(no subject)
"so you know we're just friends right?"
"right, of course, what else could we be"
"right, so... um, do you wanna hang out or something?"
"sure!"
"oh by the way, do you think you could do something for me?"
"ummm what is it and when?"
"yeah it's nothin big, just do this, at this time..."
"oh sure no problem"
"hey you wanna do this?"
"yeah definitely! i love that!"
"so how are things?"
"great! everything's going great!"
"well i'll talk to ya later"
"right, later"
what's really goin on...
"so you know we're just friends right?"
"right, of course, what else could we be"
(except for the fact that I want so much to be with you even though i know you don't feel the same way)
"right, so... um, do you wanna hang out or something?"
"sure!"
(hmmm to obvious, should have told them no... but i couldn't do that, what if they still maybe like me... no that can't be it... aw shit)
"oh by the way, do you think you could do something for me?"
"ummm what is it and when?"
(not that it matters cuz i'll do it anyways, maybe it will change how you feel about me)
"yeah it's nothin big, just do this, at this time..."
"oh sure no problem"
(crap, i have two papers to write and i have to go take care of that other thing... but who cares, it's for them, so it's all o.k.)
"hey you wanna do this?"
"yeah definitely! i love that!"
(actually i suck at it, and i really don't want to do it, but i will anyways, cuz you like it and i really want you to like me.. even though i probably shouldn't and it's really not in my best interests to... aw hell, maybe it'll help, maybe it will make you like me)
"so how are things?"
"great! everything's going great!"
(actually i don't really know because i spend all my time trying to make you like me, trying to make you see how great it would be to be with me, i've lost track of what i'm supposed to be doing, the stuff around me, and who i am, but i like you so much... it's all fine, it'll all be o.k.)
"well i'll talk to ya later"
"right, later"
(later, you mean you're gonna talk to me again? maybe you see, maybe you understand what i've been doing, maybe i'm finally starting to get through to you, maybe you're finally seeing how much i care about you...)
then again, probably not. i'm so stupid. i need to stop this, and not let myself get stuck in this rut. there is so much more out there for me, i just have to be patient, and i have to stop beating myself up about stuff that didn't work, no matter how much i want it. what's meant to be will be, when it's meant to be. no matter how much i want it, or try to change it will make a difference, and the sooner this is realized, the better off things will be.
"right, of course, what else could we be"
"right, so... um, do you wanna hang out or something?"
"sure!"
"oh by the way, do you think you could do something for me?"
"ummm what is it and when?"
"yeah it's nothin big, just do this, at this time..."
"oh sure no problem"
"hey you wanna do this?"
"yeah definitely! i love that!"
"so how are things?"
"great! everything's going great!"
"well i'll talk to ya later"
"right, later"
what's really goin on...
"so you know we're just friends right?"
"right, of course, what else could we be"
(except for the fact that I want so much to be with you even though i know you don't feel the same way)
"right, so... um, do you wanna hang out or something?"
"sure!"
(hmmm to obvious, should have told them no... but i couldn't do that, what if they still maybe like me... no that can't be it... aw shit)
"oh by the way, do you think you could do something for me?"
"ummm what is it and when?"
(not that it matters cuz i'll do it anyways, maybe it will change how you feel about me)
"yeah it's nothin big, just do this, at this time..."
"oh sure no problem"
(crap, i have two papers to write and i have to go take care of that other thing... but who cares, it's for them, so it's all o.k.)
"hey you wanna do this?"
"yeah definitely! i love that!"
(actually i suck at it, and i really don't want to do it, but i will anyways, cuz you like it and i really want you to like me.. even though i probably shouldn't and it's really not in my best interests to... aw hell, maybe it'll help, maybe it will make you like me)
"so how are things?"
"great! everything's going great!"
(actually i don't really know because i spend all my time trying to make you like me, trying to make you see how great it would be to be with me, i've lost track of what i'm supposed to be doing, the stuff around me, and who i am, but i like you so much... it's all fine, it'll all be o.k.)
"well i'll talk to ya later"
"right, later"
(later, you mean you're gonna talk to me again? maybe you see, maybe you understand what i've been doing, maybe i'm finally starting to get through to you, maybe you're finally seeing how much i care about you...)
then again, probably not. i'm so stupid. i need to stop this, and not let myself get stuck in this rut. there is so much more out there for me, i just have to be patient, and i have to stop beating myself up about stuff that didn't work, no matter how much i want it. what's meant to be will be, when it's meant to be. no matter how much i want it, or try to change it will make a difference, and the sooner this is realized, the better off things will be.