Taking the power back

[smizmarr]

Today is day one, it's the first day of the rest of my life. I'm gonna find it hard to explain how happy I am but I'll try. From now on the body loathing is gonna stop. The jealousy, the trust issues, the depressive thoughts, the negative things I say, the negative things I think are all gonna be thought out and worked at. Alex loves me and fancies me AS MUCH as all the women in the world who, by our cultures standards are PHYSICALLY more attractive, this is because how I look is the shell of who I am. He can touch me, I'm a real person and his attraction towards me runs deeper than what he sees. I am not saying I am gonna run around thinking I'm the most beautiful women in the world but I can't keep slagging myself off alll the time. When he looks at my body he doesn't go 'oh her boobs (or whatever) are not as nice as (whoever)', he goes 'I love (those boobs) because they belong to the girl I love and they're unique to her'. If I'm having a bad hair day it doesn't affect how good it feels for him to kiss me. I'm hoping if I can be more confident and inl ove with my body it will be contagious. I have to accept that my belly and hips will always be proportionally bigger than the rest of me and the fluctuation of my belly and boobs is just my bodies weird way of dealing with hormone chnages, certain foods whatever. Instead of looking at my big hips and going 'eurgh' I shoult start rolling them around as I walk and being proud of the curve. And I should also look to the good features I have (haven't quite worked out what they are yet), and not just physical stuff. Instead of always freaking out about things going badly with Alex I'm gonna start enjoying it when it's good and say 'bring it on' If I'm seeing him less it'll mean we appreciate our time together more. I f he's grumpy it'll mean he needs me to be more affectionate and more open, not sad and defensive. He's a brilliant, supportive and respectful guy who is not going to cheat on me if only because he respects me, so I should cherish that and let him have female friends.

I really hope I can stay this way because I'm so happy at the moment, it's like a much needed epiphany