleep..all night and all day…and when I am awake…blast the stereo and stare into space.
Edit: I bought a new dollar journal. Whats wrong with me? I have stacks of journals..and I'll fill about half the journal and buy a brand new one..and start writing in that one. Wonder why that is? and what significant meaning it has...