Working on Self-Improvement
I need to update everyone huh? On things going on. Hmm.. Everything is going pretty well I'd have to say. Yeah.. Usually, when I think of writing in my LJ, it's cause something depressing is up. Hmm.. What's happened? I was suppose to go to Burma for like this whole summer. =O ! Yeah.. Scary. Whole summer like 2 and a half months. I would have learned to keep myself busy. Hahaha.. I was going to teach a little English there, make friends, brush up on Burmese, and just have fun with the locals. Heheh.. It'd be like a missions trip to Mexico or Arizona, except way longer and I could catch a tropical disease or get caught in a local rebellion/government confrentation. Gheese.. scary. I really realized though with the possiblity of having to go that God's really watching out for me. Hahah.. Yeah.. I know I should totally be gung-ho for where ever God wants to take me.. but seriously.. sometimes.. it's hard to be strong and desire the same will God has planned for me. Yeah.. the Burma trip got canceled cause Aung San Su Kyi is under house arrest again, and the entire nation is in political unrest. Schools and universities are getting shut down again (last time that happened, schools were closed for like 2 years I think). Hmm.. But yeah, foreigners are really being watched over and it's just not a safe time to be there right now. Sigh..
Honestly, I was a little bummed that my fun summer was spoiled.. but I was willing. I'm not really sure what that says about me as a Christian. Oh yeah.. the really bad thing I caught myself with though was that I was like bargaining with God.. which is REALLY bad. I was like "Sigh.. I'll go to Burma God, but you owe me." =O ! Yeah.. I caught myself in the middle of that one. I was like, oh my gosh, what am I saying? God doesn't owe me ANYTHING. My life is SO blessed. I complain and whine sometimes about little inconviences, but that's WAY better then what half the world has. Like in Burma, kids would kill to be in my place. And here I am bargaining with God to deal with a little inconvienece. It's barely a summer, common. I'm such a whimp. Heheh.. But.. yeah.. it ends up that I'm not going. Yeah.. I feel unsure about my actions sometimes, I'm afraid I have the wrong motives of serving with a sacrificial behavior. I know that Christ was sacrificial though, so DEFINATELY this is how I should also be living me life. But I just gets to me sometimes.. Okay.. so I guess I need to work on having the right heart and not caring if people don't appreciate me. I mean, Christ never expected anything in return when he gave his service to the needy. Yeah.. I guess that is my issue. I have this need to be appreciated, and I feel a lot that when I do things for people, I don't get recognition. Hmm.. but all the recognition needs to go to God. Wow.. total conflict of interests. I need to work on that too. =/ Hmm.. Well, I shouldn't feel too bad about any of the issues I need to get right with. I mean, the first step is acknowledging, and I am going to work on this getting right with God thing. =) Yeah.. my motto is not to get guilty about all the things you need to fix if you're doing something about it. Otherwise, we as Christians would always just be feeling guilty about what we lack. That's just a waste of energy, when all that energy could be going into self-improvement. =)
Okay, I think I'm going to go work on some more self-improvment. =)
Until next time.
Honestly, I was a little bummed that my fun summer was spoiled.. but I was willing. I'm not really sure what that says about me as a Christian. Oh yeah.. the really bad thing I caught myself with though was that I was like bargaining with God.. which is REALLY bad. I was like "Sigh.. I'll go to Burma God, but you owe me." =O ! Yeah.. I caught myself in the middle of that one. I was like, oh my gosh, what am I saying? God doesn't owe me ANYTHING. My life is SO blessed. I complain and whine sometimes about little inconviences, but that's WAY better then what half the world has. Like in Burma, kids would kill to be in my place. And here I am bargaining with God to deal with a little inconvienece. It's barely a summer, common. I'm such a whimp. Heheh.. But.. yeah.. it ends up that I'm not going. Yeah.. I feel unsure about my actions sometimes, I'm afraid I have the wrong motives of serving with a sacrificial behavior. I know that Christ was sacrificial though, so DEFINATELY this is how I should also be living me life. But I just gets to me sometimes.. Okay.. so I guess I need to work on having the right heart and not caring if people don't appreciate me. I mean, Christ never expected anything in return when he gave his service to the needy. Yeah.. I guess that is my issue. I have this need to be appreciated, and I feel a lot that when I do things for people, I don't get recognition. Hmm.. but all the recognition needs to go to God. Wow.. total conflict of interests. I need to work on that too. =/ Hmm.. Well, I shouldn't feel too bad about any of the issues I need to get right with. I mean, the first step is acknowledging, and I am going to work on this getting right with God thing. =) Yeah.. my motto is not to get guilty about all the things you need to fix if you're doing something about it. Otherwise, we as Christians would always just be feeling guilty about what we lack. That's just a waste of energy, when all that energy could be going into self-improvement. =)
Okay, I think I'm going to go work on some more self-improvment. =)
Until next time.