(no subject)
I've tried so many different attitudes: the "wounded by love"; "screw this, I don't care (but deep down I do)"; the patient, "can't hurry love"; the jealous, "i'm not as pretty/skinny/funny/smart/popular as other girls... if i was, i'd have one by now"; the whiney, emo, "no one loves me and never will"; and numerous, numerous rants about "nice girls" and how we have no place in teenage/early adult society. None of them have worked for me. I am 100% honest when I say that I do NOT evaluate my self- worth based on the number of gentleman callers I have. Actually, I came to the conclusion that its based on the number of gentleman callers that other girls have...
ALL of this I'm going to type are issues within myself that I need to work through, and are NO ONE ELSE'S FAULT. It is so terrible, but I can't help but feel jealous of other girls, even friends, who are popular with guys. It's an awful thing, but i can't help it. I just see how other girls are with guys: cuddly, obnoxious (in a good way, hehe), funny, loud. And guys think of them as funny, cute, cuddly, beautiful, confident.. desireable. I just feel like... I am usually totally myself with guys, but at the same time i "can't" do things. Like, I feel that guys have different expectations/ standards for me.. like I can't sit on their laps, flirt, be cute... Its as if, I'm the nice one, the reliable one, the one thats good to sit and talk to quietly, not to dance with or be crazy with. I'm the nice one, never the pretty one, never the fun one, nothing. I do feel it is important to be nice, but... I don't know. I feel like.. that's my one good point, but its not enough to make me stand out in their minds. I feel.. overshadowed by the other more outgoing girls. And I'm not saying that Ithink I should eb speacial, number one, stanidng out in every guys mind, but is it real wrong to want to be seen as special or desireable for once, instead of just "nice" ?
ALL of this I'm going to type are issues within myself that I need to work through, and are NO ONE ELSE'S FAULT. It is so terrible, but I can't help but feel jealous of other girls, even friends, who are popular with guys. It's an awful thing, but i can't help it. I just see how other girls are with guys: cuddly, obnoxious (in a good way, hehe), funny, loud. And guys think of them as funny, cute, cuddly, beautiful, confident.. desireable. I just feel like... I am usually totally myself with guys, but at the same time i "can't" do things. Like, I feel that guys have different expectations/ standards for me.. like I can't sit on their laps, flirt, be cute... Its as if, I'm the nice one, the reliable one, the one thats good to sit and talk to quietly, not to dance with or be crazy with. I'm the nice one, never the pretty one, never the fun one, nothing. I do feel it is important to be nice, but... I don't know. I feel like.. that's my one good point, but its not enough to make me stand out in their minds. I feel.. overshadowed by the other more outgoing girls. And I'm not saying that Ithink I should eb speacial, number one, stanidng out in every guys mind, but is it real wrong to want to be seen as special or desireable for once, instead of just "nice" ?