(no subject)
Ok I lied, that last entrywon't be the last from the hotel...this one will be.
I realized tonight, while talking to Ste, before we went to bed (I can't sleep btw)that I don't like to be alone for long periods of time, and that I'm a bit scared for this jump. Just a bit, like I'm excited...but on the same note, kinda scared. I think I'm most scared of failing...and of a few other things that aren't really things that I'm scared of, just worried about. (I don't have my glasses on...I'm so bad!)When did I get old? When did I become the person that talks to Sam on the phone? It's weird...when did that distinction happen? I don't remember it...I feel like a little kid and so much like an adult all at the same time. (I have acid reflux and nothing to take for it) I just spent most of the night packing up my hotel room. It's amazing how much stuff I've gotten over the past two weeks. I have grocery bags of food that needs to go directly to the fridge. It's gonna be weird going back up to the grandparents house, just to visit, again. I feel sort of detached...from everything...and everyone...some less than others. It's weird. I have a phone and the internet...but I still feel sorta alone. I think that might also be that I haven't left my hotel room other than to get junk food for the past two days(ugh) (I get Songbird back tomorrow for those of you that were wondering) It's weird to think that I'm going to be paying bills. I was all bothered earlier...I have to thank my dearest love for talking to me...even for that short period of time...it made me feel better. (The words keep going fuzzy...lol, stupid retarded eye syndrome) There are a few people I really want to talk to but don't think I'll be doing that. I want to call them, or write them, and tell them so many things, just talk things out...but I don't see that happening. I wish...sometimes that things had gone about differently. (I hope I'm spelling things right, I can't see a damn thing anymore)(my back itches, another thing to put on my list of things to get at the grandparent's house, the bananaboat aloe) *sigh* I'm so hopeful but so downright scared right now, I'm not sure what to do. I want to sleep, but I can't. the bed is inviting (better if Ste were in it and waiting to cuddle with me) but I just can't seem to get comfortable...and I packed the tea already so there's no chance of tea to help me sleep. I'm so sure that things will work out, but I'm still afraid...but...the only way to get over our fears is to face them right? Geeze, I'm babbling...but y'all love me!
wish me luck...after tonight...I'll be taking charge of my own life and being an adult...in the responsibilities department anyway.
p.s.I can't wait to go bowling tomorrow night! I can't wait to see everyone and just hang out with my friends...as well as see my family:) God I miss you all so very much. Hopefully I'll have innanet asap in the apt so I can keep updating here as much as possible.
love you guys.
I realized tonight, while talking to Ste, before we went to bed (I can't sleep btw)that I don't like to be alone for long periods of time, and that I'm a bit scared for this jump. Just a bit, like I'm excited...but on the same note, kinda scared. I think I'm most scared of failing...and of a few other things that aren't really things that I'm scared of, just worried about. (I don't have my glasses on...I'm so bad!)When did I get old? When did I become the person that talks to Sam on the phone? It's weird...when did that distinction happen? I don't remember it...I feel like a little kid and so much like an adult all at the same time. (I have acid reflux and nothing to take for it) I just spent most of the night packing up my hotel room. It's amazing how much stuff I've gotten over the past two weeks. I have grocery bags of food that needs to go directly to the fridge. It's gonna be weird going back up to the grandparents house, just to visit, again. I feel sort of detached...from everything...and everyone...some less than others. It's weird. I have a phone and the internet...but I still feel sorta alone. I think that might also be that I haven't left my hotel room other than to get junk food for the past two days(ugh) (I get Songbird back tomorrow for those of you that were wondering) It's weird to think that I'm going to be paying bills. I was all bothered earlier...I have to thank my dearest love for talking to me...even for that short period of time...it made me feel better. (The words keep going fuzzy...lol, stupid retarded eye syndrome) There are a few people I really want to talk to but don't think I'll be doing that. I want to call them, or write them, and tell them so many things, just talk things out...but I don't see that happening. I wish...sometimes that things had gone about differently. (I hope I'm spelling things right, I can't see a damn thing anymore)(my back itches, another thing to put on my list of things to get at the grandparent's house, the bananaboat aloe) *sigh* I'm so hopeful but so downright scared right now, I'm not sure what to do. I want to sleep, but I can't. the bed is inviting (better if Ste were in it and waiting to cuddle with me) but I just can't seem to get comfortable...and I packed the tea already so there's no chance of tea to help me sleep. I'm so sure that things will work out, but I'm still afraid...but...the only way to get over our fears is to face them right? Geeze, I'm babbling...but y'all love me!
wish me luck...after tonight...I'll be taking charge of my own life and being an adult...in the responsibilities department anyway.
p.s.I can't wait to go bowling tomorrow night! I can't wait to see everyone and just hang out with my friends...as well as see my family:) God I miss you all so very much. Hopefully I'll have innanet asap in the apt so I can keep updating here as much as possible.
love you guys.