(no subject)
It's late, I have to be up in six and a half hours, and I can't sleep. I don't know how it started, but I got thinking about annoying customers at work, and then I started ranting to Mike and then everything snowballed and I started to cry.
I know I should just view work as punching the clock until I get something better and not let customers' or the office's stupidity get to me, but it does., I come home stressed, I have a tight knot in my chest, and I just feel like I'm wasting my life. Why can't I have a real people job? Why can't I put away money for better things? Why haven't I travelled? Why don't I own my own house, or at least a car? Why aren't we planning for a baby? Why has it taken me 10+ years to finally get my goddamned degree?
I'm not where I thought I would be by now and it really hurts. I know things never go according to plan, but can't they at least go close?
I had a CT scan for my ear today and I bled all over the place when the woman put the shunt in for the contrast material. Like, a part of my arm as wide as my hand, covered in blood. And the contrast material made me feel dizzy and nauseated for the rest of the day which didn't really help my mood.
I want to sleep, but I can't. I got up so I could do something to take my mind off work and stress and regretting everything I've ever done, but it's not working. Mike tried to help me feel better but eventually his tiredness overcame him and he had to sleep. He has to be up in four and a half hours anyway.
I I I I. All my sentences start with I. Ugh.
I know I should just view work as punching the clock until I get something better and not let customers' or the office's stupidity get to me, but it does., I come home stressed, I have a tight knot in my chest, and I just feel like I'm wasting my life. Why can't I have a real people job? Why can't I put away money for better things? Why haven't I travelled? Why don't I own my own house, or at least a car? Why aren't we planning for a baby? Why has it taken me 10+ years to finally get my goddamned degree?
I'm not where I thought I would be by now and it really hurts. I know things never go according to plan, but can't they at least go close?
I had a CT scan for my ear today and I bled all over the place when the woman put the shunt in for the contrast material. Like, a part of my arm as wide as my hand, covered in blood. And the contrast material made me feel dizzy and nauseated for the rest of the day which didn't really help my mood.
I want to sleep, but I can't. I got up so I could do something to take my mind off work and stress and regretting everything I've ever done, but it's not working. Mike tried to help me feel better but eventually his tiredness overcame him and he had to sleep. He has to be up in four and a half hours anyway.
I I I I. All my sentences start with I. Ugh.