half assed but all heart
well this is strange.
a few months ago I was sitting in a barbecue restaraunt forcing a chopped beef sandwich into my sewer of a stomach. i was meeting joe staats for a drink. he was with jt habersaat, ruby collins, and about 6 new friends. jt runs a "punk rock comedy" tour. he tours with the warped tour, he's sponsored by the onion. he's a nice guy. a year ago he added me on myspace after one of those meltdown nights at beerland. i poured my guts onto the stage. it launched what you could feebly call a career. he doesn't remember me but i remember him.
at the barbecue place he whispered to ruby about how he needed another comic for the show, since someone had dropped out. joe and ruby pointed to me. i shrugged my shoulders and told them i was in. the opener bailed 5 minutes befor the show started. i was asked if i would take his place. i was drunk and ready to take it out on someone. i stopped telling jokes and started talking to people. i scared people. i stole the show.
a week ago i got an email from jt asking me to join him, ruby, chris cubas, and richie stratton for the east coast wing of their tour. i've never been on tour. i've never been to the east coast. i agreed. finally something payed off in spades.
joe got me a job slinging pizzas at this pie shop. it actually pays quite well. i worked too many hours in too few days. i clocked out. i went to a bar. avi hartman was running a show. he asked me to perform. i drank too much and took the bar for a ride. killed. whatever. it feels good.
now that i'm good at what i do and i have credentials people come up to me and say nice things. people want to drink beers with me. attractive women approach me the way that i would approach them. nervously. we are both ecstatic to be in each other's presence. they way two people in eachother's company should be.
this girl showed me her tattoos. 8 bit versions of mario and luigi from super mario 3. one on each shoulder blade. the composition that boring girls use when they get angel wing tattoos. we drank pabst and watched old tv shows. the ideal austin hipster date. we made plans the next night.
the other one had called me a week before. sharkface. marla. whatever you want to call her. "the ray of sunshine that comes into my life and gives my happiness skin cancer." she wants to make things complicated again. she might have just caught wind of my recent success. we love eachother for some reason. i love her the way that a stray dog loves whoever feeds it. she loves me the way godzilla loves the screaming citizens of tokyo. she wants to see me. i want to see her. thursday is my day off (today) and thursday she is busy housing some musicians and circus freaks (seriously) that are coming through town. plans are put off.
i meet the girl with the 8 bit tattoos at the scoot inn after work. we're going to see an old favorite act from her homestate of alabama. a neurotic balding emo man (notice, MAN. they're growing up) in an elaborate leotard singing songs about getting old and, in all honesty, putting on a very entertaining and funny show. the work week starts to weigh on me. under my eyes i have black rings that you could mount diamonds on. i'm so tired that i end sentences with prepositions. 8-bit tells me that she is going to houston tomorrow with emotron to see the next show. i fall asleep on the couch. emotron sleeps on the floor. 8-bit sleeps in her bed.
marla and i communicate through frustration and hate. just like my parents. thats how i know we will get married or kill eachother at the end of this sick joke of a life. i called her this morning to see if she still hated me.
"to death," she says with a smile i can hear over the phone.
the secret to keeping someone addicted to you is to always part ways on a bad note. she breaks my heart. we break the ice. i break her frozen heart. we repeat.
"so the show you saw last night. it was funny?," marla drops her tone
" it was pretty funny. it's just good to see an act that isn't pretending to hate the fact that they're on stage. this guy shaved the top of his head."
"wait... what band did you see??"
----
emotron, 3 circus freaks, and 8-bit show up on marla's doorstep. we'll see how this goes.
anyway. here's something we both can enjoy
a few months ago I was sitting in a barbecue restaraunt forcing a chopped beef sandwich into my sewer of a stomach. i was meeting joe staats for a drink. he was with jt habersaat, ruby collins, and about 6 new friends. jt runs a "punk rock comedy" tour. he tours with the warped tour, he's sponsored by the onion. he's a nice guy. a year ago he added me on myspace after one of those meltdown nights at beerland. i poured my guts onto the stage. it launched what you could feebly call a career. he doesn't remember me but i remember him.
at the barbecue place he whispered to ruby about how he needed another comic for the show, since someone had dropped out. joe and ruby pointed to me. i shrugged my shoulders and told them i was in. the opener bailed 5 minutes befor the show started. i was asked if i would take his place. i was drunk and ready to take it out on someone. i stopped telling jokes and started talking to people. i scared people. i stole the show.
a week ago i got an email from jt asking me to join him, ruby, chris cubas, and richie stratton for the east coast wing of their tour. i've never been on tour. i've never been to the east coast. i agreed. finally something payed off in spades.
joe got me a job slinging pizzas at this pie shop. it actually pays quite well. i worked too many hours in too few days. i clocked out. i went to a bar. avi hartman was running a show. he asked me to perform. i drank too much and took the bar for a ride. killed. whatever. it feels good.
now that i'm good at what i do and i have credentials people come up to me and say nice things. people want to drink beers with me. attractive women approach me the way that i would approach them. nervously. we are both ecstatic to be in each other's presence. they way two people in eachother's company should be.
this girl showed me her tattoos. 8 bit versions of mario and luigi from super mario 3. one on each shoulder blade. the composition that boring girls use when they get angel wing tattoos. we drank pabst and watched old tv shows. the ideal austin hipster date. we made plans the next night.
the other one had called me a week before. sharkface. marla. whatever you want to call her. "the ray of sunshine that comes into my life and gives my happiness skin cancer." she wants to make things complicated again. she might have just caught wind of my recent success. we love eachother for some reason. i love her the way that a stray dog loves whoever feeds it. she loves me the way godzilla loves the screaming citizens of tokyo. she wants to see me. i want to see her. thursday is my day off (today) and thursday she is busy housing some musicians and circus freaks (seriously) that are coming through town. plans are put off.
i meet the girl with the 8 bit tattoos at the scoot inn after work. we're going to see an old favorite act from her homestate of alabama. a neurotic balding emo man (notice, MAN. they're growing up) in an elaborate leotard singing songs about getting old and, in all honesty, putting on a very entertaining and funny show. the work week starts to weigh on me. under my eyes i have black rings that you could mount diamonds on. i'm so tired that i end sentences with prepositions. 8-bit tells me that she is going to houston tomorrow with emotron to see the next show. i fall asleep on the couch. emotron sleeps on the floor. 8-bit sleeps in her bed.
marla and i communicate through frustration and hate. just like my parents. thats how i know we will get married or kill eachother at the end of this sick joke of a life. i called her this morning to see if she still hated me.
"to death," she says with a smile i can hear over the phone.
the secret to keeping someone addicted to you is to always part ways on a bad note. she breaks my heart. we break the ice. i break her frozen heart. we repeat.
"so the show you saw last night. it was funny?," marla drops her tone
" it was pretty funny. it's just good to see an act that isn't pretending to hate the fact that they're on stage. this guy shaved the top of his head."
"wait... what band did you see??"
----
emotron, 3 circus freaks, and 8-bit show up on marla's doorstep. we'll see how this goes.
anyway. here's something we both can enjoy
