Everyone Is Sick For Something That They Can Find Facinating...
So there's one aspect of my life in which I am something of a wimp. Guys. Specifically dating. The easiest way for me to explain why is to say that there's really nothing quite like a divorce to totally fuck your self esteem. It's not even my entire self-esteem- I think I'm smart, fun, & interesting. However, what I don't really believe is that I'm physically attractive to guys. If the guy who swore to love me forever decided after a few years that he wasn't all that interested in keeping me around, why would anyone else? (I can hear chronarchy saying, "Your ex is an idiot" already.).
This is one of the main reasons that I don't really date much. Sine my ex & I split up in 2002, I've asked out a grand total of 4 guys. Tonight was number 4. I decided to ask out the cute guy from the New Year's Eve party even if he is kinda young for me (after all, head space is far more important than years on the planet). I have to admit, as far as initial reactions go, "Maybe" is the best I've got so far- the others all turned me down flat (one at least was very nice about it, explaining that he had a girlfriend back home. One laughed in my face & the third became convinced I was trying to get into his pants any time I talked to him afterwards). However, the "maybe" (which he qualified by saying that he didn't have a job at the moment so he couldn't really afford to take anyone anywhere but assured me that I'd see him a lot at Finch's & elsewhere) was sort of negated by the fact that later was was making out with another girl. Yeah.
The thing that kills me is that I think it could have been me instead of her. I, in my usual way, spent the early portion of the evening being very tongue-tied whenever I tried to talk to him. After failing to get my nerve up after his band finished, I'd made up my mind to talk to him when the second band finished, only to turn around towards the end of their set to see her buying him a drink. Day late, dollar short. :-P At that point I wasn't really going to say anything to him about it but Wheels kinda forced me to by threatening to tell him if I didn't say anything. (At which point I wanted to know when exactly I'd time-traveled back to high school.)
I think I'll go listen to angry chick music for a while.
ETA: I should mention for those who didn't know before I was married/divorced that I didn't used to have such a problem with asking guys out. I'd obsess over a guy for a while, then ask him out. If he said yes, than cool (that's how my ex-husband & I started dating) but if he said no then I just got over it. I'd even occasionally make the point of asking a guy out that I was fairly sure wasn't interested because I'd got tired of the crush & knew that would end it fairly easily. So this level of self-consciousness is very new.
This is one of the main reasons that I don't really date much. Sine my ex & I split up in 2002, I've asked out a grand total of 4 guys. Tonight was number 4. I decided to ask out the cute guy from the New Year's Eve party even if he is kinda young for me (after all, head space is far more important than years on the planet). I have to admit, as far as initial reactions go, "Maybe" is the best I've got so far- the others all turned me down flat (one at least was very nice about it, explaining that he had a girlfriend back home. One laughed in my face & the third became convinced I was trying to get into his pants any time I talked to him afterwards). However, the "maybe" (which he qualified by saying that he didn't have a job at the moment so he couldn't really afford to take anyone anywhere but assured me that I'd see him a lot at Finch's & elsewhere) was sort of negated by the fact that later was was making out with another girl. Yeah.
The thing that kills me is that I think it could have been me instead of her. I, in my usual way, spent the early portion of the evening being very tongue-tied whenever I tried to talk to him. After failing to get my nerve up after his band finished, I'd made up my mind to talk to him when the second band finished, only to turn around towards the end of their set to see her buying him a drink. Day late, dollar short. :-P At that point I wasn't really going to say anything to him about it but Wheels kinda forced me to by threatening to tell him if I didn't say anything. (At which point I wanted to know when exactly I'd time-traveled back to high school.)
I think I'll go listen to angry chick music for a while.
ETA: I should mention for those who didn't know before I was married/divorced that I didn't used to have such a problem with asking guys out. I'd obsess over a guy for a while, then ask him out. If he said yes, than cool (that's how my ex-husband & I started dating) but if he said no then I just got over it. I'd even occasionally make the point of asking a guy out that I was fairly sure wasn't interested because I'd got tired of the crush & knew that would end it fairly easily. So this level of self-consciousness is very new.