(no subject)
What a sad life I live. I am sitting here crying my eyes out and the one thing/person I think of to go to is my on line journal. Not a friend, not my boyfriend not my parents, not a church member, a teacher, a co-worker, just my journal.
Why? because I refuse to admit when I need help. I never ask for it. I allow myself to fall deeper and deeper into a whole that I have created and can not get out of. This hole that I dig is with my money the dirt that I shovel are my bills, the more I shovel the more the dirt falls back into my hole. As I am digging at times I cry and the tears make the dirt soggy and wet which is harder to dig through there for I see not point in why I cry yet I do.
I am in a situation now that I am about to if not already have lost all my belongings in my storage shed that I keep. I have not been able to keep up with the payments and have fallen behind so they will sell the shit and then bill me for the rest of what I owe. I have personal stuff in there that I would not want some stranger to get I have copies of bills, taxes, pay stubs, my ss#, checking account#'s and anything else that one would not like another person to have. Not to mention all the things that I have collected over the years.
I cant seem to keep up with all the shit that life seems to be throwing at me right now. I really just would like to crawl in a corner and die. I would like to just die right now. I really cant seem to keep my life on track so what is the point of living?
I felt guilty the other day I went and bought myself a pair of jeans at Walmart for $19.99. The three pairs of jeans that I do already own all have holes, tears and are about to fall apart. The crazy part about the jeans that I just bought are those that have some worn places on them for the "fashion" of it. I have to laugh at this because the jeans that these new ones are replacing took about a year to wear in like the ones that I just bought! How crazy of a world that we live in that we are willing to pay big money for worn looking jeans? Hey america I have three pairs that I would be willing to give up right now for the right price. Fuck the world and her 20 dollar brand new jeans that already look like they have been worn for a year. Why the hell did I buy them? They look no better than the ones that I already own and wore in very nicely on my own!
On other crappy news my job just cut my hours to 30. I love having to live on 30 hours a week it is nice. I get to pick and choose what bills will be paid this month and cross my fingers that I picked the right ones. I get off really early in the day so that gives lots of time to reflect on how crappy life is right now.
Fuck it, I am done bitching for right now.
Fuck the world
Why? because I refuse to admit when I need help. I never ask for it. I allow myself to fall deeper and deeper into a whole that I have created and can not get out of. This hole that I dig is with my money the dirt that I shovel are my bills, the more I shovel the more the dirt falls back into my hole. As I am digging at times I cry and the tears make the dirt soggy and wet which is harder to dig through there for I see not point in why I cry yet I do.
I am in a situation now that I am about to if not already have lost all my belongings in my storage shed that I keep. I have not been able to keep up with the payments and have fallen behind so they will sell the shit and then bill me for the rest of what I owe. I have personal stuff in there that I would not want some stranger to get I have copies of bills, taxes, pay stubs, my ss#, checking account#'s and anything else that one would not like another person to have. Not to mention all the things that I have collected over the years.
I cant seem to keep up with all the shit that life seems to be throwing at me right now. I really just would like to crawl in a corner and die. I would like to just die right now. I really cant seem to keep my life on track so what is the point of living?
I felt guilty the other day I went and bought myself a pair of jeans at Walmart for $19.99. The three pairs of jeans that I do already own all have holes, tears and are about to fall apart. The crazy part about the jeans that I just bought are those that have some worn places on them for the "fashion" of it. I have to laugh at this because the jeans that these new ones are replacing took about a year to wear in like the ones that I just bought! How crazy of a world that we live in that we are willing to pay big money for worn looking jeans? Hey america I have three pairs that I would be willing to give up right now for the right price. Fuck the world and her 20 dollar brand new jeans that already look like they have been worn for a year. Why the hell did I buy them? They look no better than the ones that I already own and wore in very nicely on my own!
On other crappy news my job just cut my hours to 30. I love having to live on 30 hours a week it is nice. I get to pick and choose what bills will be paid this month and cross my fingers that I picked the right ones. I get off really early in the day so that gives lots of time to reflect on how crappy life is right now.
Fuck it, I am done bitching for right now.
Fuck the world