Hello life.
So wow. here i am in my college dorm room. as usual, thank you livejournal for being a source of procrastination for me as you always were.
im going to write stuff about college now, i think.
i really like it. the first couple weeks were rough. i really missed my bestest friends in the entire world, and many other people too. i missed being liked and wanted in a group. we realized that the "family" got too rediculously close this past year, and therefore we will never find anyone who we will be able to be just as close with.
but i guess i have friends here. weird. are these going to be my "best friends" for the rest of my life as everyone says? i certainly cant imagine not being friends with my high school bffs after college, nor do i want to imagine that, but its also hard to imagine living my life in 2 different worlds for the rest of my life. will the family ever become friends with ym college friends? it doesn't seem possible that everyones college friends will be come friends with the family so that we can all stay close, cause thats 6 groups of friends coming together, from 6 (sometimes) very different people.
the first night i was here i cried silently in my bed. i missed my old life so ridiculously much, i could not even contemplate that this was my new life. this is my new room, new friends, new routine, new school, new teachers, new everything. but now its good, and its kind of true what they say: i feel like ive known these people for a long time. most likely this is because im like, living with them. we eat together, we hang out constantly in the lounge, we do homework together, we go out together. its like were a big gossipy familiy, but definitely no comparison to the "family" obviously.
the hard thing about college is that there is constantly an opportunity to socialize so its so hard to make myself do work when i know that everyone is hanging out in the lounge. thats why im here at midnight with 1/5 of my spanish essay written and i have to get up at 7:45. yayyy.
its weird that im in college now because my first good friend who went to college that i kept in touch with was kurt. i remember him telling me about how during all the orientation activities he went and sat in this cemetary. then i remember getting updates about the Bitches, and their song. and how our hall has a cheer now. and im just like, im in the same position kurt was, but i dont feel as old as i imagined him being. hard to explain.
i cant believe this is college. this is what we were working towards for the past 13 years of our lives in school. how weird. whats next? graduate school and a job? then what, you just live and live and then wait to die pretty much? not to sound morbid but our whole childhood we were conditioned to always be working towards something but it seems unattainable. i feel like we will always be working towards something that is just out of reach.
i also now understand something my dad once said to me. once a few years ago i asked him what it was like to be grown up. he said " i still feel like a kid."
me too. im 18, i can vote, im in college, i have loans, and a job where i am treated like a serious adult and im like holy shit, i am still 13. why are you letting me borrow thousands of dollars? why am i allowed to be in charge of a 4 year old child? you're letting me have a say in who our next president will be? i still like to color pictures of My Little Pony, and i have a box of 96 crayons with a sharpener in the back. what is going on here?
to be honest, im pretty sure this is life. this is it. theres nothing more to be looking forward too, we should just be excited by living everyday and having fun. having goals is good obviously, but if you always feel like theres something better out there, then you will always feel like you life is missing something.
i think im ready to be on my own now. when i went home i just felt like i was taking a little vacation from reality. it doesnt feel like my life anymore, because i guess its not. i dont like living at my house, and im tired of dealing with my family's problems that arent mine, because i'm ready to just take on my own responsibilities and let others, namely my sister, grow up the way i did. i cant try to make life easier for her because eventually she will be in my place and she'll be on her own too and she has to deal with the same shit i did. and it sucks. but thats how you grow up i guess.
so random entry? indeed. can adults have live journals? it doesnt matter, im not an adult. but seriosuly. when do i have to stop using facebook. how are we gunna keep our facebook group alive when were out of school and stuff. people meet their husbands in college. thats sooo weird. my parents met in college. what if i already know my future husband?
ok, i really need to do my homework now. (highschool lj flashback?)
im going to write stuff about college now, i think.
i really like it. the first couple weeks were rough. i really missed my bestest friends in the entire world, and many other people too. i missed being liked and wanted in a group. we realized that the "family" got too rediculously close this past year, and therefore we will never find anyone who we will be able to be just as close with.
but i guess i have friends here. weird. are these going to be my "best friends" for the rest of my life as everyone says? i certainly cant imagine not being friends with my high school bffs after college, nor do i want to imagine that, but its also hard to imagine living my life in 2 different worlds for the rest of my life. will the family ever become friends with ym college friends? it doesn't seem possible that everyones college friends will be come friends with the family so that we can all stay close, cause thats 6 groups of friends coming together, from 6 (sometimes) very different people.
the first night i was here i cried silently in my bed. i missed my old life so ridiculously much, i could not even contemplate that this was my new life. this is my new room, new friends, new routine, new school, new teachers, new everything. but now its good, and its kind of true what they say: i feel like ive known these people for a long time. most likely this is because im like, living with them. we eat together, we hang out constantly in the lounge, we do homework together, we go out together. its like were a big gossipy familiy, but definitely no comparison to the "family" obviously.
the hard thing about college is that there is constantly an opportunity to socialize so its so hard to make myself do work when i know that everyone is hanging out in the lounge. thats why im here at midnight with 1/5 of my spanish essay written and i have to get up at 7:45. yayyy.
its weird that im in college now because my first good friend who went to college that i kept in touch with was kurt. i remember him telling me about how during all the orientation activities he went and sat in this cemetary. then i remember getting updates about the Bitches, and their song. and how our hall has a cheer now. and im just like, im in the same position kurt was, but i dont feel as old as i imagined him being. hard to explain.
i cant believe this is college. this is what we were working towards for the past 13 years of our lives in school. how weird. whats next? graduate school and a job? then what, you just live and live and then wait to die pretty much? not to sound morbid but our whole childhood we were conditioned to always be working towards something but it seems unattainable. i feel like we will always be working towards something that is just out of reach.
i also now understand something my dad once said to me. once a few years ago i asked him what it was like to be grown up. he said " i still feel like a kid."
me too. im 18, i can vote, im in college, i have loans, and a job where i am treated like a serious adult and im like holy shit, i am still 13. why are you letting me borrow thousands of dollars? why am i allowed to be in charge of a 4 year old child? you're letting me have a say in who our next president will be? i still like to color pictures of My Little Pony, and i have a box of 96 crayons with a sharpener in the back. what is going on here?
to be honest, im pretty sure this is life. this is it. theres nothing more to be looking forward too, we should just be excited by living everyday and having fun. having goals is good obviously, but if you always feel like theres something better out there, then you will always feel like you life is missing something.
i think im ready to be on my own now. when i went home i just felt like i was taking a little vacation from reality. it doesnt feel like my life anymore, because i guess its not. i dont like living at my house, and im tired of dealing with my family's problems that arent mine, because i'm ready to just take on my own responsibilities and let others, namely my sister, grow up the way i did. i cant try to make life easier for her because eventually she will be in my place and she'll be on her own too and she has to deal with the same shit i did. and it sucks. but thats how you grow up i guess.
so random entry? indeed. can adults have live journals? it doesnt matter, im not an adult. but seriosuly. when do i have to stop using facebook. how are we gunna keep our facebook group alive when were out of school and stuff. people meet their husbands in college. thats sooo weird. my parents met in college. what if i already know my future husband?
ok, i really need to do my homework now. (highschool lj flashback?)