I'm sorry...
I have not written anything here in a while, largely due to laziness and partially due to Facebook.
Reading past entries made me sad. I was bitter and jealous of others because I was unhappy with myself. I was so... obsessed with my idea of "perfection" that I was terribly and unnecessarily cruel to myself, resulting in some not-so-healthy behaviors. These increased in frequency at the beginning of the semester,and I had a breakdown-ish of sorts. I realized that I needed help, so I'm going to a bit of counseling now. I'm not cured: sometimes I still feel guilty after eating too much; sometimes I still "feel fat." But my thoughts are starting to change: whenever I begin to think a negative thought about the way I look, I either re-word it into something positive or banish it completely.
To be perfectly honest, few things have really changed in my life: I'm still at Jewel, my mom is still stressed, the family situation is still difficult, I'm as disorganized as I ever was, and I still hover around the same weight. I realized, though, that my obsession with perfection is dangerous: when I am focused on what is wrong, I neglect what is wonderful and beautiful and good. Hopefully by re-working my thoughts, I can help myself to avoid the complications of the "perfection" trap.
The new semester begins on Monday. Fall semester went by so quickly; I can't believe it is over. Let's hope that this new one will be productive and fun-filled.
Reading past entries made me sad. I was bitter and jealous of others because I was unhappy with myself. I was so... obsessed with my idea of "perfection" that I was terribly and unnecessarily cruel to myself, resulting in some not-so-healthy behaviors. These increased in frequency at the beginning of the semester,and I had a breakdown-ish of sorts. I realized that I needed help, so I'm going to a bit of counseling now. I'm not cured: sometimes I still feel guilty after eating too much; sometimes I still "feel fat." But my thoughts are starting to change: whenever I begin to think a negative thought about the way I look, I either re-word it into something positive or banish it completely.
To be perfectly honest, few things have really changed in my life: I'm still at Jewel, my mom is still stressed, the family situation is still difficult, I'm as disorganized as I ever was, and I still hover around the same weight. I realized, though, that my obsession with perfection is dangerous: when I am focused on what is wrong, I neglect what is wonderful and beautiful and good. Hopefully by re-working my thoughts, I can help myself to avoid the complications of the "perfection" trap.
The new semester begins on Monday. Fall semester went by so quickly; I can't believe it is over. Let's hope that this new one will be productive and fun-filled.