see why and i see
I am actually not prepared for India.
While we were all watching that magical box in the living room, i asked my mother if I was going to molested there. She replied, "Yes." Her equivocal tone was not the least bit comforting.
I started immeadiately thinking of what undergarments i should wear. Would it make a difference if i wore a normal bra with two sportsbras over it? The normal bra for proper support and the extra sportbras as a makeshift armour against that nation's wandering hands. but the prospect of braving against violaters of my mammaries did not seem to coincide well with the sweltering heat that I'm going to have endure there.
Sigh.
Sweat vs. Violation.
What a dilemma.
Oh and there's that other factor on my daily nicotin dosage. I dont want another KL scene to happen, whereby I'm cranky like fuck, snapping at anyone who crossed my path. Currently, I do not see myself following the path towards life with cleaner lungs. i seem to have swerved in the opposite direction.
Another dilemma.
And another thing. What the heck am i going to wear. Ok aside from the redha, (this tudung like thing that covers most of my upper body but allows a small portion of hair to be visible above my forehead), that I'm going to wear to look decent while at my dad's relatives place, I have no idea what to wear in all the other parts of India. I heard Kashmir is going to be cold. Should i bring that gaudy coat that i absolutely adore? Or should i invest in a good ol' trenchcoat and inspire to be like those gorgeous people on The Satorialist?
Ohhhh Dilemmaaaa. (sing this like "My Sharona")
On a completely different note, I would like to tell you that I long for your embrace because there is no warmth like yours. I am selfish because i get pleasure from your happiness. This is why I like making you smile. There is a warmth that starts from the core of my heart that spreads all over my body when i see the corners of your mouth stretched out, upturned. This makes me selfish because I am doing things for my own benefit. These narcissitic indulgences that involve you happen to invoke an intrinsic form of gaiety. this is why i have consigned myself to you, to make you smile and to make you happy. i am happy because you are happy and to make you happy makes me happy. for my own selfish benefit. this is the paradox of love. a miserly commitment between two individuals.
i never denied i was a romantic cynic. i baulk at convention." Its the cliches that cause the trouble", so said Ms Winterson.