October 10 - SmokeDamage strikes fear into the criminal community
Reviews -
"a legendary re-telling!!" - tims
"You seem to be pretty relaxed about being mugged - maybe it is that DnD courage rising within you." - Snappy Tom
"perhaps dont walk through those areas again???? sheesh Al.......you have loads of interesting times dont you????" -Cam
"Good onya Al" - Tash
"Mate, that is unbelievable.... Have you ever heard of the word RUN!" - AJ
"You know who you are? Your BATMAN!" - Blink / sim_kizz
"Giggle a lot. Oh well done Al, well done. Most perfect. I couldn't have done better myself (well I couldn't have to start with)." - pollyanna_n
"rofl.. you are brilliant!!" - fayr
"You certainly know how to get into and get out of trouble" - evilmegsy
Alpha strikes fear into the criminal community.
And Lo as God decreed Sunday was a day of rest - unable to play cricket, as i was going to the wedding of Loki and Stace. I attended this fine event held at the Taronga Park zoo with it's breathtaking views of the harbour.
After the ceremony we availed ourselves of the fine food and liquor of the Poulos/Hatch celebration. It was with full bellies, winesoaked, and light hearts (not to mention heads) that we left the wildlands and sounds of the zoo at night and returned to the concrete jungle that is Sydney.
Facing the prospect of drinking further with my now unemployed sidekick Pike 5tephe, and other disreputable drunkards like evilmegsy, combined with fatigue from chasing cricket balls as a sub fielder for "The Custers", and the lurching of the taxi, i could no longer stand it, and left the cab near St Vincents Hospital.
Taking a moment to take a breather, and acquaint myself with my surroundings i discovered that i was not far from Oxford Street at all, and a short walk would see me on the home stretch.
Boldly strides ALPHA into the darkness, not knowing that the creatures of the night move against him.
Sadly it was not a creature of the night, but a baseball capped, oversized shirt and shorts wearing, white trash homie junkie 'yo mutherfucka' rent boy, who accosted the ALPHA with the eloquent "Hey you, don't fucking ignore me." Well that was the first thing i heard, he may well have been speaking to me beforehand, but i sure didn't hear him.
With such definite instructions i was left with no choice but to ignore him as i continued towards the bright lights and excitement of Oxford Street.
Hearing the pounding of feet behind me and noticing the rapidly approaching shadow i whirled to confront the youth of today. He stopped.
"What do you want?" He asked me. I stared at him slightly dumbfounded, after all he had stopped me.
"Nothing you have got." Was my reply, and i turned and walked on.
More agitated this time, "Give us your fuckin' money".
I laughed to myself, boy had he picked the wrong night, and the wrong person. I had a maxed out credit card that he'd probably be instantly arrested for using, no cash, and one cigarette left.
"I haven't got any." i tell him and continue to walk on.
"What have you got?" He insists.
"A couple of cigarettes." I shrug.
"well fuckin' give us those then." I am reminded of Begbie negotiating a drugs deal in trainspotting.
"Ok." i fish out the beaten and battered pack and lob them over his head, he shuffles over to them and seems to sniff around then in the dark, of course i lose sight for a moment or two as i am trying to make a graceful exit further up the road.
I hear the footfalls of what could have been a jungle animal thump up behind me with much swearing and cursing, and i notice that the air has gone a lovely shade of blue...
Cursing and snarling at my lack of generosity, the creature was evidently quite cross and getting more and more worked up by the second. Imagine how i felt - that was my last cigarette...
I continued walking backwards facing him and from the corner of my eye could see other similarly garbed junkie homie teens heading further up the road. I figured that this was not a great place for a throwdown with this punk, as the numbers were probably not in my favour. Figuring that i should be as visible as possible, i went and stood in the middle of the road.
At this point i figured that violence was inevitable - and i am such a peaceful person...
About a dozen cabs, mostly empty, went past while i walked backwards into the traffic, none of them seemed the slightest bit interested in letting me get in, especially with this idiot getting more and more excitable. This of course pissed me off even further. And it was at this point that i was unleashing a particularly virulent tirade at a passing cab, that i missed blocking one of his hopelessly flailing punches and got the shiner i am currently wearing. Of course, being drunk, light headed and in a generally good mood all wore off right then, and i was back to my old familiar antisocial ways.
I hit him back.
I haven't hit someone for a very long time, not properly in any case, and i haven't even really tried. Scoring with my first shot was quite satisfying and shut him up for all of thirty seconds. I think i told him that he hit like a girl, but i can't verify this.
He came back a-flailing and swinging wild which i blocked or dodged. I kicked him and while it didn't get him off me, it did slow him down just a little. I needed to be rid of him as i'd never get a damn cab with him hanging around like a bad smell.
Continuing to retreat, and warding off his flailing, I reached the top of Oxford street and suddenly i was overwhelmed by the place. The bright lights were too much for me and the traffic swirling, and the alcohol, the car ride, and this dickhead, and i had had enough (or too much as it turned out). With the realisation of the complete uselessness of the society i live in, i waited for him to close as my energy flagged a little and i slumped a bit. Figuring that short of knocking him out, which i wasn't really prepared to do, i was going to struggle to get rid of him.
It was clearly his last chance and that unless he got me here on the corner, he lose me in the millieu, so he advanced rapidly, hands up faux-boxing style ready for me - or so he thought. He charged in and i gave up and did the the only thing i could think of in that situation. I laughed and then did my best Linda Blair impersonation and threw up as accurately as i could, covering his guarding arms and the front of his shirt. There was a half second of silence, broken by his scream, as he jumped, then swore and ran away, back to his homeboy mates who would have obviously have given him hell for being such a failure.
Me, i was leaning on a tree laughing my head off, barely able to stand. If someone had wanted to mug me, that was the ideal time, but fortunately the only person who came to talk to me was an American who "...saw what was going on, but didn't want to get involved back there, since there were about another eight guys, and you seemed to do pretty good for yourself anyways. Hope you're ok, man."
"a legendary re-telling!!" - tims
"You seem to be pretty relaxed about being mugged - maybe it is that DnD courage rising within you." - Snappy Tom
"perhaps dont walk through those areas again???? sheesh Al.......you have loads of interesting times dont you????" -Cam
"Good onya Al" - Tash
"Mate, that is unbelievable.... Have you ever heard of the word RUN!" - AJ
"You know who you are? Your BATMAN!" - Blink / sim_kizz
"Giggle a lot. Oh well done Al, well done. Most perfect. I couldn't have done better myself (well I couldn't have to start with)." - pollyanna_n
"rofl.. you are brilliant!!" - fayr
"You certainly know how to get into and get out of trouble" - evilmegsy
Alpha strikes fear into the criminal community.
And Lo as God decreed Sunday was a day of rest - unable to play cricket, as i was going to the wedding of Loki and Stace. I attended this fine event held at the Taronga Park zoo with it's breathtaking views of the harbour.
After the ceremony we availed ourselves of the fine food and liquor of the Poulos/Hatch celebration. It was with full bellies, winesoaked, and light hearts (not to mention heads) that we left the wildlands and sounds of the zoo at night and returned to the concrete jungle that is Sydney.
Facing the prospect of drinking further with my now unemployed sidekick Pike 5tephe, and other disreputable drunkards like evilmegsy, combined with fatigue from chasing cricket balls as a sub fielder for "The Custers", and the lurching of the taxi, i could no longer stand it, and left the cab near St Vincents Hospital.
Taking a moment to take a breather, and acquaint myself with my surroundings i discovered that i was not far from Oxford Street at all, and a short walk would see me on the home stretch.
Boldly strides ALPHA into the darkness, not knowing that the creatures of the night move against him.
Sadly it was not a creature of the night, but a baseball capped, oversized shirt and shorts wearing, white trash homie junkie 'yo mutherfucka' rent boy, who accosted the ALPHA with the eloquent "Hey you, don't fucking ignore me." Well that was the first thing i heard, he may well have been speaking to me beforehand, but i sure didn't hear him.
With such definite instructions i was left with no choice but to ignore him as i continued towards the bright lights and excitement of Oxford Street.
Hearing the pounding of feet behind me and noticing the rapidly approaching shadow i whirled to confront the youth of today. He stopped.
"What do you want?" He asked me. I stared at him slightly dumbfounded, after all he had stopped me.
"Nothing you have got." Was my reply, and i turned and walked on.
More agitated this time, "Give us your fuckin' money".
I laughed to myself, boy had he picked the wrong night, and the wrong person. I had a maxed out credit card that he'd probably be instantly arrested for using, no cash, and one cigarette left.
"I haven't got any." i tell him and continue to walk on.
"What have you got?" He insists.
"A couple of cigarettes." I shrug.
"well fuckin' give us those then." I am reminded of Begbie negotiating a drugs deal in trainspotting.
"Ok." i fish out the beaten and battered pack and lob them over his head, he shuffles over to them and seems to sniff around then in the dark, of course i lose sight for a moment or two as i am trying to make a graceful exit further up the road.
I hear the footfalls of what could have been a jungle animal thump up behind me with much swearing and cursing, and i notice that the air has gone a lovely shade of blue...
Cursing and snarling at my lack of generosity, the creature was evidently quite cross and getting more and more worked up by the second. Imagine how i felt - that was my last cigarette...
I continued walking backwards facing him and from the corner of my eye could see other similarly garbed junkie homie teens heading further up the road. I figured that this was not a great place for a throwdown with this punk, as the numbers were probably not in my favour. Figuring that i should be as visible as possible, i went and stood in the middle of the road.
At this point i figured that violence was inevitable - and i am such a peaceful person...
About a dozen cabs, mostly empty, went past while i walked backwards into the traffic, none of them seemed the slightest bit interested in letting me get in, especially with this idiot getting more and more excitable. This of course pissed me off even further. And it was at this point that i was unleashing a particularly virulent tirade at a passing cab, that i missed blocking one of his hopelessly flailing punches and got the shiner i am currently wearing. Of course, being drunk, light headed and in a generally good mood all wore off right then, and i was back to my old familiar antisocial ways.
I hit him back.
I haven't hit someone for a very long time, not properly in any case, and i haven't even really tried. Scoring with my first shot was quite satisfying and shut him up for all of thirty seconds. I think i told him that he hit like a girl, but i can't verify this.
He came back a-flailing and swinging wild which i blocked or dodged. I kicked him and while it didn't get him off me, it did slow him down just a little. I needed to be rid of him as i'd never get a damn cab with him hanging around like a bad smell.
Continuing to retreat, and warding off his flailing, I reached the top of Oxford street and suddenly i was overwhelmed by the place. The bright lights were too much for me and the traffic swirling, and the alcohol, the car ride, and this dickhead, and i had had enough (or too much as it turned out). With the realisation of the complete uselessness of the society i live in, i waited for him to close as my energy flagged a little and i slumped a bit. Figuring that short of knocking him out, which i wasn't really prepared to do, i was going to struggle to get rid of him.
It was clearly his last chance and that unless he got me here on the corner, he lose me in the millieu, so he advanced rapidly, hands up faux-boxing style ready for me - or so he thought. He charged in and i gave up and did the the only thing i could think of in that situation. I laughed and then did my best Linda Blair impersonation and threw up as accurately as i could, covering his guarding arms and the front of his shirt. There was a half second of silence, broken by his scream, as he jumped, then swore and ran away, back to his homeboy mates who would have obviously have given him hell for being such a failure.
Me, i was leaning on a tree laughing my head off, barely able to stand. If someone had wanted to mug me, that was the ideal time, but fortunately the only person who came to talk to me was an American who "...saw what was going on, but didn't want to get involved back there, since there were about another eight guys, and you seemed to do pretty good for yourself anyways. Hope you're ok, man."