To Seduce A Winchester [dean/castiel, sam/ruby][s/a]
Title: To Seduce A Winchester
Pairing/Character(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/Ruby
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Castiel comes to Ruby for advice on the seduction of Dean Winchester.
Warning: Crack. This doesn't not fit with Supernatural's plot at ALL.
Beta: N/A
Word Count: 1,384
A/N: If you want a reason why, I can't supply one.
“How did you win Sam over?”
Ruby looks at Castiel and leans back, raising her eyebrows. “Excuse me?” she says, eyeing him up and down.
“Sam Winchester. What was your course of action to win his trust and affection?”
“You’re not trying to snatch him up, now are you?” Ruby doesn’t really bother to hold her tongue around Castiel anymore because she’s learned that while he is smart, he takes a bit to catch onto her sarcasm, or doesn’t at all. She’s not so intimidated by him anymore. She knows he’s powerful, but she also knows he’ll never smite her. Smiting her means pissing Sam off which leaves him with an angry Dean, and Castiel knows better than to end up with an angry Dean.
“This has nothing to do with Sam.”
Ruby narrows her eyes this time, confused. “Well, human men really like kissing. Kissing and sex. And with Sam, I was really soft, really gentle. His edges were too rough. Metaphorically.”
“Sam’s personality is still particularly sharp. You didn’t do a very good job.”
Ruby glares at Castiel. “You should have seen him with his brother burning in Hell. Then you’d see how soft he’s become.”
Castiel ignores the sharpness in her voice and frowns, seeming to consider her words. “I believe you,” he finally says, nodding slowly. “Do you think all Winchesters would react accordingly?”
Ruby blinks and suddenly catches on. “You want to seduce Dean,” she says with a short laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. “Good God, you…you’re into Dean. There aren’t words in the human language…”
Castiel looks at her, and by his expression, he’s a little irritated. “Answer the question,” he says in a low voice and Ruby lets out another bark of laughter.
“No,” she says, and Castiel looks crestfallen almost immediately. “For Dean, you’d need a much different tactic. Dean likes booze, breasts, and well…all the things you angels consider blasphemy. If you aren’t close to falling yet, trying to get Dean to notice you is really going to land you in human lockdown. I would pay to see it.”
Castiel shows obvious contemplation, biting his lip and looking at the floor. “I’ll take what you’ve said into account. Thank you.”
Castiel is gone and Ruby blinks. Being thanked by an angel is odd.
-
When Ruby overhears Dean and Sam she realizes that Castiel was truly serious.
“What the hell is up with Cas?” Dean snaps and Ruby pauses outside the hotel door, deciding to eavesdrop. “He’s been…well…” Ruby listens as Dean pauses and she rolls her eyes. He sucks at this so much.
“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam says and Ruby smirks because he sounds slightly annoyed. “Sounds to me like he’s just catching onto your personality. Just being more human. Isn’t that a good thing?” Ruby can hear the roll of Sam’s eyes in his voice. “Popping up in bars and shit…God, that’s annoying.”
“He’s not supposed to act human,” Dean plows on, ignoring Sam’s obvious lack of interest. “Remember? He’s an angel.”
Not wanting to hear more about Castiel’s inability to seduce anything, Ruby opens the door.
Sam looks up and she almost laughs out loud at the relief on Sam’s face.
-
“Your advice isn’t helping.”
Ruby jumps and it takes her a second to blink away her demon eyes. Demons don’t sleep, but they do rest. She had been on alert, sure - but she hadn’t expected an angel to just appear in the hotel room.
“How the hell did you even find me?” she growls, grabbing her jacket from next to the bed and tugging it on. Castiel frowns at her but doesn’t answer the question, still standing over the bed as Ruby swings her legs over the side, running her fingers quickly through her hair. “What do you want from me? Of course my advice isn’t helping. You don’t know what to do with it.”
Castiel licks his lips, frowning harder. “What should I do? You’re the only…the only being I can ask about these kinds of things. I would ask Sam, but…I don’t think he really would be happy to help me.”
“I’m not exactly ‘happy to help you’ either,” Ruby mutters sarcastically but she knows Castiel pays her no attention. “Okay, fine. What exactly do you want from him?”
Castiel seems to be thinking and he finally takes a deep breath and sighs. “I want him to notice me.”
Ruby blinks, and angels always manage to take her by surprise. “He has noticed you, dumbo. I heard him talking to Sam about you just a couple of days ago - whatever you’re doing, it’s weirding him out. You being subtle or really obnoxious?”
Castiel gives Ruby a weak and wounded glare. “I may not be as used to Earth as you are, or other angels are, but I do understand the basic concepts of human interaction.” Castiel pushes his hands into his pockets. “Are you going to help me or not?” he says through gritted teeth and Ruby raises an eyebrow. “Because if not, I’ll just leave.”
Ruby blinks and laughs sharply. “Okay. Fine. I’ll - I guess I’ll help you seduce Dean Winchester.”
Weirdest thing Ruby’s ever said.
-
Ruby’s pretty proud once she’s finished. Castiel holds himself confidently and she convinced him to ditch the trench coat (‘It’s Jimmy’s…it would be unfair for me to…’ ‘Shut the hell up, you can put it back on later, Jesus,’) and put on some chapstick. Ruby has to admit that she’s done some really good luck, and Castiel almost (almost) looks fuckable.
“Not my type,” she says as she slips the chapstick back into her jacket pocket. “But that’s exactly why you’ll work with Dean.”
Castiel fidgets. “I don’t like this. I’m uncomfortable.”
Ruby rolls her eyes. “Are you four? Get over yourself.”
She looks him over and then claps him on the shoulder quickly. “Get going, stud. Remember what I told you.”
Castiel nods for a good fifteen seconds and Ruby has to raise both eyebrows at him before he realizes he’s still sitting in front of her. “Oh. I’m sorry. Good-bye.” He disappears and leaves Ruby with a smile on her mouth.
She decides to treat herself to a drink and hope that she’s managed a success.
-
“There you are.”
Ruby jumps. “Sam?” She turns around in the barstool and frowns at Sam, standing in front of her and looking exhausted. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong,” he growls, but as she waits for him to elaborate he just sits down and has the bartender get him a shot. He drinks it down and orders another and Ruby stares.
“Sam…?”
“Cas is what’s wrong,” Sam says darkly and Ruby bites down on her bottom lip, closing her eyes. “And the hotel isn’t safe anymore.”
“Oh.” She can’t really grace him with any other response because she’s not sure whether she laugh or - well, cry. It worked. Whatever Cas did, it worked. That’s the only thing that could have happened.
“I can’t believe my brother’s sleeping with an angel. With another angel.” Sam grimaces and Ruby pats him on the shoulder. “And how’d Cas do it? He was so awkward a couple of days ago and then he just…it’s like he put on an entirely new face. And Dean liked it.” Sam shudders and Ruby blanches. Dean’s attractive, sure, but she does not want to think about the things he and Castiel are doing right now. She calls for another shot and Sam gets a third for himself.
“I may have…” Ruby begins after she downs her drink, “given him some pointers.”
Sam doesn’t show a response for a minute and then looks at Ruby, visibly shocked. “You bitch,” he hisses and Ruby shrugs. “Giving Cas tips so he could sleep with my brother. Jesus Christ.”
“I doubt Jesus has a thing to do with this,” Ruby mutters, elbows on the counter. “I say, deal with it. He deals with us, you can deal with him.”
Sam gives Ruby a sideways glance and smiles. He holds out his glass and Ruby lifts hers, clicking them together. “Here’s to never having to share a room with Dean ever again.”
“Here’s to the angel coming to me for Winchester seduction tips.”
Ruby thinks it could be worse.
Pairing/Character(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/Ruby
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Castiel comes to Ruby for advice on the seduction of Dean Winchester.
Warning: Crack. This doesn't not fit with Supernatural's plot at ALL.
Beta: N/A
Word Count: 1,384
A/N: If you want a reason why, I can't supply one.
“How did you win Sam over?”
Ruby looks at Castiel and leans back, raising her eyebrows. “Excuse me?” she says, eyeing him up and down.
“Sam Winchester. What was your course of action to win his trust and affection?”
“You’re not trying to snatch him up, now are you?” Ruby doesn’t really bother to hold her tongue around Castiel anymore because she’s learned that while he is smart, he takes a bit to catch onto her sarcasm, or doesn’t at all. She’s not so intimidated by him anymore. She knows he’s powerful, but she also knows he’ll never smite her. Smiting her means pissing Sam off which leaves him with an angry Dean, and Castiel knows better than to end up with an angry Dean.
“This has nothing to do with Sam.”
Ruby narrows her eyes this time, confused. “Well, human men really like kissing. Kissing and sex. And with Sam, I was really soft, really gentle. His edges were too rough. Metaphorically.”
“Sam’s personality is still particularly sharp. You didn’t do a very good job.”
Ruby glares at Castiel. “You should have seen him with his brother burning in Hell. Then you’d see how soft he’s become.”
Castiel ignores the sharpness in her voice and frowns, seeming to consider her words. “I believe you,” he finally says, nodding slowly. “Do you think all Winchesters would react accordingly?”
Ruby blinks and suddenly catches on. “You want to seduce Dean,” she says with a short laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. “Good God, you…you’re into Dean. There aren’t words in the human language…”
Castiel looks at her, and by his expression, he’s a little irritated. “Answer the question,” he says in a low voice and Ruby lets out another bark of laughter.
“No,” she says, and Castiel looks crestfallen almost immediately. “For Dean, you’d need a much different tactic. Dean likes booze, breasts, and well…all the things you angels consider blasphemy. If you aren’t close to falling yet, trying to get Dean to notice you is really going to land you in human lockdown. I would pay to see it.”
Castiel shows obvious contemplation, biting his lip and looking at the floor. “I’ll take what you’ve said into account. Thank you.”
Castiel is gone and Ruby blinks. Being thanked by an angel is odd.
-
When Ruby overhears Dean and Sam she realizes that Castiel was truly serious.
“What the hell is up with Cas?” Dean snaps and Ruby pauses outside the hotel door, deciding to eavesdrop. “He’s been…well…” Ruby listens as Dean pauses and she rolls her eyes. He sucks at this so much.
“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam says and Ruby smirks because he sounds slightly annoyed. “Sounds to me like he’s just catching onto your personality. Just being more human. Isn’t that a good thing?” Ruby can hear the roll of Sam’s eyes in his voice. “Popping up in bars and shit…God, that’s annoying.”
“He’s not supposed to act human,” Dean plows on, ignoring Sam’s obvious lack of interest. “Remember? He’s an angel.”
Not wanting to hear more about Castiel’s inability to seduce anything, Ruby opens the door.
Sam looks up and she almost laughs out loud at the relief on Sam’s face.
-
“Your advice isn’t helping.”
Ruby jumps and it takes her a second to blink away her demon eyes. Demons don’t sleep, but they do rest. She had been on alert, sure - but she hadn’t expected an angel to just appear in the hotel room.
“How the hell did you even find me?” she growls, grabbing her jacket from next to the bed and tugging it on. Castiel frowns at her but doesn’t answer the question, still standing over the bed as Ruby swings her legs over the side, running her fingers quickly through her hair. “What do you want from me? Of course my advice isn’t helping. You don’t know what to do with it.”
Castiel licks his lips, frowning harder. “What should I do? You’re the only…the only being I can ask about these kinds of things. I would ask Sam, but…I don’t think he really would be happy to help me.”
“I’m not exactly ‘happy to help you’ either,” Ruby mutters sarcastically but she knows Castiel pays her no attention. “Okay, fine. What exactly do you want from him?”
Castiel seems to be thinking and he finally takes a deep breath and sighs. “I want him to notice me.”
Ruby blinks, and angels always manage to take her by surprise. “He has noticed you, dumbo. I heard him talking to Sam about you just a couple of days ago - whatever you’re doing, it’s weirding him out. You being subtle or really obnoxious?”
Castiel gives Ruby a weak and wounded glare. “I may not be as used to Earth as you are, or other angels are, but I do understand the basic concepts of human interaction.” Castiel pushes his hands into his pockets. “Are you going to help me or not?” he says through gritted teeth and Ruby raises an eyebrow. “Because if not, I’ll just leave.”
Ruby blinks and laughs sharply. “Okay. Fine. I’ll - I guess I’ll help you seduce Dean Winchester.”
Weirdest thing Ruby’s ever said.
-
Ruby’s pretty proud once she’s finished. Castiel holds himself confidently and she convinced him to ditch the trench coat (‘It’s Jimmy’s…it would be unfair for me to…’ ‘Shut the hell up, you can put it back on later, Jesus,’) and put on some chapstick. Ruby has to admit that she’s done some really good luck, and Castiel almost (almost) looks fuckable.
“Not my type,” she says as she slips the chapstick back into her jacket pocket. “But that’s exactly why you’ll work with Dean.”
Castiel fidgets. “I don’t like this. I’m uncomfortable.”
Ruby rolls her eyes. “Are you four? Get over yourself.”
She looks him over and then claps him on the shoulder quickly. “Get going, stud. Remember what I told you.”
Castiel nods for a good fifteen seconds and Ruby has to raise both eyebrows at him before he realizes he’s still sitting in front of her. “Oh. I’m sorry. Good-bye.” He disappears and leaves Ruby with a smile on her mouth.
She decides to treat herself to a drink and hope that she’s managed a success.
-
“There you are.”
Ruby jumps. “Sam?” She turns around in the barstool and frowns at Sam, standing in front of her and looking exhausted. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong,” he growls, but as she waits for him to elaborate he just sits down and has the bartender get him a shot. He drinks it down and orders another and Ruby stares.
“Sam…?”
“Cas is what’s wrong,” Sam says darkly and Ruby bites down on her bottom lip, closing her eyes. “And the hotel isn’t safe anymore.”
“Oh.” She can’t really grace him with any other response because she’s not sure whether she laugh or - well, cry. It worked. Whatever Cas did, it worked. That’s the only thing that could have happened.
“I can’t believe my brother’s sleeping with an angel. With another angel.” Sam grimaces and Ruby pats him on the shoulder. “And how’d Cas do it? He was so awkward a couple of days ago and then he just…it’s like he put on an entirely new face. And Dean liked it.” Sam shudders and Ruby blanches. Dean’s attractive, sure, but she does not want to think about the things he and Castiel are doing right now. She calls for another shot and Sam gets a third for himself.
“I may have…” Ruby begins after she downs her drink, “given him some pointers.”
Sam doesn’t show a response for a minute and then looks at Ruby, visibly shocked. “You bitch,” he hisses and Ruby shrugs. “Giving Cas tips so he could sleep with my brother. Jesus Christ.”
“I doubt Jesus has a thing to do with this,” Ruby mutters, elbows on the counter. “I say, deal with it. He deals with us, you can deal with him.”
Sam gives Ruby a sideways glance and smiles. He holds out his glass and Ruby lifts hers, clicking them together. “Here’s to never having to share a room with Dean ever again.”
“Here’s to the angel coming to me for Winchester seduction tips.”
Ruby thinks it could be worse.