(no subject)
i hope you are all familiar with the song by Paul Kelly called "Dumb things" if not i'm sure you can download it from somewhere...
but in the meantime BEHOLD! as i present one of my
This was one attempt of mine to win over a girl....
I am writing to apply for the vacant position of boyfriend with your company. I have long been an admirer of the way that you have conducted business in the past and would be delighted to join your organisation.
I include a detailed discussion of my suitability for the role, written against a typical statement of duties for such a position. I realise that yours is an extraordinary firm and there may be articles not covered here that are specific to the role, but without such intimate knowledge of your operations I am unable to do more than just present my suitability as is. I am available for further discussion and interviews should the need arise, but I feel that this document should cover the majority of situations.
Successful applicants should meet the following criteria:-
·Provide an active source of entertainment, with a knowledge of, and interest in, various fields and activities
I have had experience in many fields, both as an employee and as a volunteer or enthusiast. I am well versed in subjects such as sport, literature, film, popular music and popular culture with a special interest in girl-bands, classic rock and Australian hits of the eighties.
I have worked as a copywriter, busker, actor, character waiter, bartender, croupier, computer technician, teacher, event coordinator, event organiser, film producer, director, writer, and as a consequence I have a great deal of experience and anecdotes to fill any empty spot in a conversation. I am also an experienced listener, negotiator and peacemaker.
·Have the ability to present oneself well in social situations, including knowing the niceties of etiquette, and the ability to shine in pressure situations
In the past I have been well dressed enough to attempt to crash the Lord Mayor’s New Years Eve celebration. Typically, I am comfortable in formal social situations, and can often be found bringing as much class as possible to less formal situations (such as sporting social functions), by my presence and carefully considered choice of tuxedo.
I am usually the one found attempting to defuse potential problems with a quip, a smile and a round of drinks, or by removing one of the antagonists from the situation with a quick trip to the bar or outside for a smoke or private word. I am always mindful of the situation and the levels of manners required.
·Have an active interest in the day-to-day dealings of the company
I have followed the fortunes of (insert her name here) Inc. closely for a number of years, and have made all appropriate efforts to promote and support the efforts and actions of your company. I feel that if given an opportunity to officially take a role with (insert her name here) Inc. that I would continue this support in a much more constructive and positive fashion, especially since I would have my own stake in the company.
·Have the company’s best interest at heart
I have always made sure that I have done right by (insert her name here) Inc. in the past, by offering advice as an independent advisor to the CEO and associates when required, though not necessarily sought. I believe that my association with (insert her name here) Inc. will benefit both parties on a number of different levels and that both parties can continue and build on the good relations that have existed in the past.
I have been known to go above and beyond the call of duty to further the interests of the company in previous similar roles, including but not limited to; the forging of new alliances and cooperatives, repairing previously damaged relations and the negotiation of dissolutions in the case of those associations being detrimental to the well-being of the company.
·Be prepared to work overtime without bonuses, at short or no notice
My dedication to my employer has not been an issue in past positions, and my willingness to cooperate and go the extra mile has always marked my commitment.
·Have the ability to mix with others in various situations demanded by the nature of the role
It has been said that I am adaptable and I believe that my ability to find common ground with people is the key to my being able to get along in a wide variety of situations.
·Be independently funded
My daily employment as an Information Technology technician provides me with an independent income that will prevent the consumption of company resources. Likewise, I am well positioned in contacts and sources of support, so that there will be no major drain on resources required. Naturally, any resources made available to me will be gratefully accepted and put to the best use possible.
·Be of an even temperament
Although I consider my sometimes fiery and passionate nature a tremendous asset, I am also capable of a great deal of temperance and patience, as evidenced by my dealings with obstructive sporting associations, recalcitrant or headstrong directors and my long standing relationship with that most abominable of zodiac signs, an Aries.
·Maintain a sense of humour in the face of adversity
Brightening someone’s day is an easy way to brighten one’s own, and frequently I can bring laughs to the longest of faces, usually by cutting through the heart of the misery and depression and by revealing the funny side of things. The fact that I have persisted with my own appalling cricketing career is surely supporting of my ability to laugh in the face of adversity. Should this fail to be enough to convince you of my strength of humour, perhaps the retellings of my inventive solution to street violence will tip the balance in my favour.
·Provide a shoulder to lean on in times of trouble
There have been times and people who have worn furrows in my broad shoulders and I believe that this only means that other people’s troubles only fit more neatly into the grooves and then can be washed away with laughter, reason or alcohol. I have been always willing to lend a hand, or other limb to help someone else through troubles or hard times, and my experience with such a task is certainly on a par with anyone else’s.
·Provide an objective view, while maintaining compassion and support for the company
While my primary concern will be the welfare of (insert her name here) Inc., I also believe that there are times when the truth must be told and faced up to. My support continues unabated, but my duty to serve the company as best I can remains foremost in my ethic, and occasionally a spade needs be called one.
·Organise events to benefit the company
With a proven track record as an event organiser / coordinator, it would not be difficult to continue to function in the company in this fashion. Certainly, with something as important to me as (insert her name here) Inc., it would be a pleasure and I would continue to find ways to raise the bar as often as I could.
·Be able to operate without supervision and maintain independence
While understanding the importance of (insert her name here) Inc., I also understand that there are other long term personnel, including those that founded this fine company, who also will require attention from time to time. In such a case I understand that my welfare or opinion may not be the sole priority of the company.
·Be prepared for and adaptable to changes in policy
The advantage of being a Gemini is that I am adaptable, and I have always found a way to land on my feet, rather than flat on my face when forced to deal with sudden, or unforseen (or both) change. Changes are a part of life and essential to well-being and growth, and I have experienced change first-hand and believe that I am well prepared to deal with and assist (insert her name here) Inc. in dealing with any changes that may occur.
·Be understanding, supportive and adventurous in sensitive, discreet and private matters
I have in the past been all of the above in similar positions and have always been considerate of then needs and desires of others. I am also good at following instruction and am capable of consistent and sustained effort whenever the opportunity arises.
·Demonstrate loyalty
It is difficult to demonstrate this without turning over ancient history, perhaps this is something that (insert her name here) Inc. will have to take on faith. Suffice to say that there has been no issue with this in the past.
·Conduct and maintain open and honest communications
I try to communicate at every opportunity and go to great lengths to make the effort, especially in the case when it is an effort to communicate, as I feel that those are the times when it is most needed. I have occasionally been honest to the detriment of my own interests, however, honesty is a commodity to be treasured, as it is all too rare.
·Have the ability to prioritise and meet expected levels of service and commitment to the organisation
In my current role as a Desktop Support coordinator it is my job to ascertain the most important and crucial jobs and ensure that they are seen to first, all the while ensuring that the other lower priority jobs are also seen to in a timely fashion.
I believe that this experience, combined with experience gained from similar roles, and working in team environments will help me to ensure that there is time for all things, while keeping in perspective what is important and unique.
·Take responsibility and clean up the organisation’s excesses where required
There have been a number of times when I have been required to tend directly to the welfare of previous employers either through accidental sickness or self-inflicted, and my patience and compassion, and sense of duty and love for the company in question make the job as much a pleasure as a task.
I realise that (insert her name here) Inc. does not seem to be currently interviewing for this position, but felt that I had to apply in any case, as it is all too rare that one finds an opening with such a vibrant and exciting company. Such positions are usually impossible to come by, as very few people will voluntarily leave such an amazing opportunity and I am sure that they regret their actions as soon as they do. Rest assured that i am passionate about joining such an outfit as yours, and I look forward seizing this opportunity should it come my way.
In conclusion, I believe that I am well suited to this role and have demonstrated most, if not all, of the desirable traits in our previous dealings, and it is these previous dealings that indicate to me that I could, and should well aspire to be part of the most electrifying force around.
Please find attached some recommendations and character references which you may find of use.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me on xxxx-xxx-xxx, or at xxxx@xxxxxx.com
Hoping to hear from you soon,
Sincerely,
-
but in the meantime BEHOLD! as i present one of my
This was one attempt of mine to win over a girl....
I am writing to apply for the vacant position of boyfriend with your company. I have long been an admirer of the way that you have conducted business in the past and would be delighted to join your organisation.
I include a detailed discussion of my suitability for the role, written against a typical statement of duties for such a position. I realise that yours is an extraordinary firm and there may be articles not covered here that are specific to the role, but without such intimate knowledge of your operations I am unable to do more than just present my suitability as is. I am available for further discussion and interviews should the need arise, but I feel that this document should cover the majority of situations.
Successful applicants should meet the following criteria:-
·Provide an active source of entertainment, with a knowledge of, and interest in, various fields and activities
I have had experience in many fields, both as an employee and as a volunteer or enthusiast. I am well versed in subjects such as sport, literature, film, popular music and popular culture with a special interest in girl-bands, classic rock and Australian hits of the eighties.
I have worked as a copywriter, busker, actor, character waiter, bartender, croupier, computer technician, teacher, event coordinator, event organiser, film producer, director, writer, and as a consequence I have a great deal of experience and anecdotes to fill any empty spot in a conversation. I am also an experienced listener, negotiator and peacemaker.
·Have the ability to present oneself well in social situations, including knowing the niceties of etiquette, and the ability to shine in pressure situations
In the past I have been well dressed enough to attempt to crash the Lord Mayor’s New Years Eve celebration. Typically, I am comfortable in formal social situations, and can often be found bringing as much class as possible to less formal situations (such as sporting social functions), by my presence and carefully considered choice of tuxedo.
I am usually the one found attempting to defuse potential problems with a quip, a smile and a round of drinks, or by removing one of the antagonists from the situation with a quick trip to the bar or outside for a smoke or private word. I am always mindful of the situation and the levels of manners required.
·Have an active interest in the day-to-day dealings of the company
I have followed the fortunes of (insert her name here) Inc. closely for a number of years, and have made all appropriate efforts to promote and support the efforts and actions of your company. I feel that if given an opportunity to officially take a role with (insert her name here) Inc. that I would continue this support in a much more constructive and positive fashion, especially since I would have my own stake in the company.
·Have the company’s best interest at heart
I have always made sure that I have done right by (insert her name here) Inc. in the past, by offering advice as an independent advisor to the CEO and associates when required, though not necessarily sought. I believe that my association with (insert her name here) Inc. will benefit both parties on a number of different levels and that both parties can continue and build on the good relations that have existed in the past.
I have been known to go above and beyond the call of duty to further the interests of the company in previous similar roles, including but not limited to; the forging of new alliances and cooperatives, repairing previously damaged relations and the negotiation of dissolutions in the case of those associations being detrimental to the well-being of the company.
·Be prepared to work overtime without bonuses, at short or no notice
My dedication to my employer has not been an issue in past positions, and my willingness to cooperate and go the extra mile has always marked my commitment.
·Have the ability to mix with others in various situations demanded by the nature of the role
It has been said that I am adaptable and I believe that my ability to find common ground with people is the key to my being able to get along in a wide variety of situations.
·Be independently funded
My daily employment as an Information Technology technician provides me with an independent income that will prevent the consumption of company resources. Likewise, I am well positioned in contacts and sources of support, so that there will be no major drain on resources required. Naturally, any resources made available to me will be gratefully accepted and put to the best use possible.
·Be of an even temperament
Although I consider my sometimes fiery and passionate nature a tremendous asset, I am also capable of a great deal of temperance and patience, as evidenced by my dealings with obstructive sporting associations, recalcitrant or headstrong directors and my long standing relationship with that most abominable of zodiac signs, an Aries.
·Maintain a sense of humour in the face of adversity
Brightening someone’s day is an easy way to brighten one’s own, and frequently I can bring laughs to the longest of faces, usually by cutting through the heart of the misery and depression and by revealing the funny side of things. The fact that I have persisted with my own appalling cricketing career is surely supporting of my ability to laugh in the face of adversity. Should this fail to be enough to convince you of my strength of humour, perhaps the retellings of my inventive solution to street violence will tip the balance in my favour.
·Provide a shoulder to lean on in times of trouble
There have been times and people who have worn furrows in my broad shoulders and I believe that this only means that other people’s troubles only fit more neatly into the grooves and then can be washed away with laughter, reason or alcohol. I have been always willing to lend a hand, or other limb to help someone else through troubles or hard times, and my experience with such a task is certainly on a par with anyone else’s.
·Provide an objective view, while maintaining compassion and support for the company
While my primary concern will be the welfare of (insert her name here) Inc., I also believe that there are times when the truth must be told and faced up to. My support continues unabated, but my duty to serve the company as best I can remains foremost in my ethic, and occasionally a spade needs be called one.
·Organise events to benefit the company
With a proven track record as an event organiser / coordinator, it would not be difficult to continue to function in the company in this fashion. Certainly, with something as important to me as (insert her name here) Inc., it would be a pleasure and I would continue to find ways to raise the bar as often as I could.
·Be able to operate without supervision and maintain independence
While understanding the importance of (insert her name here) Inc., I also understand that there are other long term personnel, including those that founded this fine company, who also will require attention from time to time. In such a case I understand that my welfare or opinion may not be the sole priority of the company.
·Be prepared for and adaptable to changes in policy
The advantage of being a Gemini is that I am adaptable, and I have always found a way to land on my feet, rather than flat on my face when forced to deal with sudden, or unforseen (or both) change. Changes are a part of life and essential to well-being and growth, and I have experienced change first-hand and believe that I am well prepared to deal with and assist (insert her name here) Inc. in dealing with any changes that may occur.
·Be understanding, supportive and adventurous in sensitive, discreet and private matters
I have in the past been all of the above in similar positions and have always been considerate of then needs and desires of others. I am also good at following instruction and am capable of consistent and sustained effort whenever the opportunity arises.
·Demonstrate loyalty
It is difficult to demonstrate this without turning over ancient history, perhaps this is something that (insert her name here) Inc. will have to take on faith. Suffice to say that there has been no issue with this in the past.
·Conduct and maintain open and honest communications
I try to communicate at every opportunity and go to great lengths to make the effort, especially in the case when it is an effort to communicate, as I feel that those are the times when it is most needed. I have occasionally been honest to the detriment of my own interests, however, honesty is a commodity to be treasured, as it is all too rare.
·Have the ability to prioritise and meet expected levels of service and commitment to the organisation
In my current role as a Desktop Support coordinator it is my job to ascertain the most important and crucial jobs and ensure that they are seen to first, all the while ensuring that the other lower priority jobs are also seen to in a timely fashion.
I believe that this experience, combined with experience gained from similar roles, and working in team environments will help me to ensure that there is time for all things, while keeping in perspective what is important and unique.
·Take responsibility and clean up the organisation’s excesses where required
There have been a number of times when I have been required to tend directly to the welfare of previous employers either through accidental sickness or self-inflicted, and my patience and compassion, and sense of duty and love for the company in question make the job as much a pleasure as a task.
I realise that (insert her name here) Inc. does not seem to be currently interviewing for this position, but felt that I had to apply in any case, as it is all too rare that one finds an opening with such a vibrant and exciting company. Such positions are usually impossible to come by, as very few people will voluntarily leave such an amazing opportunity and I am sure that they regret their actions as soon as they do. Rest assured that i am passionate about joining such an outfit as yours, and I look forward seizing this opportunity should it come my way.
In conclusion, I believe that I am well suited to this role and have demonstrated most, if not all, of the desirable traits in our previous dealings, and it is these previous dealings that indicate to me that I could, and should well aspire to be part of the most electrifying force around.
Please find attached some recommendations and character references which you may find of use.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me on xxxx-xxx-xxx, or at xxxx@xxxxxx.com
Hoping to hear from you soon,
Sincerely,
-