(no subject)
So, there is this guy at work (Jay) that I think totally digs me. He had invited me to his place for a BBQ last Saturday, I was unable to go since Kevin and I got hockey tickets. He invited me to another (he has one every Saturday). Today he was scheduled off work so he sends this guy over, whom I have never meet, and he hands me a map to Jay's house for another BBQ. I thought it was kinda cute! I imagined Jay calling the unknown guy and convincing the guy to walk over to the girl that sits across him and give her a map to his place. It made me feel a little special that he went out of his way to make sure that I attended.
Now, here is where I get all confused and unsure of myself. I am dating Kevin and I really care and love him. I am not sure were this relationship is going though. I fear at times that I am possibly wasting my time with a man that wont be in my future. I hate to waste precious time and pass up on a possible cutie like Jay (or others). I have been dating Kevin again (remember this is our second go around) for almost 6 months. It has gotten more and more serious feeling over the last three months. We have yet to say I love you to each other. I would think that those words would have come from Kevin's mouth by now. I wont say them because he broke up with me and I feel that he should say them first. I would think that by now Kevin would know if he wants to stay and love the girl that he was with for 3 years (6 month break included).
I felt horribly bad about something that I sad to Jay also. He asked if I went to the hockey game last saturday with someone "special" (I think he was probing for a boyfriend). I responded by saying "yeah I went with my dad and brother". I told the truth but left out the "special" person...Kevin. I did not mention Kevin to Jay... Why did I do that? Do I feel the need to leave the Jay option open? I don't even know if Jay is interested in me in that way or just thinks that I am a cool person and would like to know me outside of work.
I have conversations with myself practicing what I want to say to Kevin. I want to bring up the topic of us and what we really are. I am not willing to sit around for the next two years and find that I am not good enough for him.
I am a person with needs and feelings and I really need to know the truth. Deep down though I don't want to know the truth because the truth might leave me lonely and afraid again.
Now, here is where I get all confused and unsure of myself. I am dating Kevin and I really care and love him. I am not sure were this relationship is going though. I fear at times that I am possibly wasting my time with a man that wont be in my future. I hate to waste precious time and pass up on a possible cutie like Jay (or others). I have been dating Kevin again (remember this is our second go around) for almost 6 months. It has gotten more and more serious feeling over the last three months. We have yet to say I love you to each other. I would think that those words would have come from Kevin's mouth by now. I wont say them because he broke up with me and I feel that he should say them first. I would think that by now Kevin would know if he wants to stay and love the girl that he was with for 3 years (6 month break included).
I felt horribly bad about something that I sad to Jay also. He asked if I went to the hockey game last saturday with someone "special" (I think he was probing for a boyfriend). I responded by saying "yeah I went with my dad and brother". I told the truth but left out the "special" person...Kevin. I did not mention Kevin to Jay... Why did I do that? Do I feel the need to leave the Jay option open? I don't even know if Jay is interested in me in that way or just thinks that I am a cool person and would like to know me outside of work.
I have conversations with myself practicing what I want to say to Kevin. I want to bring up the topic of us and what we really are. I am not willing to sit around for the next two years and find that I am not good enough for him.
I am a person with needs and feelings and I really need to know the truth. Deep down though I don't want to know the truth because the truth might leave me lonely and afraid again.