no more.
I don't want to be an adult anymore.
I have been financially independent since I was 17. I could have continued studying like everyone my age but there I was earning Money. The more hours you put in, the bigger the number in your bank account. It was a good feeling. All those shades of blue, red, green and purples. Those colours gave a good feeling. I was also never that book-smart. I was never much of an academic person. Well, I suppose it's 40% psychological, 40% determination and 20% intelligence. So that's 20% + 10% + 10% for me, respectively. That's not even a C. I've failed even before picking up a textbook.
But the real reason I don't want to be an adult, is really because I don't want to be responsible for my actions anymore. I want to point fingers. I want to push the blame and be free to do whatever I want. I want my parents to give me a steady four figure monthly allowance. I don't want to pay for my bills anymore. I want to stay out late as long as I can and not receive a single phone call after 11pm. I want to be able to date anyone I like. I want to live up to the expectations of anybody. I don't want to reply emails and create proposals. I don't want to be obligated to do anything that might require a follow up. I dont want to be obligated, period.
So right now I sound like a brat. But you see I'm not a brat. I can't even qualify to be a brat. I never ask for anything from my parents because I feel guilty and because I know I might eventually need to re-pay them back in some form or another. My parents don't buy me gifts. Not even on my birthday. But I have a roof over my head, clean water supply and a bed to sleep on. I suppose I'm privileged in that sense. I have basic necessities I don't have to fight for. Okay correction. I still feel like I need to earn it somehow. Because apparently coming home late more than three times a week constitutes myself as treating the home like a hotel.
So I wish I was spoilt. I wish I was a brat.
Because I don't want to be an adult anymore.
I have been financially independent since I was 17. I could have continued studying like everyone my age but there I was earning Money. The more hours you put in, the bigger the number in your bank account. It was a good feeling. All those shades of blue, red, green and purples. Those colours gave a good feeling. I was also never that book-smart. I was never much of an academic person. Well, I suppose it's 40% psychological, 40% determination and 20% intelligence. So that's 20% + 10% + 10% for me, respectively. That's not even a C. I've failed even before picking up a textbook.
But the real reason I don't want to be an adult, is really because I don't want to be responsible for my actions anymore. I want to point fingers. I want to push the blame and be free to do whatever I want. I want my parents to give me a steady four figure monthly allowance. I don't want to pay for my bills anymore. I want to stay out late as long as I can and not receive a single phone call after 11pm. I want to be able to date anyone I like. I want to live up to the expectations of anybody. I don't want to reply emails and create proposals. I don't want to be obligated to do anything that might require a follow up. I dont want to be obligated, period.
So right now I sound like a brat. But you see I'm not a brat. I can't even qualify to be a brat. I never ask for anything from my parents because I feel guilty and because I know I might eventually need to re-pay them back in some form or another. My parents don't buy me gifts. Not even on my birthday. But I have a roof over my head, clean water supply and a bed to sleep on. I suppose I'm privileged in that sense. I have basic necessities I don't have to fight for. Okay correction. I still feel like I need to earn it somehow. Because apparently coming home late more than three times a week constitutes myself as treating the home like a hotel.
So I wish I was spoilt. I wish I was a brat.
Because I don't want to be an adult anymore.