why 2015 is such a downer...
.... so by now its obvious 2015 and i wont become the best of friends, but last thursday i've been really put into place
so i went home from work like usual, i've no other option but to use one underground line, and because i want to get home fast, i always enter the underground on the side that is close to the exit that i need- for me that is the front of the train- i always do it, when i have the time and i most of the time have... so i did it on thursday too... i go about 20 min with the train, so i usually put the earplugs in have nice music or podfic on and sleep (using the time so i can do stuff at home after work)
but this time there was a row between two drunken roughians and two normal ppl (cant give more detail- till the glasses broke and screaming started i slept), glasses where thrown, ppl were bleeding, a knife was pulled (me is totally unharmed!) but suddenly i came from being far away form the scene to first row front seat because all the others just disappeared - and as i was trying to call the police my phone just hung itself (lucky enough loads of ppl called the police, and they were coming fast)... as it was over one of the normal ppl started to shout and i really... i really cant handle shouting it drowns me like nothing else... its ok from my parents because i took that for well ever i would say, and with them i have to try not to laugh, its also ok from strangers in work, because there i have the uniform that protects me- there i am not me, but costumer service of my firm... but strangers screaming at me frightens me really a lot and with all the roommate situation and my break-down on the saturday (20th) i was really not all good and i had another break-down... it was really horrible, i had troubles to breath, then my body started to shake, and then i just cried, and i couldnt get it under control... and i was so embarrassed because all of the ppl saw me cry and shake (even as it all was over and i was on my way home, tears streamed out of my eyes...it took me hours at home and a loooong hot shower to get over it) and i feel really stupid for it now, and very embarrassed... it was just too much, with work all hectic, and well so much trouble everywhere i really didn't need someone to take away the general safety i felt- friday going to work, and going home from work was hellish, i was on edge all the time, but i was also brave and took the same door (and not the same seat because that was taken) but a close one... yesterday i managed do doze a very little on the way to work... and close my eyes on the way home *is rather proud* so i hope i'm bouncing back
but you see this is what happens this year with me- and each time i hope its over (like peace with roommate because she has exam- nothing being resolved but well i dont care, thats the mantra) something like this happens and i'm really, really tired of it...
at least i'm over the drama - thats the important part right?!
since my hand in in rare i did not write one word, because exhaustion and no ideas and no mood to put down words
i put about 100k already down this year and so i told myself i earned and deserved a break (because really, i had to fight the guilt before it is there)
and on saturday during the shower i had my first tiny little idea, and yesterday during work i had an awesome plot idea for one of my to do list stories, and i could see it in my mind, and feel the urge to write in my fingers - so yes muses are coming back- i will not put down words before the 2nd because mostly time but also i hope that with the longer wait they will be more eager and more cooperative *has fingers crossed*
i cant wait to write again, i bet it will be fun
and i got myself one awesome prompt each for drizzle and for bottom!draco lets wait and see what my muses can come up with *is excited*
i still have to read a looooooot of fics, but at the moment i try to do some work for my theses, because theses! but when i take a break, i will be happy to make it a fanfic brake - have you seen all the awesome stuff created this year so far *is amazed at awesome fandom-stuff*
so with this i leave you on a hopefully nice week- btw if you feel like you are having to much sunshine, please sent some over, here its all cloudy and cold and i really could use sunshine and lovely weather XD
so i went home from work like usual, i've no other option but to use one underground line, and because i want to get home fast, i always enter the underground on the side that is close to the exit that i need- for me that is the front of the train- i always do it, when i have the time and i most of the time have... so i did it on thursday too... i go about 20 min with the train, so i usually put the earplugs in have nice music or podfic on and sleep (using the time so i can do stuff at home after work)
but this time there was a row between two drunken roughians and two normal ppl (cant give more detail- till the glasses broke and screaming started i slept), glasses where thrown, ppl were bleeding, a knife was pulled (me is totally unharmed!) but suddenly i came from being far away form the scene to first row front seat because all the others just disappeared - and as i was trying to call the police my phone just hung itself (lucky enough loads of ppl called the police, and they were coming fast)... as it was over one of the normal ppl started to shout and i really... i really cant handle shouting it drowns me like nothing else... its ok from my parents because i took that for well ever i would say, and with them i have to try not to laugh, its also ok from strangers in work, because there i have the uniform that protects me- there i am not me, but costumer service of my firm... but strangers screaming at me frightens me really a lot and with all the roommate situation and my break-down on the saturday (20th) i was really not all good and i had another break-down... it was really horrible, i had troubles to breath, then my body started to shake, and then i just cried, and i couldnt get it under control... and i was so embarrassed because all of the ppl saw me cry and shake (even as it all was over and i was on my way home, tears streamed out of my eyes...it took me hours at home and a loooong hot shower to get over it) and i feel really stupid for it now, and very embarrassed... it was just too much, with work all hectic, and well so much trouble everywhere i really didn't need someone to take away the general safety i felt- friday going to work, and going home from work was hellish, i was on edge all the time, but i was also brave and took the same door (and not the same seat because that was taken) but a close one... yesterday i managed do doze a very little on the way to work... and close my eyes on the way home *is rather proud* so i hope i'm bouncing back
but you see this is what happens this year with me- and each time i hope its over (like peace with roommate because she has exam- nothing being resolved but well i dont care, thats the mantra) something like this happens and i'm really, really tired of it...
at least i'm over the drama - thats the important part right?!
since my hand in in rare i did not write one word, because exhaustion and no ideas and no mood to put down words
i put about 100k already down this year and so i told myself i earned and deserved a break (because really, i had to fight the guilt before it is there)
and on saturday during the shower i had my first tiny little idea, and yesterday during work i had an awesome plot idea for one of my to do list stories, and i could see it in my mind, and feel the urge to write in my fingers - so yes muses are coming back- i will not put down words before the 2nd because mostly time but also i hope that with the longer wait they will be more eager and more cooperative *has fingers crossed*
i cant wait to write again, i bet it will be fun
and i got myself one awesome prompt each for drizzle and for bottom!draco lets wait and see what my muses can come up with *is excited*
i still have to read a looooooot of fics, but at the moment i try to do some work for my theses, because theses! but when i take a break, i will be happy to make it a fanfic brake - have you seen all the awesome stuff created this year so far *is amazed at awesome fandom-stuff*
so with this i leave you on a hopefully nice week- btw if you feel like you are having to much sunshine, please sent some over, here its all cloudy and cold and i really could use sunshine and lovely weather XD